Day 58 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 58

Field trips are always a win. I drove to Cannon Beach, Oregon by way of Portland so I could get some Pok Pok Wings and a few photos at Burnside before making iPhone magic at the Goonies Beach. I have so many more photos to take in Portland; fortunately, I re-met someone at LoFi who can show me some of the best spots I haven’t found yet. I know I’ll be back soon; it is impossible for me to resist field trips and goldmines of Street Art.

I had forgotten how much I love being at LoFi for Stop Biting. When I got divorced, I went there almost every Tuesday for a few years because the place was always filled with the best humans. I remain addicted to being in rooms with people nodding their heads in unison. I knew I’d get a bunch of hugs if I went and I was right. It’s always worth it to go out into the world especially if you’re feeling down.

Starting a full week of work today but the shifts are so short that it will fly by. Haven’t heard back about the dog walking job just yet but for now the free time to write/create is awesome. I plan on kicking off a 100 day @TheRingOfDOOM video project soon because I know it’ll help me to learn and to start churning the videos out faster. I’ll also be posting another 100 stickers because if I don’t, the photos will ferment in my camera roll forever. Procrastinating for no reason other than it is my natural state…

I’ll be introducing some new characters in my next @TheRingOfDOOM video that crack me up already. I’m going to have to start doing voices for them soon because the limited text options on my iPhone’s iMovie are not cutting it. I’ll likely use a filter for some of the character’s voices so I can still do the whole thing myself. I love working with other people on creative projects but it goes so much faster if I don’t have to wait on others. That said, there are a ton of people I’d love to make videos with… soon.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Make a video from the footage I got yesterday at the ocean.

8.     Finish September Spotify playlist

SONG OF THE DAY

Everything Is Recorded feat. Sampha “Close But Not Quite” 2018

Day 57 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 57

Headed to the ocean today to answer its call. I usually spend over an hour and a half writing but today I’ll share this video I made on the beach in Manzanita, OR a few years ago and hit the road.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Drive to the ocean to take photos of my art and have a fabulous time

SONG OF THE DAY

Aim “Cold Water Music” 1999  Pretty sure this has already been a song of the day but I make the rules here…

Day 56 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 56

Due to a wait list win at my first craniosacral therapy appointment (gift from my sister and brother-in-law) later today, I’ll be heading to the ocean tomorrow instead. When this works as it is intended, my body should be able to relax for the first time in decades. Definitely nervous to see how this works but I’m curious to see if it will affect my posture because so much of the work is done around the spinal cord. I’ve been a sloucher as long as I can remember because I’ve been attempting to be invisible. FYI, almost everything I know about craniosacral therapy is due to Googling it a few minutes ago. I wasn’t going to write about it because it seems so personal but it is part of my story so it must be included. The goal of this blog was to share my journey and this is part of it. Fortunately, talking about therapy is more normalized than in previous years and not getting help at this time would keep my growth stunted permanently.

I did get some new @TheRingOfDOOM photos yesterday but for the most part I’m having trouble figuring out what to do with the storyline. Most of the stories I’ve created with him in the past have been written after I got the photos but I believe some of my best work was made when I storyboarded the video first or had a plan for the photo shoot. I had the first page of his photo-graphic novel origin story taped to the wall in my studio for at least six months but never started it because it seems like such an advanced maneuver to actually do it. I love the idea of releasing a graphic novel a chapter at a time in comic book/zine form and then releasing all the chapters at once in book form once there is an audience for it. If I actually create the first few chapters, I’ll have something to send to publishers so I can start the process of getting rejected many times before someone finally decides to run with it. I’m not sure if anyone has made a graphic novel with photos yet but I think it is an amazing idea.

I’m looking forward to the clarity I’ll find by going to this appointment today and field tripping to the ocean tomorrow. The long drives almost always help me to focus on what I need to do the most. That said, I already know that all I need to do is to keep on making stuff every day. I need to get over the fact that I can’t make my storyboarded European miniseries and just keep doing. Still not sure if I want to finish my TheRingOfDOOM Vs. The Vulcan Of Amazonia video because making a video about how the world’s richest man is terrible could make me the enemy of all those who work for him. I’m not here on Earth to make enemies, I’m here to unite people and make them happier. Even with this as my mission, I have somehow created people who don’t like me. A local musician actually blocked me on Twitter because I dared to promote their amazing music and tag them (like I have for hundreds/thousands of others in the last nine years) so no matter what direction I go in, there will be haters… even spreading love and great music. The best thing I can do is to create the art I want to see in the world that only I can make and surround myself with awesome, driven, creative people who actually like me and want to see me succeed.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Finish adding songs to September playlist

7.     Go to craniosacral therapy appointment

8.     Go to Stop Biting at LoFi

9.     Go for a walk in an interesting area and take photos

SONG OF THE DAY

Rhye “Hymn” 2018  New Rhye… love this band.

Day 55 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 55

Yesterday I worked, went to a show, and spent some time next to Lake Washington. After work, I went to see some of my favorite Minneapolis people at Barboza and got to hang out with one of my favorite rap friends. The best part about being around underground rappers (or any artist really) is that they can totally relate to the post-tour depression and the emotional wear-and-tear of putting your art into the world. Dessa was at the show too because she had her sold out book release event for “My Own Devices” at Third Place Books earlier in the day. So happy to know that woman! Her new book is amazing and it’s extremely helpful to hear/read stories about women that have worked towards their dreams and made them a reality. I have so much love for everyone I’ve been on tour with.

My favorite thing about this job is that it is the easiest possible version of all the driving jobs I’ve had in the past… and I make more money doing it. The customer interaction of a pizza delivery is usually less than one minute and it’s awesome seeing how fast the tips add up. The fact that I don’t have to learn a new skill to be good at this job will help keep my brain open for all the video projects I’ll be kicking off soon but am still procrastinating for some reason. Still haven’t heard back about the dog walking job but it’ll be nice to have time to go on photo walks and make stuff before AND after I go to work. This one job will earn me more than enough money to pay my bills, live in a place with roommates, and to save some money… in only 4-5 hours a day. Triple bonus, I don’t have to serve drunk people!

Tomorrow I’m going to pilgrimage to the ocean. It always helps me to focus my ideas and another plus is that it gives me time to catch up on the podcasts of my favorite people. It’ll be a day in which I eat all my favorite foods and test drive the September playlist before I release it. All of my playlists are road trip tested before I post them; if a song comes on and I’m like, “what the fuck is this,” I know it’s gotta be deleted. That’s usually when it becomes obvious that I’ve added the song just because I like the person and/or they are from Seattle. That Alt-J/Goldlink song I posted yesterday really does it for me. As I write this my Hip Hop playlist has 96 followers. Most of them are due to a Reddit win; but I think the rad playlist image I made with a photo of Outkast from an old Fader magazine is part of the reason it’s kicking ass. I have a bunch of new Underground Hip Hop mixed in with the classics and now has over 670 songs and growing almost every day. Here’s hoping some of the underground artists actually get to see some fundage from the list.

The thing about quitting coffee is that it helps me to realize where my energy is coming from. When I drink coffee I have a ton of energy, when I don’t I seek that fuel from the actual nutrients I need to survive. I haven’t had any caffeine withdrawal headaches and it has been a week since I quit. Usually by the time I finish my blog, I’m no longer sitting but instead poised as if I’m ready to start a race at the edge of my seat because my coffee has kicked in and I’m ready to fly. Now I feel more like I’m ready to take a nap. The thing about the giant can of coffee I had been working on for the last two months is that I never measured the coffee, I just put a bunch in there and poured water over it; recipe for jet fueled panic attacks. I have quit coffee at least four times over the last five years and it gets easier to quit with every relapse because it makes me feel so crazy inside that I must quit. Time to finish the writing portion of the day and move on to the next…

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water (I’m crushing this goal already)

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Add 20+ more songs to September playlist so I can test drive it tomorrow and delete the weakest links to get the playlist to 111 songs.

7.     Pack bag to bring to the ocean. Supplies for photo shoot etc.

8.     Go get a new Discover Pass so I’m ready to roll tomorrow.

SONG OF THE DAY

Gavlyn “Already Know” feat. Dizzy Wright & Jarren Benton (Prod. By DJ Hoppa) 2018

Day 54 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 54

My new job is pretty rad as far as jobs go. I’ll make good money in a short amount of time and get to drive around my really expensive jukebox listening to all my new favorite songs. One of the things I love about this company is that it is locally owned (not a corporation) and they treat their employees well enough for some of them to only have one job. Crazy right? What a concept. I also finally got my check from Bumbershoot so I can do crazy shit like pay my bills a couple weeks before they’re due like a boss. I might even do myself a solid and drive to the ocean on my next day off to take photos of my water art on the beach. I’d say the ocean has been calling me but it feels more like it has been yelling at me. I am not sure the exact location, nor do I really want to know, but my parents lived near the ocean before/when I was born so I was likely conceived there. Hmmmm.

I’m not sure if this sticker’s info is true but it sure seems right.

I realized last night that Facebook edited scenes out of my latest @TheRingOfDOOM movie. They edited out the iPhone footage of the Lincoln Memorial and a few videos captured of the fountains near Washington Monument and replaced it with a still photo that says “end tyranny.”Hope that helps you get all the money you need for your collab empire with the government Zuckerberg! The top of my post (when I see it) says “your video is partially muted” but the sound remains the same; it is the visuals that have changed. I wonder if everyone else’s iPhone videos of the capitol are edited by Facebook/the man. The YouTube version that remains unedited by the man is much better. I knew Facebook was douchey but I didn’t realize it was at edit the content of your videos douchey.

Since Facebook won’t let me embed the video, here’s a link to the post.

Instagram has been tough lately because my camera roll is stale and I’m still in mourning about the photos that would have been. I do have a ton of great unposted photos but I can’t get better at my craft by posting old photos. I haven’t done much walking lately so it’s time to get back into it. I’m going to start #100DaysOfStickersWith206lizPartDeux because I still have tons of sticker photos. All the best people say that when it gets tough, that’s when you push yourself harder. The trick to refreshing my camera roll will be to try to experience my own city like I’m a tourist… tricky when there are memories at almost every corner but I got this.

I’m going to start popping up at local music events again this week because I miss everyone. My new work schedule has me off work at the perfect time to make it happen. Stoked to get so many shifts lined up already and also to know that I will now have a steady flow of money into my bank account; such a relief. I’ll be able to make my eventual Europe trip so much better by having actually money and not being in the middle of a lack-of-fundage panic attack when it is time to depart. Now I’m super excited at the thought of paying off all my debts and getting all that behind me. It seemed an impossible feat when I was hoping to make money selling $2.00 CDs on eBay and with my art but I’m all over this. It will take patience, working smarter, AND working harder.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water (I’m crushing this goal already)

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Continued work on September playlist

7.     Take the art out of my trunk so there is room for pizza.

8.     Kick ass at work and make actual money.

9.     Go for a photo walk.

SONG OF THE DAY

Alt-J – “Last Year” feat. Goldlink (Terrace Martin Version) 2018  I’m pretty sure I’ll be overplaying this for days. It’ll be one of the many stars of my soon-to-be-released September playlist.

Day 53 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 53

Today is my orientation and first day of work at the pizza spot. Very excited to have a job with free food again and 59 days until I get to sign up for health and dental insurance. Yesterday I completed 11 of my 13 goals. I did not get all my Instagram photos in and I didn’t make any new @TheRingOfDOOM photos. So far his newest body has only been photographed in my old studio and I really want to make his first photo shoot next level amazing. Perfection is the killer of progress though. Gotta just DOOM it! I made five new photoshopped promo images for yet to be released playlists and travel posts last night and I can’t wait to share them. I realized that I can recycle the thousands of photos I’ve made so far on my previous adventures and still be a latergram travel blogger/photographer. Excited to continue to make photoshop collages, they’re rad because there is no mess to clean up when you’re finished and I can use images of anything for free.

Super excited to start earning money again. I have always been a workaholic but when you know exactly what you’re working toward, it is easier to get through the difficult spots. I’ve really enjoyed writing every day because it helps me to work through my bullshit but also because I’ve always really loved the process. I really hope that others are inspired to speak up about their pain because I know that so many of us are feeling alone in our struggles. Being 100% honest about the epic journeys in our brains will draw all the best people to us and vice versa. Can’t wait to meet a bunch of new people today. It’s always interesting to me to see how long it takes for me to disclose that I almost always have a fictional character and a tiny skateboard with me. I may need to try to push these blogs out faster so I can get more done in a day but I’m grateful for the time I’ve been able to spend on them so far.

I already released @TheRingOfDOOM 00013: CONTEMPTIBLE CAPITOL OF CORRUPTION here on my website today via YouTube and I uploaded it to Facebook last night as well. If I disappear, it is because Cheeto and his cronies are mad at me for making the video… know this. The video was 100% made on my iPhone with footage I gathered in DC while on tour with Dessa and I also included anti-Trump photos from all over the US. I attempted to airdrop it to my laptop so I’d have more options for text but my almost at capacity 2013 Mac is still rejecting the arrival of large video files. I’m getting better with every video so I can’t wait to see what I’ll be making in a month or even a year from now. If we wait to have fancy equipment to make videos/photos, we may be waiting forever. Just DOOM it.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to orientation/work

7.     Work on September playlist

SONG OF THE DAY

Gabriel Teodros feat. Otieno Terry – “Everything Comes To Light”2018 

Day 52 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 52

So much can change in a day if you make it so. In two months my HEALTH AND DENTAL INSURANCE will kick in at my new job delivering pizza at a locally owned spot that does business the right way. Jobs with free food are wicked awesome… especially when you just drop it off and don’t have to wipe up the spills at their feet. Of course it would have been cooler to write a story on dental tourism in Spain but this feels very Sofia Amoruso/Girlboss at this time and I’m more than ready to work my ass off. I already filled out the paperwork and get to start tomorrow; I love it when the hiring process goes so quickly. One of the best things about this job is that the harder I work, the more money I make. So many jobs do not reward efficiency so the slackers I was working alongside would make the same as my overachieving self. My new schedule leaves me with many hours in the day to find a midday job as well so I’m adding researching/applying for dog walking jobs to today’s to do list. This means I’ll be keeping my car until further notice and staying with generous family in the greater Seattle area until I have enough fundage to move into a sublet… which will be sooner than later. I realize this goes back on three of my declarations; wanted to leave Seattle, using my car to make money, working a job just for the $; but I need money like years ago so that’s just the way its gotta be. My support system is here. I used to deliver pizza in the late 90s at a spot in North Lake Tahoe before I had a cell phone and loved it; I’ll make the most of it and get to listen to tons of great music while I’m driving.

I finally sold some boots on eBay that have been sitting in a box unworn for years so today I get to go on a treasure hunt in my storage unit which is currently a hot mess like the rest of me. I’ll still be living out of my suitcase and small backpack for awhile but I will have access to all the rest of my random stuff if I need it. As much as I love making my collages, I’m going to backburner it for a while because I need to take the time to get good at the thing I want to do the most; video. The gig economy makes it tricky to get good at one thing because I’ve had to wear so many hats over the years but I want to be good at creating videos so I’ll put in the work. I’m hesitant to make it a #100DayProject (it would be my fourth) because I know how much work it will be and I’m already hoping to work at least two jobs for a bit. It would be wise to just start that project right now because it really only takes a few minutes to make a video these days… I’ve just talked myself into it. YouTube presence is clutch and exactly where I want to go. The path of happy people I’ve been following AND my long-term obsession with music videos/film have led me right here. I want to set myself up for a balanced life where I have ample time to work my job(s), make art, get enough sleep, eat healthy, and actually have a social life but Seattle doesn’t really work that way if you’re on a delivering pizza level. This job will allow me to make the money I need every month to pay my bills/debts and all the rest can go to setting myself up for the future I most want.

Last night I started working on my shelved Washington DC video again. I had to put it down for a while because DC’s vibe left a horrible taste in my mouth and it hurt my soul to spend too much time thinking about our evil government. One of my career heroes has said that it is bad for business to talk about politics because you can alienate your potential customers but I’ve decided to completely reject that idea to be a good person. This same man also preaches kindness and finding your niche so it seems backwards for him not to openly denounce our sexual predator president and our country’s racist terrorism, especially because he and his family are immigrants and he has women he loves in his life. I won’t name him here because I’d rather have this conversation with him in real life someday and otherwise he seems a great person to have on your team who truly means well. I understand that he is trying to maximize his profits like a good businessman should but if he’s afraid to pick a side in the battle of good vs. evil, then he probably isn’t as good of a person as I hoped he was. If he truly wants to build his business the right way, he would take a stand even if it took him longer to reach his goal. Not speaking up about the wrongs in our society makes him an enabler of the established racist/sexist system and it’s sad that he’s encouraging others to keep their political beliefs to themselves to make money.

@acodd art as seen the night of his show with @leo.shallat & @claude206

I’d much rather work to educate those who are on the wrong team so they can understand that having a president who has openly admitted to grabbing women by the pussy and is a NAZI (among many other evil traits) is the worst possible thing for our country. In no way do I plan on being a political activist but I do have a couple videos on deck that Cheeto-fans will hate me for… including this DC video. I’ve vowed that the next time I see a MAGA hat, I’ll start a conversation with the person about what that means to them and try to remain calm while we talk through how they ended up wearing the symbol of a terrorist on their head and why it hurts my soul and many others to see it...  instead of just scowl at them. I want my life to be about seeking out positivity but so do all the black people that are being terrorized and murdered by police, the children and their parents being detained separately by our government, all the homeless people everywhere that fell victim to capitalism, and all the women who have been mistreated by men (including myself). I still plan to focus on making people smile and shining light on artists making the world a better place but it ALWAYS makes me smile to see people standing up to the evil in our society and we need heroes more than ever. Facing our demons head on is important for survival.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to storage unit to get sold eBay boots, work pants, etc.

7.     Finish my hire packet for tomorrow’s orientation

8.     Get Direct Deposit form ready from BECU to bring to tomorrow’s orientation

9.     Reprove I’m broke w/ tax return info I find in storage unit so I can pay low payments on my student loans for another year.

10.  Post 1 video on YouTube & promote

11.  Mail boots I sold on eBay

12.  Apply for dog walker jobs

13.  Take at least one new @TheRingOfDOOM photo, his new body has yet to be photographed outside.

SONG OF THE DAY

Florence + The Machine “Dog Days Are Over” 2009   I have tons of respect for Florence, her Machine, and her art but I hated seeing corporate advertisements for her latest album wheatpasted all over New York. This song remains beautiful no matter how I feel about corporate Street Art.

Day 51 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 51

When it is truly time for me to quit caffeine my body doesn’t make me suffer from withdrawals. Still no headaches and it’s my third day without coffee! I remain with out a concrete plan but now that I am staying in the US for a while I can start selling stuff on the internet again. Because I have such odd tastes, I have gone into debt with my eBay venture so far but I can turn it around if I make it a priority. Most of my belongings are only valuable to me but it’s worth a shot. I’ll also be taking my art back out of my storage unit and attempting to sell it again. It would be wise if I also did some work on my Hip Hop Crossword Puzzle Book so it can be closer to being something I can actually release into the world; Hip Hop publications may be interested in it if I can present it the right way.

Today my plan is to finish applying for a freelance writing job that would have me interviewing professional photographers to get their tips on how to make iPhone photos better. This would be rad because it would help me get better at what I’m hoping to do with my life and give me a reason to reach out to some of my favorite people. I’ll also seek out more jobs I’d be able to do from the road as well as reach out to the team I worked for at Bumbershoot to find out where the hell my damn check is. I’ll also be getting a deposit back on my art studio eventually but not for a few weeks. Other than the credit cards I’m not supposed to pay for my debt relief program, I have not paid a late bill yet. But today when I checked my email I was bummed to find out that my evil corporate bank took it’s under $1000 balance $14 fee from my account leaving me in the negative. Unfortunately, so that I can pay my debt relief payment tomorrow, I’ll be taking a cash advance from my surviving credit card and putting it right back into the same bank to cover the withdrawal IF I don’t receive my Bumbershoot check. I could breathe for like two days if that check showed up today but I’d still need to figure out how to make money fast.

Still can’t relax like it is recommended for people in my shoes because how the hell are you supposed to relax when your depression has driven you this far into debt and you’re putting yourself further into debt to cover your debts. Delivering pizza in the late 90s and using my car to make money in recent years has shown me that you almost always make more money if you’re not putting miles on your own vehicle. Ideally, the jobs I find TODAY will be the kind of jobs that will allow me to work remotely so that I can set myself up for the life I want.

Even though I already knew this, it would be wise for me to stop looking at Facebook and Twitter and use them only to promote my work. For a while I had removed the Facebook app from my phone but because I didn’t have my own wifi, I ended up reinstalling it so I could save my hotspot data. For some dumb reason, I still punish myself by reading into vague comments written by people I’ve never really been friends with and feel like it is a personal attack on myself. I know I’m not the only one who does this self-destructive act but I need to knock that shit off. If it is true that people are making fun of me for writing about my depression and for not being able to achieve my dream of getting on a plane a few days ago, these people likely need help with their own problems and it would mean that I have actual haters. If I have haters, I’m doing something right. Awesome. Whether these people are making fun of me or not, it is a waste of time to even think about them for one second of the day. Fortunately, I also see the ways that people I know and don’t know seem to be helping me along my path and I’m looking forward to telling them how they got me through my dark times… once I’ve figured out a way to move through them. I do hope that the people who have truly helped me over the years are not misinterpreting my writing to think that I do not appreciate their efforts. Many of the people I’ve worked for in the past have gone out of their way to create opportunities for me and I hope to be a success soon so I can repay them in my own weird ways.

In the recent weeks, I’ve given up ALL of my vices. None of them are good for me AND they cost money I don’t have. Coffee is over. I haven’t OD’d on sugar for weeks. I am blessed to be in a good place with alcohol so I’ve only had 2-3 free drinks of leftover wine from my sister and brother-in-law’s fridge in the last few weeks. I’ve also not smoked any weed for five days. I have no intention of quitting smoking weed forever because it is the healthiest of all the vices and it does help to calm my overactive brain sometimes but at this time it’s not working for me; it is legal here in Washington State so I’m not breaking any laws by consuming it. When I quit smoking weed, I start remembering my dreams which is usually uncomfortable at first. Almost all of my dreams are some form of the Alaskan Hotel Employee housing I lived in for three summers in my late teens/early twenties and last night’s dream was no different. This time, however, there were new people in the dream that I didn’t realize I missed so much and/or would love to get to know better.

A few years ago, I attempted to buy a Sprinter van. Of course, I was denied because I was already in debt and still had an upside down car loan with only small paychecks coming in from my over-full-time job BUT a few months later I was offered a job driving an even nicer Sprinter van around the country. I had seen the vision of myself driving around the country with musicians in a Sprinter van and it eventually came true. I know I will get paid to go to Europe sooner than I think if I do all the things I already know must be done to make it happen. I’ve already signaled to the universe that this is what I want and got so frickin’ close. If I had gotten the Bumbershoot check earlier, I would be in Bristol right now struggling to find a way to earn money. My To Do list remains the same no matter where I am because I want to learn how to work remotely. I must start Instagramming again so I can remain on the radar of those who can help make the trip happen AND write @TheRingOfDOOM’s origin story that no one else can. I will be at Tintagel Castle in the UK next to King Arthur’s statue near Merlin’s Cave sooner than I think and it will be fucking awesome. I will be at Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland creating my own @TheRingOfDOOM legends after learning more about its legacy from the locals shortly after I show the world what I can do when my head is clear enough. One step at a time will get me there eventually as long as I keep on going.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Stretch at least 10 minutes (I have not been doing this)

3.     Eat three meals

4.     Finish applying for freelance writing job and apply for more

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Finish this blog

7.     Make Photoshopped Icon for September Spotify List

8.     Go to storage unit to get art to list for sale and see if I have anything else people might want to buy.

9.     Brainstorm new @TheRingOfDOOM Patreon video.

SONG OF THE DAY

Sevdaliza “Hear My Pain Heal” 2017

Day 50 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible.

Day 50

It is hard to know what to do with myself all day. Yesterday I ended up sleeping all day because I had only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before due to coffee abuse/anxiety. I know I’m supposed to be nice to myself right now but it’s hard not to feel that the nicest thing I can do for myself is to seek out ways to earn money all day. My stomach is still jacked up from not eating full meals for so long and anxiety about what I’ll make happen next. I’m on Day 2 of no coffee and because my routine is so off, I almost forgot to write this blog this morning. I lack the ability to relax and feel good about it because it feels irresponsible to do anything other than pursue money when you’re in debt. I do not want my life to be about the pursuit of money so it’s a tricky one.

I’ve been researching work to live opportunities all over the world, national park jobs with employee housing, as well as media jobs in New York. I have never had an office media job before but I would love the opportunity to impress people on a global level even if I need to purchase a whole new wardrobe with money I don’t have to do so. Moving somewhere will not change the contents of my brain but it would separate me from those who have taken advantage of my kindness in the past. I used to work seasonally (ski resorts in winter/marinas, summer camps, Alaskan hotels etc. in the summer) and I’d love to do that again if I can create the right opportunity for myself. It was a great way to learn about a new place from the locals, save money, and to meet tons of like-minded people from all over the world. It would be a completely different experience as a 40 year old but I’m willing to give it a shot. I would work almost any (legal) job anywhere in the world aside from Seattle but I still believe that my @TheRingOfDOOM idea will be the way I help the most people (myself included) once I’m able to focus my energy on it. International work visas cost more than I currently have but there are some rad opportunities out there like working at the hostel near Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland, working for a European festival company that runs events like the Running Of The Bulls and Oktoberfest, infinite freelance travel writing jobs, and tons of opportunities I have yet to research.

I really don’t know what direction to take this blog anymore and I’ve definitely thought about retiring it but then there would be zero chance to help others… still trying to help others even when I’m not sure how to help myself. My creativity is squashed by long-term struggle mode at this time but I must find a way to turn this broken heart into art or something useful. I still want to be a travel blogger but I can’t afford to travel and I have yet to find a way to monetize the music blog I started in 2009 or this website so I have a long ways to go (pun 100% intended). I’d still love to go back on tour with more good-hearted musicians if the pay was a living wage. This workaholic is in serious need of a mentor. I still believe all the things I want to do are possible but I’ll need to be more patient to make them happen in the best way. 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water +

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Apply for at least three jobs in other states

5.     More research on how to use my creativity to make a living

6.     Finish this blog.

SONG OF THE DAY

Sevdaliza – “Soul Syncable” 2018

Day 49 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 49

Still here attempting to suppress the constant state of panic about my financial situation and how to best handle my multi-tiered trauma extravaganza but I’ve already taken some steps toward addressing the problems. The fact that I’m still waiting on a direly needed paycheck does not help the matter at all but I will get through it. I am waiting to hear back about my eligibility on low-income therapy sessions (even though my previous attempts led to more trauma; fall down 1000 times… get up 1001 times) and I’ve resolved to quit caffeine again. [Update: the widespread Bezosian Rent Warfare and our evil government have caused so many Seattleites to reach out for assistance that it would be 2-3 months before I could have my first appointment at this place.] My super-money-saving $5.99 can of coffee still lives on but I must break up with it because it won’t do a thing for the constant pounding in my chest. We’re broken up, it’s over; I will no longer be caffeine’s bitch. I’m going to start dating Sleepytime Tea for a while instead in hopes it will chill me the fuck out.

@TheRingOfDOOM’s newest body cooking in my toaster oven.

It feels irresponsible to not spend my whole day seeking out ways to earn large chunks of money but my family has advised me to try to focus on drinking enough water, eating healthy food, and resting instead. I would go back to sleep right now (only two hours of sleep because my mind is sprinting in circles) but because I am so broke at this exact moment I must go out into the world to pull $40 out of one bank’s ATM to put it directly in another so I can pay the bills due tomorrow. There are millions of people in my same situation and it helps to remember that I am luckier than most because I can stay with family for a short time when I need it most… like right now. I still have a really expensive car I can sleep in but it won’t come to that. I’ve already tried living in my car and it is terrible unless I can stay in the mountains all day and have enough food. That said, living in my car only serves to compound my problems, does nothing to solve them, and renders me useless when attempting to deal with the rest of the world. I’m also a white lady whose demons are mostly internal and I am extremely fortunate I don’t have centuries of racist assholes terrorizing myself and others that look similar to me… except of course for the white men in suits that terrorize us all and the men that have been taking advantage of women since forever. I could not be more grateful for what I do have but that doesn’t make the pain go away or manage any of the issues.

I know that I’ll still be able to achieve my I’mPossible dream of taking @TheRingOfDOOM back to Europe and that it will be even better because I will have taken all the steps needed to make it happen in the best way. Attempting to leap too far in a single bound when I am broken is setting myself up for failure and if I’m truly trying to be kind to myself, I will take the time to do things right. My favorite thing I did yesterday was say no to an offer of day-drinking and being high all day (fortunately, not hard at all for me at all) and instead reach out to two (so many more to go) of the organizations I’ve been putting off for too long and eat the healthiest meal I’ve had since I was in New York early-July. I understand that these people may not ever respond but it was a great step either way. I’m getting better at communicating my vision for @TheRingOfDOOM but that is 100% subjective. I have yet to figure out how to announce on his Instagram that we did not wake up in Bristol today as planned but there are infinite hilarious/entertaining ways to do that.

My list of goals for the day will be shorter so that I can easily accomplish them all and feel like a winner.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. Water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Finish this blog post

4.     Take a nap

5.     Go move $40 from one bank’s ATM to another so I can cover the bills due tomorrow leaving me with approximately $12.

6.     Hope my paycheck shows up.

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac DeMarco – “Chamber Of Reflection” 2014  

Day 48 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 48

Words cannot describe how much I would have loved to get on a plane in a few hours. Every plan for my whole life centered around making this trip happen today; had I known I wouldn’t be able to pull it off, I may not have started this blog and shared myself crashing into this wall of childhood trauma. I can only hope that by continuing to be honest with myself and the few people that do read this, I’ll be able to inspire them to do things the right way as well. I am still 100% intent on Achieving The I’mPossible but I have a lifetime of unfinished internal work that needs to be done before I can even get close to my infinite potential. There are so many reasons why I did not go… the most blatant being that I only have $50 to my name right now and a combined total of approximately $40,000 in debt. I know what needed to be done to make it happen but I did not do it because I was scared to reach out. Due to my trust issues and my long history of working for people who have not compensated me fairly (cause and effect?), I’m resistant to reach out to anyone when I need something. When any of us need money as much as most of us do, we all settle for less than we deserve. This is the way the fixed system is supposed to work. I have definitely worked for some great people with beautiful intentions over the last few years but none of them were able to pay me a living wage; I still hold those people close to my heart even if the feeling is not mutual. I could not be more sure that creating opportunities for artists all over the world to break out of struggle mode is the best possible plan for my life. Unfortunately, I have been operating in struggle mode myself for so long that the courage I must find to make it happen is buried under decades of unaddressed issues.

One of my favorite @TheRingOfDOOM photos.

Had I already received my Bumbershoot check, I might be getting on the plane today. I’d still be broke but I’d be in the place I most want to be and be surrounded by interesting people and have tons of new things to photograph. I will never know if my epic plan would have worked because it never truly began. My delusional optimism led me to believe that I’d be creating such good content that someone would offer me an advance on a photo book deal, a travel show, or a much needed opportunity to learn; I did not make this content because I was too lost in my own head to do it. I have resolved to address my childhood traumas and figure out how to live a healthy life but at this exact moment I am a 40 year old single woman, buried in debt, with only $50 that has already been spoken for, and a fractured heart. I would be homeless right now if my family wasn’t offering me a place to sleep. I weeped my way through painting the art studio I’ve been squatting in for ten months (that made me even more depressed instead of saving me money) last night and talked to my Dad for the first time in too long. He pointed out I was not being kind to myself by trying to assemble my best life in such a short amount of time and that attempting to tackle buried childhood traumas in the days before I leave on a two-month solo I’mPossible mission is a terrible idea. If I’m not being kind to myself, no one else will either. I cannot save the world by sharing messages of love with an underground Hip Hop soundtrack if I can’t figure out how to make enough money to eat three meals a day.

The same three people who inspired me to think this big have all mentioned that getting our heads right must be the first step in any situation. Because I have a tendency to see what I want to see OR because so many of us are struggling with the same issues, it often feels like they’re addressing me directly in their podcasts, videos, and social media posts. I’ve been studying these three people for at least two years (or more in one case) so I know how to tackle creating the career I want but I still have no idea how to tackle the root of all my failures that is preventing me from suiting up for the game of life. Knowing the problem does not solve it but it is the first step. Shoutout to Chase Jarvis, Tim Ferriss, and Gary Vaynerchuk for all the inspiration and guidance. I have so much love for these people even though we’ve never met and I would leap towards a mentorship or job with them or any other person whose intention is to help their employees live their best lives.

I truly want my life to be a good story. Fortunately, the best stories have a ton of conflict and obstacles for the main character to learn from. Yes, going to Bristol to drink the water and have a transformation is a fucking awesome story but I’m not in a position to tell it at this time. I created an entire universe for a character I made out of clay and I will tell the story when the time is right. I’ll continue to develop the legacy of @TheRingOfDOOM on Instagram and my website (and many other ways) but this exact miniseries will have to wait. The photo-graphic novel WILL be amazing once I get the clarity but at this time I am not in a position to work solely on my creative ventures even though it is all I see for my future. The story of a woman who is tackling her issues head on so she can live her best life is relatable to at least half of the world and that is currently my story. I wanted to seek out messages of love all over the world because I have not truly found the love of self I need to survive this crazy world. The Messages Of Love photo book WILL be something that will bring joy to people’s lives but I cannot make it happen on $50 total when my bills every month are $1200 (without paying any rent).

I was hoping to make epic shit happen in Bristol TOMORROW but instead I will make epic shit happen in my own head every day until I’ve reached the light. Because my goal is to figure out how to work remotely and to be creative, I can literally do this from anywhere in the world WHEN I’m able to truly begin. I wanted to set myself up for my best life in the $295 art studio I just moved out of but the effects of living somewhere I wasn’t supposed with no kitchen or shower made me too depressed to figure out how to make enough money to eat. I prioritized paying my bills over all else and I still ended up starting a debt relief program. In the last few weeks, I wanted to save all my money for bills so I ended up being too hungry to go on the long photography walks I love so much and without the gas money to drive anywhere. One cannot live on nuts, cheese, and Clif Bars if they hope to be clear-headed and healthy enough to walk 10 miles a day.

I do not know what will happen next but I’ll continue to write anyway because I can still inspire people to live their best life even if I’m not at Giant’s Causeway filming an episode of my travel miniseries on my phone. The people we love most on this planet have been brave enough to share their troubles and souls with us. We are all divided if we are stuck in our own head and we must work together to find our common ground if we’re to overthrow the demons in our own heads and in our government. They want us to be poor and needy so we’ll accept the meager wages being offered to us and do as we’re told but I cannot do that anymore. I allowed myself to remain broken and I never tried to fix me until now. I have no idea how to do it but as with most things, hard work, patience, reaching out, and watching how-to-videos on YouTube will help us learn what we need to learn. I WILL find a way to earn a sustainable income in a way that I’m not morally opposed to soon by working smarter AND harder and share it with you as it’s happening.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.    Hang out with a friend and talk about the realest shit.

SONG OF THE DAY

Air – “Universal Traveler” 2004  I’ll be traveling through the universes of my brain until further notice.

Day 47 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 47

This morning was a tough one because I knew I’d have to tell whoever was reading this that I did not complete either of my big goals for the day. I sat outside BECU and fielded emails, texts, and calls from strangers until it became obvious that no one was coming. By this time, I was ridiculously hungry, defeated, and heartbroken at the realization that I do not have the skills to do this alone. It’s 100% true that I do not know how to sell a car to a stranger because I don’t know all the ways they could take advantage of my kindness and inexperience. Purchasing the car was not a solo mission, owning the car should never have been a solo mission, and releasing the car is unfortunately no different. My youngest sister helped me to realize that I needed to remove the blockages in my way as soon as possible so instead of painting my studio yesterday afternoon, I came back to my sister and brother-in-law’s house and dug a much-needed metaphorical shovel into my head. I learned that I still feel the sharp pain of those who I wronged me in the past and that I’ve stunted my growth severely by not tackling this sooner.

The saddest part of my new fear of a Craigslist predator AND the recent theft of my credit card information is that it became obvious that I must look for the worst in people and be wary of ways I can be taken advantage of… the exact opposite of my default. It is easy for me to seek out the best in people and truly feel sorry for those who have chosen a path that requires them to seek out the unsavory parts of life. I fear they may look for the worst within themselves also and that is a terrible way to live life. For most of my own life, I’ve unknowingly been dealing with the residual shame issues from my childhood trauma. When I’m around those whose sole purpose in life is to look for the worst in people, they cause me to project exactly what I believe they are looking for… even when its not there. When combined with my tendency to retreat into my own head, this has resulted in me being misunderstood by most. It will take me awhile to know exactly how to deal with my own personal traumas but I recognize the issue and am taking steps towards managing it.

It is obvious to anyone paying attention (myself included) that all of my troubles are rooted in my lack of self worth. I could not be more aware that I am more privileged than billions of other humans and I am ashamed that I have not yet learned how to wrangle it into something that can help others or keep myself afloat. I recognize that the roots of this are not my fault but it is my fault that I have not tackled them earlier. Because I have been afraid to do the things at the top of my list for years, my growth was stunted and I was not able to take advantage of opportunities right in front of my face. I wholeheartedly believe that all the time I spent alone over the last six years was worth every penny I invested in it. Even though the solitude has become toxic, it enabled me to recognize exactly what I want to do with my life and to recognize the blockades I placed in my own way. I understand that what I aim to do makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable… and that is okay. I am beginning a venture that will change a lot of lives for the better in a way that I have yet to be able to communicate. I am starting this adventure from a the bottom of the hole I dug for myself by not reaching for the vines of technology and actual humans that surround me sooner.

It is true that I allowed myself to be led around by others in the past, so much so that I never even considered what my passions were until after I got divorced six years ago. It is true that I did not stand up for myself and ask for more money when I needed it the most because I felt so lucky to be there… until I didn’t. It is true that I allowed an evil music corporation to break my heart, drive me into depression, and to live a life where most of my belongings are in storage for almost two years. I found out recently that AEG is actually so terrible that if I submit my paystubs, I will get a check for the amount of money they officially screwed me out of via tax fraud. These are the people I trusted with my career and when I was working almost every single day, I still never had enough to pay for the car I needed to do the job. Because I had the audacity to try to live alone AND own the car I used for work, I had to move out of my apartment because Bezosian Rent Warfare and overachieving for AEG drove me severely into debt. I wanted to please them so badly that I never asked for the money they owed me on multiple occasions and still have not because I only want to look forward. This cemented the fact that I MUST figure out a way for myself and the artists I love to work around the evil predators who have us by the wallets. Example… I saved hundreds of dollars so far by purchasing a big can of Kroger coffee. Yes it feels good to save money but to do so I voted with my wallet for an evil corporation and did not support any of the local coffee roasters doing business the right way; plus I drank terrible coffee every day and ingested whatever poisons they put on the coffee plants.

For some reason, writing this paragraph has me shook because it has the power to literally remove the largest block I’ve put in front of me. I remain on my mission to change the world in the best way with @TheRingOfDOOM because this is the direct route out of the darkness I’ve been stuck in. I remain confident that this Europe trip will help me to create opportunities for myself and others to break out of the struggle mode that has prevented us from reaching our greatest potential. I remain confident that this trip will go so well that I will learn how to create income while traveling in the next week. I am no longer confident that tackling all of life’s challenges alone is a good idea. I have seen the light through the darkness and am stepping towards it every day but it is time to reach for those around me who do care enough to help. That’s it. That’s the thing that has been stopping me from accomplishing my dreams and preventing me from creating relationships with the people I admire the most. Yes, I SHOULD have recognized this years ago but I didn’t. I recognize it now and I MUST use this knowledge to grow into the person I can be. I SHOULD keep this to myself so that I can better deflect bad energy but I MUST find my strength and inspire others to reach out of the darkness as well. I MUST crack off the protective shell caging me into my comfort zone so I don’t remain inside it forever. Right now this shell is a 2012 Subaru Outback that has caused me to pursue money instead of seek out love; I need help cracking the shell.

I could probably write about this all day long but I’ve already been writing for over two hours. It is time for me to tie up all the loose ends of Seattle so I can depart tomorrow afternoon and seek out guidance from those who do want to help. For myself and all of those who believe their dreams are I’mPossible, I will use this momentum to carry me forward. It is the only option. 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.   Start a load of laundry, eat, shower.

7.   Get supplies to paint my art studio.

8.   Paint the studio while absorbing the life lessons of those who have traveled this path already.

9.    Reach out for back up about selling my car.

10.   Pack my suitcase with clean clothes and run directly towards the light.

SONG OF THE DAY

Blockhead “The Music Scene” 2009  Fall down 1000 times, get up 1001 times.

Day 46 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 46

The car is clean and all of my stuff is in storage less the items I’ll be taking with me to Europe. Unfortunately, I was unable to find backup for my mission to sell my car so I’ll be enlisting the help of the people at BECU today by way of politely asking them to watch me like a TV while the transaction goes down. Those warning me to ask for more money so I could negotiate were right but I am not a haggler, even if I should be. There we go with the shoulds again; I don’t really want to be good at haggling because I know firsthand that it is hard to ask for what you’re worth and even harder to not accept less when you need the money… cough, job search.

Me in the year 2000 with the ski doctor who helped me one of he many times I hurt myself snowboarding.

I’ve already let the potential buyers know where they can find me today if they’re interested in the car and I’ll be heading out after I write this to post up outside BECU and push buttons on my phone until it is gone. BECU closes at 1pm so after I sell the car, I’ll have time to tackle the repainting/cleaning of my studio. When all goes well, I’ll have all my ducks in a row to leave by the end of the day… aside from money of course. I should be getting my Bumbershoot check before I leave so all my bills will be covered for the month… when I no longer have to pay for the car. The money will show up, I believe!

I am not looking at this Europe trip as a vacation. Of course it will be fun but jobs should be fun. It is truly an attempt at the one thing I want to do the most. You don’t wake up a 40 year old divorcee and decide to settle on anything less than what you want the most. I’m confident that once I’m able to focus on the mission ahead, I’ll be able to fine-tune my vision so others can see it too. I know what I want to make but I’ve been prioritizing making money the slowest way possible instead… like a dumbass. Even though the man in the video below has worked with Donald Trump, he still knows how to money better than I.

I did sell my first piece of art from my website yesterday to someone who reached for her dreams and it worked out wonderfully. So happy she was the first buyer for my art! I must go make my life happen right now… the clock is ticking.

One of my creations that is hibernating in my storage unit.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.   Sell my car!

7. Repaint my art studio so I will never need to go back again.

8.  Remember to eat. (way too easy to just keep working when you know what you’re working toward.

SONG OF THE DAY

Wax Tailor feat. Aloe Blacc – “Time To Go”2012  No really, it’s time to go. I have to go make my life happen… now.

Day 45 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 45

Yesterday was extremely productive but my biggest challenges are still ahead. At this moment, my art studio is empty aside from the stuff I’ll use to clean the place up. After I write this, I’ll take my last load of stuff to my storage unit and be left with only the suitcase and small backpack I’ll take with me to Europe. The final carload is mostly art I believe will raise in value the further I run with this adventure. I did receive an offer to buy one of my pieces but it worked out to approximately $1/hour so I’ll be holding onto that until further notice. I love making art but it is not yet my greatest skill. This adventure is about betting on my talents and creating the best job for me.

Approximately 19 years ago, I spilled Newcastle beer all over this jacket and have left it in storage ever since. I finally tackled the stain on my past and will be wearing it t proudly soon. Yes, this is a metaphor for life.

I could not be more aware that there are many things I SHOULD be doing but all of those things would serve only to keep me broke for years and living a life that someone else controls. We all know that having one job in Seattle (especially in the music industry) will not earn someone enough money to live a healthy life. I’d need to work three jobs for multiple years to get where I know this project could be next week if I’m able to effectively share my vision with those in a position to help. While of course there are examples of people who have accomplished great feats by taking the long route, I believe most of them would agree that the best move in any situation is to work smarter, not harder. It has already been proven that it is 100% possible for people to create careers for themselves in which they’re able to work remotely and travel at the same time. This is the most direct route to success; this exact road that I’m on right now will lead me directly to the people that inspire me the most and put me in a position in which I can create opportunities for artists all over the world. If I follow the route I SHOULD take, I will inspire no one and not be in a position to help the people I admire in the ways I know I can for many years… in addition to being super depressed because I succumbed to the pressures of conformity again.  

That said, I am 100% willing to be proven wrong on this. I will happily consider any full time job offers almost anywhere in the world if that one job would pay me enough to live in that city. I’m qualified to do 1111 things in the music industry, have a UW History Degree, excel in customer service, and have been creating content for my own website for nine years so far. In a perfect world, I SHOULD be able to find a job like this easily but America is broken. Those paying attention know it’s not actually broken, it is fixed in favor of white rich men in suits. I intend to seek out all the ways that artists can make money outside of the hourly wage system that has kept all of us in struggle mode for too long. If I have ever shown an interest in you or your art, I’m doing this for you. In 2018, there are people who make millions of dollars a year playing video games, many professional travel vloggers, and millions of online businesses. Following a traditional route with all this technology is not only stupid but also a means to stay exactly where we are. So of course I SHOULD get a job in the system with health, dental, and a 401K but if I did that the only person that would win is the company I worked for. Thanks to the wisdom of Elle Luna who wrote a book called, The Crossroads Between Should And Must, I’ve spent a ton of time figuring out what I MUST do. I MUST go directly to Bristol in a few days and start being the change I want to see in the world because it is the best way to help everyone I love the most… myself included. I MUST continue to jump over the obstacles I’ve created for myself to reach the life I know is possible because life is too short not to. I believe so strongly in myself and that there are people out there who will recognize my infinite potential and help me make this happen that I’m going for it right now without a safety net. The ROI on Liz Rowe is off the charts and someone in a position to help will soon realize it. Five years ago, I cashed in my 401K at Whole Foods so I could dive directly into the music industry and it worked so well that within three years I was hiring people to work alongside me at giant music venues. I’ve been on the direct payroll of some of the most successful musician in the world since I quit the corporate music industry at the end of 2016 and I’m just getting going.

An example of the random ish in my storage unit.

After I write this, take my final carload to my storage unit, and clean out the car that has been my best friend for six years. I’ll be facing the challenge of reaching out to someone who can be with me during the car sale transaction. I am so resistant to asking for help that I only own items that I can lift myself AND fit in my Subaru. When I went to BECU yesterday, the person was awesome and let me know that it is totally possible to complete the transaction in the bank so I feel a lot better about attacking this mission solo but it’s still a bad idea. I’d love for the buyer to be able to test drive the car but the thought of getting in any car with a Craigslist stranger alone makes me wince. While I try to live my life unafraid of bad people, they do exist and I’d be a fool to tackle this mission alone.  

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool ; I’ve been slacking on this because my mind is on all of the logistics for at least one or two more days.

6.     Take final car load to storage unit.

7.     Clean car inside and out.

8.     Reach out to someone who can advise on this car selling matter.

9.     Respond to the five people who have expressed interest in my car and try to sell it TODAY.

10.    Just DOOM it.

SONG OF THE DAY

Carly Simon – “You’re So Vain” 1972   I know I’m not the only one that reads random posts on the internet and spends too much time thinking about whether the vague comment is a direct attack on their life mission OR a sign of support from those who haven’t told you to your face that they believe in your mission. I am 100% guilty of doing both of these things. If there actually are people out there who don’t want me to succeed, they’re rooting against someone whose whole goal in life is to create opportunities for underground artists and they might be an asshole. Every second we waste thinking about those who are telling us what we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do is a second we could have spent working towards our goals. I’ve been listening to the advice of people who are living the kind of life I want to live and extracting what applies to my situation and it has led me right here… on my way to put all my stuff in a storage unit, releasing the financial ties that have bound me to a life I don’t want, and ready to go all in on my strengths. Carly Simon is a number 1 boss lady and it’s a classic but this song is kinda weak.

Day 44 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 44

When I woke up I knew that today was the day that would truly begin my next adventure… or it could be the day that I gave up on my dreams. So I posted the video I worked on for at least eight hours yesterday and shared it on Craigslist, Facebook, and Twitter. In the ten minutes that has passed since I posted it, I already have a buyer who is offering cash; I haven’t responded yet for many reasons but mostly I am terrified to meet a stranger and exchange over $10,433 and then try to walk somewhere with all that money… alone. I’ll need some backup on that for sure. I also still need the car until at least tomorrow so I can finish moving out of my studio. This will work and I’m so excited to be free of the car but I still need it for a few more days. I’ve given myself a deadline and it is now.

I learned so much about myself AND iMovie while recording the footage and editing this video. It feels 100% like I’ve just hit the ground running and that I have so much work to do right now… because I do. It is not time for me to write about what I hope to do with the rest of my day; it is time for me to do it… right now.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Take final items out of art studio so I can be finished using my car forever.

7.     Visit a BECU location to ask what paperwork I’ll need with me to sell the car.

8.     Mail off sold eBay item.

9.     Figure out how to respond to the people who already want to buy my car and find someone willing to be there when the transaction goes down.

SONG OF THE DAY

Télépopmusik – “Breathe” 2001  I discovered this song way too late but we’re living happily ever after together from here on out.

Day 43 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 43

Today was the last day I wake up in this 10x10 box; I’ll be housesitting until I leave next Monday. I am so lucky to have found a place to create and gather my thoughts for $295/month but this is a terrible way to live life and I couldn’t be happier to be moving on to my next adventure. When you wake up in a place you’re not supposed to be, you start off the day trying to be invisible. I’ve been trying to go unnoticed for as long as I can recall so even though this living situation seems (sort of) ideal for someone who is hoping to spend all their money on travel; the cheap rent and isolation ultimately served to steer me further from those I admire the most. As the late, great Mac Miller said in this Fader Documentary, spending too much time alone can be toxic and I feel like walking proof of this statement most of the time. Because I am the Delusional Optimist that I am, I can easily perceive this era as me taking the time to figure out exactly what I wanted to do without letting others influence me and staying away from a vice that could easily overtake me if I allowed it to. It is okay that I am terrible at drinking; I do not want to get better at it even if it means I get to hang out with the cool kids. I’m too old for that shit and my stomach has already told me that whiskey is the devil. I have not quit drinking forever because I plan on drinking wine in Italy, delicious beer in Belgium, and Guinness in Ireland (etc.) but spending money I didn’t have on a beverage that hurts my stomach and risking DUIs is dumb.

Yesterday, I filmed more than sixty minutes of footage of myself addressing the camera. I learned a ton about myself in this hour and also in the multiple hours I’ve spent since editing the video (like sixty minutes of footage for a three minute car commercial might be too much). The most valuable thing I’ve learned so far is that when I’m holding back or thinking about how I look, it shows. Reading the script for the video I had written looked and sounded like it was scripted but I will still use some of it. I MUST FINISH EDITING THIS VIDEO TODAY! Time is running out fast but I believe so strongly that selling this car and going to Europe is what I am supposed to do at this time that I must keep going. I also got some footage of what will be my new Patreon video and the video I’ll send to DOOM and his team to ask again if they’d like me to stop using his mask in my videos. After about ten minutes into editing the footage last night, I realized that I’m going to be really good at this once I get going. Every fear I face along my way will make a better story while also helping me grow as a person. There are wins at every turn of this path.

I learned a lot my last solo trip to Europe and I can’t wait to do it better this time. I mostly overextended myself last time and stayed in hotels but this trip (until my yet-to-be-formed crew and budget arrives and we stay in Air Bnbs; delusional optimism at its finest) I’ll be staying in hostels to save a ridiculous amount of money and to meet people from all over the world. Sadly, even though I feel younger than I did ten years ago, I’m too old to stay at a lot of the cheapest European hostels ($8/night) but the lowest priced situations have truly terrible reviews anyway. Even if I ended up paying $35/night for a hostel room, it would still only cost me just over $1000 a month on lodging. Most of the hostels I’m looking at are around $25 so I’ll likely spend even less. The lodging costs for this trip strangely equal the price of my storage unit, my car payment, car insurance, and the art studio I’ve been squatting in. When everything goes as planned, while in Europe I’ll only have to pay for my storage unit, phone bill, Squarespace & Spotify fees, student loan, and the large payments on the credit card debt I acquired while attempting to maintain a solo residence in Seattle while owning a car (approximately $875 total). This trip is 100% doable when I figure out how to make money remotely. I already know HOW to do it, I just need to choose a few of them and JUST DOOM IT. Finishing and posting this car video is a step in exactly the right direction and I will be posting it today.

I've just never done anything that's turned out to be valuable that I wasn't just scared shitless to do it. -@BreneBrown pic.twitter.com/WaEdKuUk1u

— Chase Jarvis (@chasejarvis) September 12, 2018

After I complete this blog and post my soon to be finished video I know will help me sell my car, I’ll be taking another load of stuff to my storage unit. Without traffic, I can be there in 20 minutes but Seattle isn’t really rolling like that these days. My Smart TV has been in my trunk for almost a week because I want to sell it but I’m still hesitant to meet a stranger from the internet to actually sell the TV. It is now in the way and it must go so I can move the large items. Keeping the television so that I can come back to the US and watch it goes against everything I’m working towards at this time. We’ve reached the time on my daily blog when I must finish it so I can do all the things I’ve just told you I’m going to do. Stay tuned…

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.    Finish car sale video and post!

7.    Take at least one load to my storage unit and rearrange it so more stuff can fit.

8.    Actually go to Everyday Music so I can take the box of mediocre CDs out of my car for good.

9.   Eat a healthy dinner with vegetables involved; bean burritos are good and cheap but they’ve been my last four meals.

10.   Work on Patreon and DOOM videos.

SONG OF THE DAY

B. Cool-Aid – “Cocoa (MNDSGN RMX)” 2017  I have no idea what this song is about yet but I love it and it will be on my upcoming September playlist. When everything goes as planned, I’ll get to see my first Hip Hop show in another country, Mndsgn and Kiefer in London, in a few weeks (if I don’t find one in Bristol sooner). I’ll be reaching out to local musicians to see if they want to show @TheRingOfDOOM around their city but it would be totally awesome to have a chance to talk to two of my favorite Stones Throw artists also.

Day 42 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 42

After typing Day 42 just now, I’m reminded about The Meaning Of Life as written by Douglas Adams that I must either put in a box, sell, or bring with me to Europe. On this 42nd day of writing about pulling the courage to live my best life out of the large steaming pile of bullshit I’ve been peeking from under, I must finally open all the doors around me and experience life on the other side. I must make the damn videos to sell my car and truly launch my Patreon today. As with most, I’m worried that I won’t make a good video so I’m procrastinating. No one starts out as Michel Gondry, even Michel Gondry didn’t start out being good at what he does. If we’re not afraid to grow and learn new skills, we will be stuck doing the same thing forever. It’s easy to find excuses not to do but that only serves to prevent us from living.

I did not take a load of anything to my storage unit because I wanted one more day to take deep breaths before I begin this adventure. That is the truth. I am terrible at relaxing because for as long as I can remember I’ve had such a long way to go to reach financial security that it seems irresponsible to relax. Throughout my music career people would ask me why I wasn’t content where I was. If I was content to pay my bills with a credit card indefinitely so that I could work in the music industry, I’d be a fool. Yes, change is difficult and yes, there will be those who make fun of me for being a 40 year old woman who wears rap shirts and travels with a fictional character but I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this for me and the brand new @TheRingOfDOOM figure I made last night.

Those who are paying attention may have noticed that in addition to documenting the steps I’m taking towards my biggest dreams, this blog is evidence of the great battle going on inside my head and how on a daily basis, I must convince myself to keep going. I’m getting a mental picture of myself up to my neck in my own bullshit, attempting to pull myself out using the vines surrounding me that are actually the power cords of all my devices. I have the entire universe to gain if I wrangle this technology and turn these power cord vines into the Intergalactic Art Bridge I know it can be (cue animation team I hope to be in a position to hire someday). Of course it would be easier to allow myself to stay in this Amazonian jungle of media and scroll through others lives forever but I haven’t been able to find what I want to watch. I want to watch a show where a tiny alien travels the world and talks to artists and helps transmit their messages to the universe. It will be hilarious and inspiring while also showing people beautiful places and alternate ways to live their lives; it will be the best show I have ever seen.

I always wanted my life to be a good story and it already is but I have been letting others write my script for me. Waiting for someone to hand you an opportunity, like an offer to work 40 hours a week to not make enough money to live alone or go to the dentist, will keep us exactly where we are. If we work as hard for ourselves as we do for others, the possibilities are truly endless but I must stop writing about what I’m going to do and JUST DOOM IT. So today on this 42nd day of writing about wading through my own bullshit, I recognize that the meaning of my life is to stop allowing other people to let me feel small and to see that I’ve already built the bridge I must find the courage to cross. It’s easy, I just need to use my brain and my phone to its maximum potential; today.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.     Take load to storage unit and film footage for car sale video

8.     Stop at Everyday Music to sell CDs

9.      Just keep swimming

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller x Prodigy x Alchemist Freestyle On Toca Tuesdays 2013  In the spirit of letting artists know how much we appreciate them while they’re still here, I want Alchemist to know that I think he is one of the greatest musicians of our time and I want to give him a big hug because he probably needs it right now. We do have mutual friends and acquaintances but I probably won’t get to hug him anytime soon. If you’re reading this and you have a chance to hug Alchemist, will you please hug him one more time for me? If you could pick him up and swing him around in a circle too, that would be perfect.

Day 41 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 41

The best thing I could have done yesterday was listen to my brain and I couldn’t be happier that I took the time to do so. Over the next few days, I will be moving out of the 10x10 foot box I’ve created some of my best art in and releasing many of the material possessions that have been difficult to both keep and let go of. One week from today, my life will have changed dramatically because I took many steps to not only figure out what I believe will help me live my best life but to also take steps directly towards it. In 2018, there are opportunities that our 1998 selves would perceive as unfathomable and impossible. We now live in a time where we can literally reach people all over the world in seconds by just tapping our fingers on a screen. Those who have studied this technology as it has emerged have figured out how to wrangle social media into a means to break themselves out of hourly pay struggle mode and create careers based around the things they love the most. Since 2009, I’ve been utilizing social media and the rest of the internet to show the world the music, art, and people that inspire me the most. My internet footprint led to experiences light years beyond what I once felt was possible for me and changed my life 1000%.

Me on the day I tied myself to this beautiful Subaru six years ago. I'm a completely different person now. 

You can believe whatever you want but yesterday’s New Moon brought great change to all of our lives, myself included. One of the lessons I’ve had to keep relearning my 40 years on this Earth is that the first and easiest option that presents itself is usually not the best choice. Three great examples for you; 1) It would have been very easy to stay working at Whole Foods as a cashier and move my way up to financial stability slowly with health insurance and a 401K but I chose to cash in that 401K and start working in the music industry instead. It was the best move I could have ever made. 2) The first guy that wanted to be my boyfriend was a total douche and it would have been easy to remain stuck in his bullshit but I chose to move back to Alaska by myself and take my life in a completely new direction. 3) I married the first person that asked me because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and say no. Saying yes was the easiest option but I could have made both of us happier by taking the hard road and saying no. Happy to have this message cemented in my brain because it has helped me to choose to take @TheRingOfDOOM to London to film a miniseries on my iPhone. There is no path directly toward this goal but I’m going to make one because every step I take on this path will bring me closer to the people I admire the most. It took me 40 years to figure out that I think I can help both myself and millions of others by taking my clay fictional character around the world to highlight artists who are changing the world for the better with their art. It is because I’m sure that no one else has this exact goal that I will succeed. When I finally stopped being a follower and started to lead myself toward my own interests, I ended up right here… packing up all my art supplies and heading to Europe to change the world in the way that only I can.

I won't be packing up @TheRingOfDOOM's cardboard box apartment today so I can get some more footage before it sits in a storage unit for months.

The easiest thing I could do right now would be to keep the car that has been choking me with convenience for the last six years. I could figure out how to earn the $800 I’d need to pay for it while I am away and return to where it has inconvenience people by being in their way in two months; that would be the easiest option. To me, the beautiful car is the last relic of a life that I allowed someone else to choose for me. Last night, I wrote a script for the video I’ll make in the next couple days to sell my car. In the video, I’ll tell both the story of the car and all the opportunities it has provided me and also why it is time for me to let it go. My goal is to travel around Europe for as long as possible and I’d really love to live in New York (or in a Sprinter van en route all the places I have yet to see) when it is time to return to the US. I will not need a car in either of these places and continuing to pay for a car I don’t need will not help me get anywhere. When I worked at an Alaskan resort in the late nineties, most of the senior citizen tourists that came through would tell us that they wished they had traveled when they were younger. My time to travel is now, I’m leaving a week from today and I cannot drive to the places I want to go.

After I move all the belongings I love enough to keep in a storage unit indefinitely (LOL), I won’t need the car anymore. I will film the video that will both highlight the car’s value AND introduce people to the direction I am taking with my life. To do this, I will face one of my greatest fears and get on the otherside of the camera. Getting over this hurdle I’ve created to prevent myself from reaching my infinite potential will lead me directly toward the long journey that is my destination. I created this timeline for myself because I always perform my best when there is a deadline. The time is right now for me to move all this stuff to my storage unit and live out of a suitcase and a backpack for months; it will be the most excellent adventure I will have had so far. If I continue to hide, my progress will stop right here and this blog would need a new name. There is no more time for procrastination, it is time to do.. right now. I'm leaving a week from today. 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.    Take a load of stuff to my storage unit so I can show the world where I’ve been living while I figured out my life’s mission with a car load less clutter.

8.    Prep my car for a goodbye and start making it pretty for whoever buys it.

9.   Finally release my Lisbon post into the world so I can move onto Barcelona.

10.  Take the box of CD’s I’ve prepped to sell to Everyday Music

SONG OF THE DAY

Paul Simon – “Kodachrome” 1973  I cannot wait to share the photos I take in Europe and to see how my crazy project develops. There are at least a dozen Paul Simon songs that send me directly down memory lane when the first notes play. All of these memories became more vibrant after working with Paul Simon’s team a few months ago. Whenever I begin to doubt my vision or feel that my dreams are too big, I remind myself that by following my own path, I have evolved into someone who has disappointed Lauryn Hill by having the audacity to smile at her when driving her around, shown Dave Navarro where his makeup table is, driven world famous rappers around the country, headnodded Eddie Vedder and didn’t look back after I realized who he was, worked for Tom Petty’s documentary team, made some of my favorite musicians laugh, had Robin Williams yell “Hi Liz” to me from across a parking lot, turned my music blog into a roster of artists I’ve worked with, and had some of the most famous people in the world in the backseat of my car. If I was meant to work a regular job and follow a more traditional path, I would not have had these experiences… but I did choose to run towards my biggest dreams, and the opportunities keep getting bigger. Contemplating what may happen next has all the hairs on my arms standing at attention and the only way I will find out is to keep moving forward. It's time to pack.

Day 40 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 40

Here we are eight days away from my departure and I’m still reeling in my thoughts about how I actually plan to make this happen. I greatly aspire to earn some sort of grant or large chunk of money (in addition to my Bumbershoot check & deposit return on my studio) but for the most part I MUST learn how to make money remotely very soon. There are infinite ways to do this in 2018 but the key to all of them is either reaching out to those creating these opportunities or kicking so much ass that they come to me. Both of these require immediate action that I am ready to take.

Last November while en route back to Seattle from Minneapolis after the second leg of Brother Ali’s The #OwnLightTour I felt the call to find a place to make art. I found that place, made the art, and learned infinite things about myself in the process. I had spent six weeks before the tour exploring the US in my Subaru (sleeping in my car 90% of the time) and found the hardest part was finding a place to just be and create. My world changed drastically with the first leg of the tour and I now find myself unable to settle for anything remotely normal again because I have experienced the pure joy of a rap tour. I love the art I made over the last nine months more than I thought I would but I discovered that if I chose to go all in on this particular talent, I’d be spending most of my time alone sorting, cutting, and gluing tiny pieces of paper. I will make art until my last day on this planet but that is not the path that will make me the happiest.

The happiest moments of my life have all been related to my love of music and art. Every opportunity I’ve created for myself was rooted in me showing the world the things I love the most. My interest in the Seattle Hip Hop scene inspired me to start my own music blog back in 2009 that would later serve to be my resume and continue to show the world what I’m all about. By showing the website I had curated to the right person, I was able to immerse myself in the music world and work my way through the ranks at a shocking speed. My (not) secret goal was always to learn exactly how the music industry is working and who the key players are so I could create a path around the mainstream. Seattle is too small for me to tell the story of my music career fully at this time, but, I will say that the white men in power in the music industry are worse than I originally thought and that jumping off the corporate music ladder headfirst into poverty was one of the best decisions I ever made. It is 1000% times better to get hired by the artist’s team directly even if the job offers only show up sporadically. The best thing I can do for both myself and the artists I hope to help reach their maximum potential is to create opportunities for all of us to shine on a global level. One more show at a small bar that is solely attended by other musicians will not help them to get out of struggle mode. I’m sure we can all agree that music is art; so why is it that visual artists can make millions off one piece of art when musicians can inspire millions with one song art and receive very little or no compensation? The answer to that question if fairly obvious to those who are paying attention, but, what is important is what I hope to do about it.

THE TIMELAPSE VIDEO I POSTED ON YOUTUBE YESTERDAY 

Seattle is a wonderful city but all the signs are telling me that it is time to move on. Every step I take above my own bullshit shows me that the only thing holding me back is me; this is obvious to everyone to knows me. I believe so strongly that I MUST go to Europe right now that I’m abandoning all stability and ridding myself of most of my material possessions to make it happen. Yes it is kind of crazy but this is the perfect time to quote Seal, “we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”

After an epic hour and a half conversation with my youngest sister (who just got an MPC!!!) just now, I’ve resolved to make it a priority to try to sell my car before I go and to ask for help doing so. Releasing this vehicle will free me from more than just financial burden, it will close the door on the residual effects of my marriage. I could not be happier to have learned the lessons I did being married to the wrong person but the lessons I learned by being brave enough to get divorced are much more valuable. Letting someone else choose what I prioritized was stupid and six years after my happy divorce, it’s time to slam the door on all that bullshit and take my life in the direction I want to go. Before I met my ex my goal was to figure out how to move to London and it has taken me sixteen years to get back on track. It’s time to go.

I’ll be figuring out how to formally get rid of my car in the coming days but the pricetag is $10,741 to break even on my beautiful 2012 Subaru Outback. Still trying to figure out how to monetize the fact that Ariana Grande (and too many rappers to name) has been in my car but not really. (Side note: sending all my love her way, anyone who blames her for the death of Mac Miller is an asshole.) I cannot wait to see how I take action towards my best life in the next week. I plan on ripping my shell off and showing myself and the rest of the world what I can do when I’m no longer afraid and it’s going to be fucking awesome.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Tidy up my sister and brother-in-law’s place and pick them up from the airport

7.      Start packing up my studio so I can move most of it to my storage unit tomorrow.

8.       Listen to my own brain and take notes

SONG OF THE DAY

Nas – “I Can” 2002  This is a perfect example of how a song can be a banger while also having an excellent message.

Day 39 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 39

As the day of my departure gets closer, I’m getting even more confident it will all work out. It must. Being on this side of the art community makes me realize why people appreciated me so much when I was in a direct position to create opportunities for them in the music industry. It surprised me that people were shocked that I responded to their emails but now I see why. So many people don’t even reply when you reach out directly even when it is a good business practice to do so. Artists appreciate honest feedback even if it is letting them know they’re not yet on the level they need to be. I know I’ll forgive those who have yet to respond like I have forgiven those who did not tip me but when faced between choosing to shine light on people who have helped create opportunities for me and those who haven’t, the choice will be easy. Seattle is really damn small and rarely does being Seattle-famous add up to anything but I am actively working on changing that… which is why I know I will succeed.

It can be tricky to not dwell on the reasons one believes they are not succeeding. Every second spent thinking about who/what we believe is holding us back is a second not spent thinking about how to achieve our goals. I have not succeeded yet because I have not been able to communicate my ideas to the right people even with my white privilege working for me. It is because I am simultaneously trying to hide and change the world at the same time that my progress seems to have stalled out (not true, progressing every day). It is also because I have been afraid to put myself back in a position in which people reach out on a daily basis for help that my calls to the world are still ringing. Only by fine-tuning the messages I want the world will receive will I get closer to achieving my goals. My goal is to make the world a better place by highlighting the artists intent on creating art that unites us and gives us a reason to smile on a global level… including myself.

Yesterday’s adventure to the woods was exactly what I needed but did very little to suppress my desire to wander. I often forget that before I bound myself to another that I was a very happy seasonal worker. I worked at ski resorts in the winter and spent my summers employed at resorts in Alaska and summer camps/marinas in Lake Tahoe. From the moment I first went to Alaska at the age of eighteen, I knew that I was not meant to sit at a desk and that I would seek out adventures until my last days on this Earth. The music scenes are not that crackin’ in these remote locations so that can either be seen as an opportunity or a barrier depending on one’s attitude. Depending on what opportunities I create for myself while in Europe, I will most likely return to the mountains after/if I head back to the states. Wandering around the Alpental ski resort yesterday brought back tons of great memories from my era as a snowboard instructor and I finally recalled that the only reason I left was because my ex wanted to. 

’ve spent at least six hours over the last few days doing things that must be done but that aren’t that fun… like talking with the people at Americor about my debt relief program (even though everyone I’ve spoken with is a truly awesome human), freeing up space on my computer because it was like nah, and attempting to organize my photos and videos. Technical difficulties have held me back from so many things (#1 example is making music) and at this very moment, I’m successfully moving videos from my newish phone to my laptop for the first time. Good things happen when you try.

Over the next week I will finish my Patreon video and send it out into the world. I will sum up my plans to change the universe in under two minutes and motivate people to rally behind me because I must. I want to work my ass off for people who acknowledge my efforts and are classy enough to compensate me for all that I bring to the table. That person could be me if I make it so but I know that with the right team, this project could be much bigger than myself and @TheRingOfDOOM and the sooner I figure out how to draw that team to me, the better.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Further research on successful Patreon videos and storyboarding my own.

7.     Post a video on YouTube because I need practice!!!

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller feat. Anderson.Paak – “Dang” 2016  I’ve had a soft spot for Mac Miller in my heart since the day I drove him and Ariana around in my Subaru a few years back (shortly after this song came out). My favorite thing about our short time together is that he was convinced we had met before; so much so that he stayed in the car for over a minute after his friends got out to investigate where we could have met. Sadly, I could not remember if we had because at that time in my career, I was driving so many artists around that I did not recall. We’ve lost some of our greatest heroes because we could not see that they needed help through our admiration and awe even when they were telling us with their art. Sending all my love to those who feel the pain of this loss, love you Mac.