Day 66 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 66

So thoroughly disgusted by the state of our government at this time and it is hard to think of anything else. I know taking breaks from social media is wise but men (and WOMEN!) in suits are about to give a rapist a seat on the Supreme Court and it is impossible to ignore. I desperately need to figure out how to earn more money so I can feed myself, get an actual place to live, and figure out how to not be depressed anymore but this is making me trust society even less. Disappointed that so many women bring each other down when men are terrorizing all of us. Worrying about my own shit seems selfish at this time but I still cannot take care of anyone or anything if I cannot take care of myself. As I’ve been writing this, I’ve been reloading news about Kavanaugh and it looks like he will get what he wants even though he is a rapist. I think it is safe to say that mind-altering drugs are real… and they might be made of money. So thoroughly disgusted.

Permanent retreat into my own science fiction universe sounds like the best idea at this time but who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow. Even that option wouldn’t help me find a way to create sustainable income today or make any real connections with actual humans. If we all resort to escapism, we’ll crumble under this reign of terror… and that is exactly what they want.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

7.     Go to work and kick ass

SONG OF THE DAY

DJ Shadow “Dark Days” 2000

Day 65 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 65

Still over here tryna learn how to be a healthy human. I’ve been coughing so much I feel like I’ve been OD’ing on ab workout videos. My creative ideas are flowing like crazy but I must prioritize hydration, nutrition, and overall health over everything. Still not sure how to put that into action when I’m trying to save every penny to move somewhere as soon as possible but I’ll figure this out. Taking a nap before I head into work in hopes I’ll feel more alive when I wake.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

7.     Go to work and kick ass

SONG OF THE DAY

FKA Twigs “Hide” 2014 This video is amazing when you’re able to ignore that one of the kids looks like he peed his pants.

Day 64 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 64

I finally let my Sister take my temperature and I realized that I’ve had a fever for four days. I do not remember the last time I checked in on my temperature. I’ve never owned a thermometer (that wasn’t for cooking) as an adult. When I checked this morning, the fever was gone but I am not yet functional. I was disappointed to call in sick to work but it would have been irresponsible to deliver food in this state even if it is technically possible. I tried to be good and not watch any screens last night so I’d have a better chance to fall asleep but that turned into anger/sadness/regret/anger/sadness/regret and so on for eight hours. I eventually fell asleep shortly after I heard my nephew waking up this morning. When I woke up a couple hours later my shirt was soaked through. The job is so easy that I still worked two full shifts while dizzy with a fever but that doesn’t make it right. I really don’t want to write too much today because my optimism is temporarily out of order and the things I’m inspired to write would only express my anger, sadness, and regret. At this time I am most grateful that I have two Sisters that I love more than anything else in this entire universe, that I don’t have to pay my student loans for a year because I’m officially too poor, and that I finally watched Coco this morning.

Stars don’t fit in.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

SONG OF THE DAY

Charlotte Day Wilson “Nothing New” 2018

Day 63 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 63

Feeling way better than yesterday and also more ready to tackle my first three goals… for real this time. I have never actually measured how much water I drink but I know it hasn’t been enough. I’m finally hungry again so I’m looking forward to eating all the things, like Kalbi Beef Tacos from Marination. Watching part of Lord Of The Rings did help refill my metaphorical vessel a bit because it was time I did not spend on social media. I wholeheartedly admit that I scroll too much because I like to see what is going on in the world and with the people I’m too in my head to hang out with. The current events with Kavanaugh and Queen Dr. Christine Blasey Ford hit extremely close to home and it hurts too much to see often. Trump and his cronies want us to be divided and sad and it is working too well. Terrified to know what they are distracting us from this time. Anyway, I must take a mini break from Facebook and Twitter (duh Liz) and only use it to promote my own projects for a bit. #justsaynotoscrolling

I’m currently researching how some of our favorite legends/stories began. Specifically, did Tolkien start with a map or a cast of characters or an outline, or did he just start writing? I wonder the same thing about J.K. Rowling, Alan Moore with Watchmen, and pretty much every comic book or series ever. Since Tolkein was an Oxford professor I’m pretty sure he must have already known a ton about the legends he placed in the series and would definitely not have just started writing. At first I wasn’t sure if I would find any useful use for my UW History Degree but some of my favorite authors were History Professors that weaved their historical knowledge in with Fantasy to create incredible results. At some point for school I read a Deborah Harkness (another History Professor) book about London’s Alchemy Community in the 16th Century called The Jewel House that was written so well that I could hardly tell it was a History book. After I graduated, I found the time to read her Fantasy book, A Discovery Of Witches, and I was hooked. I’ve always been curious about the origins of legends and was planning on further researching the topic more while in Europe. I studied King Arthur and I cannot wait to go to Tintagel Castle and Merlin’s Cave even though he is likely a purely fictional character like @TheRingOfDOOM. Fairies, elves, goblins, and other fantastical creatures are also rooted in Europe and I’d love to go take deep breaths in a place where they’re rumored to have existed. History is written by the survivors and sometimes even voted on by the elites of the time (Council Of Nicaea) and we may never know the stories of those who they squashed. The point of all this is I have already created so many elements of @TheRingOfDOOM’s story but haven’t put it all together yet. Over a year ago, I made a list of all the things I had already mentioned on his Instagram and it was six pages long. His story is very visual so it will definitely be a photo-graphic novel (I can’t draw and I want to keep working on my photography skills) and I truly can’t wait to see what I come up with next. Currently daydreaming about the layout of his home planet. It sure will be wicked awesome when I get my shit together enough to actually make this happen. Fortunately, we live in a time when I can publish it myself if I feel so inclined but I’d really love to work with Fantagraphics and/or another publisher with an excellent reputation. Anything is possible if I JUST DOOM IT.

Since I’m still recovering from the sickness and I’m hoping to be closer to full operating mode tomorrow for work, I’m not going to try to do too much today. I’ve never been good at being still and in general the more I do, the better I feel but sleep and relaxation is good, so I’ve heard. All I know for sure is that I drink enough water, eat three meals, and stretch for at least ten minutes, I will feel better tomorrow than I do today. I still have yet to finalize today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video but I have drafted so many over the last few years, these first ones will likely be me clearing out my iMovie to make room for the new stuff. Wonder how long it will take me to ask an actual person to be in one of his movies…

 TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

7.     Go for a walk

SONG OF THE DAY

DEPECHE MODE “The World In My Eyes”1990  Violator remains to be one of my favorite albums and this whole blog is pretty much about me wanting to show you the world in my eyes full time.

Day 61 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 61

I can’t be the only one that has looked up “how to be a healthy grownup.” The Google results do not give me the answers I am looking for. If they did teach us this in school, I buried it under a few decades of ignoring my needs to be a subservient employee/person. What I used to call strategic dehydration so I could work without having to take bathroom breaks and impress my bosses, I now see was prioritizing other’s needs before my own and was self-destructive. A vague memory of a meditation lesson in a junior high portable just emerged but we mostly giggled through it because someone farted or something. I could really use a definitive list of all the things I need to do/eat to be healthy but only I can make that list. I guess it is obvious when I really think about it but putting it into action daily is tricky.  I’ve accomplished the most when I’m on my Mary Poppins, meaning when I turn my to do list into a game. It would be wise if I made a gameboard of how to be a healthy adult sooner than later. I would put stuff on it like vitamins, drinking water, stretching, eating vegetables, brushing/flossing, learning how to relax, etc. My huge 90 minute work block bulletin board (with 421 completed work blocks and only eleven-ish completed 10 minute stretches) remains intact in my storage unit with the rest of my art/life/nostalgia supplies… maybe it’s time for a new travel-size bulletin board as I’m still living out of a suitcase and small backpack. I’m still amazed by the art I made during my blind pursuit of my own creativity but I need to reprioritize my whole shit. We can’t accomplish any of our dreams at all if we’re dehydrated, malnutritioned, and tied in knots (emotionally/physically). 

Last night I dreamed that one of my favorite visual artists was my friend and when I woke up I was bummed that I haven’t even met him yet. He’s been brave enough to share his journey toward sobriety with the world and it made me love him even more. I know I’ll meet him eventually and I hope we get to have some real conversations. Even though I’ve literally given last minute advice to tons of superfans (and have gotten many jobs because I’m so good at being around/helping/driving famous people) about how to be cool when they meet their heroes, I’m still terrible at meeting my own unless we get to work together. The first great example of this is when I met Peanut Butter Wolf at a festival. A photo of him I made at the release of the Stones Throw documentary, Our Vinyl Weighs A Ton, was my phone wallpaper for years because I was working toward being the Peanut Butter Wolf of Seattle in my own weird way. I drove solo all the way to LA from Seattle to go the event and didn’t talk to him; even though he was less than three feet away from me. I still have the same goal to help artists be their best selves but fortunately I’ve gotten even weirder and have expanded my mission to include the entire universe. When I met him, all I could say was, “will you take a picture with my friend” and handed him @TheRingOfDOOM like a dumbass. The time I met Dan The Automator, one of my all-time favorite producers, I may have listed off too many of his projects that I loved and I’m pretty sure I weirded him out. At least he knows I guess? Here’s hoping when I eventually meet Prince Paul, Danger Mouse, Alchemist, and Evidence I’m able to play it a little bit cooler. Ideally, I’ll get a chance to work with these artists so that I can show them I’m not messin around and that I’d be the best possible addition to their team.

I want to write about all the political bullshit but it is still too painful and hits too close to home. Most of the men I have been mistreated by likely do not even realize the damage they have done or that they were doing anything wrong. I have received zero ill treatment (of a sexual harassment nature) from men while on the job in the music industry but I am confident that I have not gotten jobs because I am a woman. I don’t want to go into detail on the specific jobs because my heart remains broken and they may come around eventually. The Underground Hip Hop world is a total sausage fest and while I do know some totally bad ass women in the community, most of the key players I once hoped to work with and learn from are men. To anyone out there who thinks I’m in this to date rappers… if that was my goal, I would not have been single for the last six years and go fuck yourself.

It’s time to put a bow on this so I can finish up Day 2 of #100DaysOfTheRingOfDOOMvideos and head to work. My first payday is tomorrow and it could not have come any sooner. Soon I’ll be able to breathe!

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Work on next @TheRingOfDOOM video

8.     Start November playlist

SONG OF THE DAY

Massive Attack “Paradise Circus” 2010 If you like this song as much as I do, you’ll love the remix by Gui Borrato.

Day 60 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 60

I’m happy to say that I completed all of my goals yesterday aside from the water… the easiest one. The September playlist has already been released and I’ll be posting my latest @TheRingOfDOOM video shortly. I kicked off #100DaysOfStickersWith206LizPartDeux yesterday and today will be the first day of #100DaysOfTheRingOfDOOMvideos. These 100 Day projects help me to stay on track on the days when I wonder why I’m doing all this. I already have 100+ sticker photos so that will be easy but the video one will be my big challenge. Looking forward to seeing how my videos evolve over the next 100 days. I don’t think I’ll be uploading them to Facebook anymore cuz they are d-bags.

Day 2 of #100DaysOfStickersWith206LizPartDeux

Today I’ll be working an extra long shift (Only 8 hours! Usually the shifts are 4 hours.) at the pizza spot so I’ll rake in even more dough. Looking forward to seeing the first direct deposits come through so I can pay my bills weeks before they are due like a boss. The gig economy is rough to say the least and causes all of us to say yes to jobs that aren’t paying us what we’re worth because every penny counts. In the past month, I’ve turned down three great gigs (two of them tours) in favor of health/dental and some form of stability. I’m prioritizing this creative work now so I will have something to come back to when I return from the many tours I plan to go on in the future. The post-tour depression is too real when you’ve worked yourself into solitary confinement and have been returning “home” to squat in your 10x10 art studio for the last 11 months. I’ll figure this shit out eventually as long as I keep on doing, working smarter, working harder, and hanging out with actual people who want to see me succeed.

Someone asked me on Reddit if they could use my flamingo sunset collage as their Soundcloud song image and I’m not sure what to say about it. I know I should get paid if someone wants to use my art but this is my first time in this situation so it’s tricky. At this point, I’m thinking about dropping my PayPal link in the reply and saying yes with the condition that I will use the image myself someday… fuck it, I’m going to say no. This artist only has three songs and no other social media presence so I don’t think I want to open the door to random Reddit messages from this person. If someone did want to use the image in the future (myself included), I’d rather it be someone I know… or would like to know. I’m not going to be that nice anymore. I still have 20 Organic cotton blank black tote bags that are in need of an image and maybe that is the one.

Today I did things in a different order so I’ve already completed a few of my goals. It helps to have some sort of structure to the day when you’re trying to get a lot of things done… duh Liz. I’ve abandoned the 90 minute work blocks for a bit and just keep on working when I feel so inclined. I may get back into it but first I want to see what I accomplish over the next week without the blocks.

The September Spotify Playlist has arrived!

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Work on next @TheRingOfDOOM video

8.     Start November playlist

9.     Fold laundry

10.  Post September playlist and promote

11.  Post Day 1 of #100DaysOfTheRingOfDOOMvideos

SONG OF THE DAY

Jessie Reyez “Apple Juice” 2018  She’s so rad.

Day 59 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 59

Yesterday I worked and spent most of the rest of the day attempting to relax. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to go back to Portland to make more photos. One of my would-be favorite shots from Burnside has my finger in it so my perfectionism won’t let me post it. I’ll be heading downtown to take some photos this afternoon before work because there are some spots I haven’t photographed in too long. I’ve been procrastinating the completion of my video from the beach like a dumbass. If I really want to do myself a service, I’ll start my next two 100 Day Projects today so I can feel like I’m making progress in life. Even though I’ve never made a penny off my websites, they have led to every opportunity in the music industry I’ve ever had so I know it is worth it to keep going.

Favorite photo from my field trip.

Sometimes I think I don’t have the entrepreneur gene but then I remember that my cousin and I created our own newspaper when we were around 10 and had actual subscribers. We hand typed every issue ON TYPEWRITERS and charged 25 cents each; it was called the Market Street Reporter. I believe I have one or two in my storage unit somewhere (I’ve had most of my belongings in storage for almost two years now). The truth is that I haven’t pulled the trigger on most of my ideas because I doubt myself AND because I still feel weird about using DOOM’s likeness and making money from it. I have asked them in the past if they’d like me to stop but they asked if I would send them what I was working on. The zine I had just made was crude and unimpressive but I sent it to them anyway. No response from that but I totally get it. When you know you’re going to be sending whatever you make to your one of your favorite rapper’s teams, the stakes feel higher. I still want to make the photo-graphic novel and videos because it’ll help me to learn new skills and develop the story. At one point a French duo called NowFutur created a DOOM mix called Origins Of The Villain using samples from his songs and his original sources to create a video project that inspired DOOM to have them open for him at some of his European shows. Anything is possible if I make the thing and vice versa.

My trip to Europe feels so far off now because it is. Unless I can get some sponsors, I won’t be able to go until the spring. That would give me time to hopefully earn enough to pay for my dental work (even with my insurance) and raise the funds for the trip itself. Ideally, I’ll also be able to have enough to live somewhere when I get back. I’ve already got the Skyscanner alerts set so I can hopefully get the ticket for under $500 like last time. The trip won’t magically happen in the spring, I will have to make it happen with small steps every day. I’ll be seeking out a sublet situation once I earn the fundage… soon. So excited for the paychecks to start flowing. I don’t plan on living alone so it should be pretty affordable. Usually I just want to hide in my room and make stuff anyway so I’m a great roommate.

The sad photo with a finger in it.

Sometimes writing this blog makes me feel like I’m just talking about the things I want to do instead of just doing them… because it is true. I enjoy the act of writing and would love to keep doing it, I just can’t let it take up so much time that it replaces creating the rest of the art I want to make. Even though I know where I want to go, the route is still blurry. All I know for sure is that I won’t get anywhere if I don’t keep finishing stuff. I didn’t complete any of the things I wanted to yesterday so my goals remain the same but I added a walk.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Make a video from the footage I got yesterday at the ocean.

8.     Finish September Spotify playlist

9.     Go for a walk and make some new photos.

SONG OF THE DAY

Gorillaz “Tomorrow Comes Today” 2001  If I keep on putting it off until tomorrow, I’ll be running in place forever.

Day 52 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 52

So much can change in a day if you make it so. In two months my HEALTH AND DENTAL INSURANCE will kick in at my new job delivering pizza at a locally owned spot that does business the right way. Jobs with free food are wicked awesome… especially when you just drop it off and don’t have to wipe up the spills at their feet. Of course it would have been cooler to write a story on dental tourism in Spain but this feels very Sofia Amoruso/Girlboss at this time and I’m more than ready to work my ass off. I already filled out the paperwork and get to start tomorrow; I love it when the hiring process goes so quickly. One of the best things about this job is that the harder I work, the more money I make. So many jobs do not reward efficiency so the slackers I was working alongside would make the same as my overachieving self. My new schedule leaves me with many hours in the day to find a midday job as well so I’m adding researching/applying for dog walking jobs to today’s to do list. This means I’ll be keeping my car until further notice and staying with generous family in the greater Seattle area until I have enough fundage to move into a sublet… which will be sooner than later. I realize this goes back on three of my declarations; wanted to leave Seattle, using my car to make money, working a job just for the $; but I need money like years ago so that’s just the way its gotta be. My support system is here. I used to deliver pizza in the late 90s at a spot in North Lake Tahoe before I had a cell phone and loved it; I’ll make the most of it and get to listen to tons of great music while I’m driving.

I finally sold some boots on eBay that have been sitting in a box unworn for years so today I get to go on a treasure hunt in my storage unit which is currently a hot mess like the rest of me. I’ll still be living out of my suitcase and small backpack for awhile but I will have access to all the rest of my random stuff if I need it. As much as I love making my collages, I’m going to backburner it for a while because I need to take the time to get good at the thing I want to do the most; video. The gig economy makes it tricky to get good at one thing because I’ve had to wear so many hats over the years but I want to be good at creating videos so I’ll put in the work. I’m hesitant to make it a #100DayProject (it would be my fourth) because I know how much work it will be and I’m already hoping to work at least two jobs for a bit. It would be wise to just start that project right now because it really only takes a few minutes to make a video these days… I’ve just talked myself into it. YouTube presence is clutch and exactly where I want to go. The path of happy people I’ve been following AND my long-term obsession with music videos/film have led me right here. I want to set myself up for a balanced life where I have ample time to work my job(s), make art, get enough sleep, eat healthy, and actually have a social life but Seattle doesn’t really work that way if you’re on a delivering pizza level. This job will allow me to make the money I need every month to pay my bills/debts and all the rest can go to setting myself up for the future I most want.

Last night I started working on my shelved Washington DC video again. I had to put it down for a while because DC’s vibe left a horrible taste in my mouth and it hurt my soul to spend too much time thinking about our evil government. One of my career heroes has said that it is bad for business to talk about politics because you can alienate your potential customers but I’ve decided to completely reject that idea to be a good person. This same man also preaches kindness and finding your niche so it seems backwards for him not to openly denounce our sexual predator president and our country’s racist terrorism, especially because he and his family are immigrants and he has women he loves in his life. I won’t name him here because I’d rather have this conversation with him in real life someday and otherwise he seems a great person to have on your team who truly means well. I understand that he is trying to maximize his profits like a good businessman should but if he’s afraid to pick a side in the battle of good vs. evil, then he probably isn’t as good of a person as I hoped he was. If he truly wants to build his business the right way, he would take a stand even if it took him longer to reach his goal. Not speaking up about the wrongs in our society makes him an enabler of the established racist/sexist system and it’s sad that he’s encouraging others to keep their political beliefs to themselves to make money.

@acodd art as seen the night of his show with @leo.shallat & @claude206

I’d much rather work to educate those who are on the wrong team so they can understand that having a president who has openly admitted to grabbing women by the pussy and is a NAZI (among many other evil traits) is the worst possible thing for our country. In no way do I plan on being a political activist but I do have a couple videos on deck that Cheeto-fans will hate me for… including this DC video. I’ve vowed that the next time I see a MAGA hat, I’ll start a conversation with the person about what that means to them and try to remain calm while we talk through how they ended up wearing the symbol of a terrorist on their head and why it hurts my soul and many others to see it...  instead of just scowl at them. I want my life to be about seeking out positivity but so do all the black people that are being terrorized and murdered by police, the children and their parents being detained separately by our government, all the homeless people everywhere that fell victim to capitalism, and all the women who have been mistreated by men (including myself). I still plan to focus on making people smile and shining light on artists making the world a better place but it ALWAYS makes me smile to see people standing up to the evil in our society and we need heroes more than ever. Facing our demons head on is important for survival.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to storage unit to get sold eBay boots, work pants, etc.

7.     Finish my hire packet for tomorrow’s orientation

8.     Get Direct Deposit form ready from BECU to bring to tomorrow’s orientation

9.     Reprove I’m broke w/ tax return info I find in storage unit so I can pay low payments on my student loans for another year.

10.  Post 1 video on YouTube & promote

11.  Mail boots I sold on eBay

12.  Apply for dog walker jobs

13.  Take at least one new @TheRingOfDOOM photo, his new body has yet to be photographed outside.

SONG OF THE DAY

Florence + The Machine “Dog Days Are Over” 2009   I have tons of respect for Florence, her Machine, and her art but I hated seeing corporate advertisements for her latest album wheatpasted all over New York. This song remains beautiful no matter how I feel about corporate Street Art.

Day 47 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 47

This morning was a tough one because I knew I’d have to tell whoever was reading this that I did not complete either of my big goals for the day. I sat outside BECU and fielded emails, texts, and calls from strangers until it became obvious that no one was coming. By this time, I was ridiculously hungry, defeated, and heartbroken at the realization that I do not have the skills to do this alone. It’s 100% true that I do not know how to sell a car to a stranger because I don’t know all the ways they could take advantage of my kindness and inexperience. Purchasing the car was not a solo mission, owning the car should never have been a solo mission, and releasing the car is unfortunately no different. My youngest sister helped me to realize that I needed to remove the blockages in my way as soon as possible so instead of painting my studio yesterday afternoon, I came back to my sister and brother-in-law’s house and dug a much-needed metaphorical shovel into my head. I learned that I still feel the sharp pain of those who I wronged me in the past and that I’ve stunted my growth severely by not tackling this sooner.

The saddest part of my new fear of a Craigslist predator AND the recent theft of my credit card information is that it became obvious that I must look for the worst in people and be wary of ways I can be taken advantage of… the exact opposite of my default. It is easy for me to seek out the best in people and truly feel sorry for those who have chosen a path that requires them to seek out the unsavory parts of life. I fear they may look for the worst within themselves also and that is a terrible way to live life. For most of my own life, I’ve unknowingly been dealing with the residual shame issues from my childhood trauma. When I’m around those whose sole purpose in life is to look for the worst in people, they cause me to project exactly what I believe they are looking for… even when its not there. When combined with my tendency to retreat into my own head, this has resulted in me being misunderstood by most. It will take me awhile to know exactly how to deal with my own personal traumas but I recognize the issue and am taking steps towards managing it.

It is obvious to anyone paying attention (myself included) that all of my troubles are rooted in my lack of self worth. I could not be more aware that I am more privileged than billions of other humans and I am ashamed that I have not yet learned how to wrangle it into something that can help others or keep myself afloat. I recognize that the roots of this are not my fault but it is my fault that I have not tackled them earlier. Because I have been afraid to do the things at the top of my list for years, my growth was stunted and I was not able to take advantage of opportunities right in front of my face. I wholeheartedly believe that all the time I spent alone over the last six years was worth every penny I invested in it. Even though the solitude has become toxic, it enabled me to recognize exactly what I want to do with my life and to recognize the blockades I placed in my own way. I understand that what I aim to do makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable… and that is okay. I am beginning a venture that will change a lot of lives for the better in a way that I have yet to be able to communicate. I am starting this adventure from a the bottom of the hole I dug for myself by not reaching for the vines of technology and actual humans that surround me sooner.

It is true that I allowed myself to be led around by others in the past, so much so that I never even considered what my passions were until after I got divorced six years ago. It is true that I did not stand up for myself and ask for more money when I needed it the most because I felt so lucky to be there… until I didn’t. It is true that I allowed an evil music corporation to break my heart, drive me into depression, and to live a life where most of my belongings are in storage for almost two years. I found out recently that AEG is actually so terrible that if I submit my paystubs, I will get a check for the amount of money they officially screwed me out of via tax fraud. These are the people I trusted with my career and when I was working almost every single day, I still never had enough to pay for the car I needed to do the job. Because I had the audacity to try to live alone AND own the car I used for work, I had to move out of my apartment because Bezosian Rent Warfare and overachieving for AEG drove me severely into debt. I wanted to please them so badly that I never asked for the money they owed me on multiple occasions and still have not because I only want to look forward. This cemented the fact that I MUST figure out a way for myself and the artists I love to work around the evil predators who have us by the wallets. Example… I saved hundreds of dollars so far by purchasing a big can of Kroger coffee. Yes it feels good to save money but to do so I voted with my wallet for an evil corporation and did not support any of the local coffee roasters doing business the right way; plus I drank terrible coffee every day and ingested whatever poisons they put on the coffee plants.

For some reason, writing this paragraph has me shook because it has the power to literally remove the largest block I’ve put in front of me. I remain on my mission to change the world in the best way with @TheRingOfDOOM because this is the direct route out of the darkness I’ve been stuck in. I remain confident that this Europe trip will help me to create opportunities for myself and others to break out of the struggle mode that has prevented us from reaching our greatest potential. I remain confident that this trip will go so well that I will learn how to create income while traveling in the next week. I am no longer confident that tackling all of life’s challenges alone is a good idea. I have seen the light through the darkness and am stepping towards it every day but it is time to reach for those around me who do care enough to help. That’s it. That’s the thing that has been stopping me from accomplishing my dreams and preventing me from creating relationships with the people I admire the most. Yes, I SHOULD have recognized this years ago but I didn’t. I recognize it now and I MUST use this knowledge to grow into the person I can be. I SHOULD keep this to myself so that I can better deflect bad energy but I MUST find my strength and inspire others to reach out of the darkness as well. I MUST crack off the protective shell caging me into my comfort zone so I don’t remain inside it forever. Right now this shell is a 2012 Subaru Outback that has caused me to pursue money instead of seek out love; I need help cracking the shell.

I could probably write about this all day long but I’ve already been writing for over two hours. It is time for me to tie up all the loose ends of Seattle so I can depart tomorrow afternoon and seek out guidance from those who do want to help. For myself and all of those who believe their dreams are I’mPossible, I will use this momentum to carry me forward. It is the only option. 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.   Start a load of laundry, eat, shower.

7.   Get supplies to paint my art studio.

8.   Paint the studio while absorbing the life lessons of those who have traveled this path already.

9.    Reach out for back up about selling my car.

10.   Pack my suitcase with clean clothes and run directly towards the light.

SONG OF THE DAY

Blockhead “The Music Scene” 2009  Fall down 1000 times, get up 1001 times.

Day 45 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 45

Yesterday was extremely productive but my biggest challenges are still ahead. At this moment, my art studio is empty aside from the stuff I’ll use to clean the place up. After I write this, I’ll take my last load of stuff to my storage unit and be left with only the suitcase and small backpack I’ll take with me to Europe. The final carload is mostly art I believe will raise in value the further I run with this adventure. I did receive an offer to buy one of my pieces but it worked out to approximately $1/hour so I’ll be holding onto that until further notice. I love making art but it is not yet my greatest skill. This adventure is about betting on my talents and creating the best job for me.

Approximately 19 years ago, I spilled Newcastle beer all over this jacket and have left it in storage ever since. I finally tackled the stain on my past and will be wearing it t proudly soon. Yes, this is a metaphor for life.

I could not be more aware that there are many things I SHOULD be doing but all of those things would serve only to keep me broke for years and living a life that someone else controls. We all know that having one job in Seattle (especially in the music industry) will not earn someone enough money to live a healthy life. I’d need to work three jobs for multiple years to get where I know this project could be next week if I’m able to effectively share my vision with those in a position to help. While of course there are examples of people who have accomplished great feats by taking the long route, I believe most of them would agree that the best move in any situation is to work smarter, not harder. It has already been proven that it is 100% possible for people to create careers for themselves in which they’re able to work remotely and travel at the same time. This is the most direct route to success; this exact road that I’m on right now will lead me directly to the people that inspire me the most and put me in a position in which I can create opportunities for artists all over the world. If I follow the route I SHOULD take, I will inspire no one and not be in a position to help the people I admire in the ways I know I can for many years… in addition to being super depressed because I succumbed to the pressures of conformity again.  

That said, I am 100% willing to be proven wrong on this. I will happily consider any full time job offers almost anywhere in the world if that one job would pay me enough to live in that city. I’m qualified to do 1111 things in the music industry, have a UW History Degree, excel in customer service, and have been creating content for my own website for nine years so far. In a perfect world, I SHOULD be able to find a job like this easily but America is broken. Those paying attention know it’s not actually broken, it is fixed in favor of white rich men in suits. I intend to seek out all the ways that artists can make money outside of the hourly wage system that has kept all of us in struggle mode for too long. If I have ever shown an interest in you or your art, I’m doing this for you. In 2018, there are people who make millions of dollars a year playing video games, many professional travel vloggers, and millions of online businesses. Following a traditional route with all this technology is not only stupid but also a means to stay exactly where we are. So of course I SHOULD get a job in the system with health, dental, and a 401K but if I did that the only person that would win is the company I worked for. Thanks to the wisdom of Elle Luna who wrote a book called, The Crossroads Between Should And Must, I’ve spent a ton of time figuring out what I MUST do. I MUST go directly to Bristol in a few days and start being the change I want to see in the world because it is the best way to help everyone I love the most… myself included. I MUST continue to jump over the obstacles I’ve created for myself to reach the life I know is possible because life is too short not to. I believe so strongly in myself and that there are people out there who will recognize my infinite potential and help me make this happen that I’m going for it right now without a safety net. The ROI on Liz Rowe is off the charts and someone in a position to help will soon realize it. Five years ago, I cashed in my 401K at Whole Foods so I could dive directly into the music industry and it worked so well that within three years I was hiring people to work alongside me at giant music venues. I’ve been on the direct payroll of some of the most successful musician in the world since I quit the corporate music industry at the end of 2016 and I’m just getting going.

An example of the random ish in my storage unit.

After I write this, take my final carload to my storage unit, and clean out the car that has been my best friend for six years. I’ll be facing the challenge of reaching out to someone who can be with me during the car sale transaction. I am so resistant to asking for help that I only own items that I can lift myself AND fit in my Subaru. When I went to BECU yesterday, the person was awesome and let me know that it is totally possible to complete the transaction in the bank so I feel a lot better about attacking this mission solo but it’s still a bad idea. I’d love for the buyer to be able to test drive the car but the thought of getting in any car with a Craigslist stranger alone makes me wince. While I try to live my life unafraid of bad people, they do exist and I’d be a fool to tackle this mission alone.  

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool ; I’ve been slacking on this because my mind is on all of the logistics for at least one or two more days.

6.     Take final car load to storage unit.

7.     Clean car inside and out.

8.     Reach out to someone who can advise on this car selling matter.

9.     Respond to the five people who have expressed interest in my car and try to sell it TODAY.

10.    Just DOOM it.

SONG OF THE DAY

Carly Simon – “You’re So Vain” 1972   I know I’m not the only one that reads random posts on the internet and spends too much time thinking about whether the vague comment is a direct attack on their life mission OR a sign of support from those who haven’t told you to your face that they believe in your mission. I am 100% guilty of doing both of these things. If there actually are people out there who don’t want me to succeed, they’re rooting against someone whose whole goal in life is to create opportunities for underground artists and they might be an asshole. Every second we waste thinking about those who are telling us what we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do is a second we could have spent working towards our goals. I’ve been listening to the advice of people who are living the kind of life I want to live and extracting what applies to my situation and it has led me right here… on my way to put all my stuff in a storage unit, releasing the financial ties that have bound me to a life I don’t want, and ready to go all in on my strengths. Carly Simon is a number 1 boss lady and it’s a classic but this song is kinda weak.

Day 43 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 43

Today was the last day I wake up in this 10x10 box; I’ll be housesitting until I leave next Monday. I am so lucky to have found a place to create and gather my thoughts for $295/month but this is a terrible way to live life and I couldn’t be happier to be moving on to my next adventure. When you wake up in a place you’re not supposed to be, you start off the day trying to be invisible. I’ve been trying to go unnoticed for as long as I can recall so even though this living situation seems (sort of) ideal for someone who is hoping to spend all their money on travel; the cheap rent and isolation ultimately served to steer me further from those I admire the most. As the late, great Mac Miller said in this Fader Documentary, spending too much time alone can be toxic and I feel like walking proof of this statement most of the time. Because I am the Delusional Optimist that I am, I can easily perceive this era as me taking the time to figure out exactly what I wanted to do without letting others influence me and staying away from a vice that could easily overtake me if I allowed it to. It is okay that I am terrible at drinking; I do not want to get better at it even if it means I get to hang out with the cool kids. I’m too old for that shit and my stomach has already told me that whiskey is the devil. I have not quit drinking forever because I plan on drinking wine in Italy, delicious beer in Belgium, and Guinness in Ireland (etc.) but spending money I didn’t have on a beverage that hurts my stomach and risking DUIs is dumb.

Yesterday, I filmed more than sixty minutes of footage of myself addressing the camera. I learned a ton about myself in this hour and also in the multiple hours I’ve spent since editing the video (like sixty minutes of footage for a three minute car commercial might be too much). The most valuable thing I’ve learned so far is that when I’m holding back or thinking about how I look, it shows. Reading the script for the video I had written looked and sounded like it was scripted but I will still use some of it. I MUST FINISH EDITING THIS VIDEO TODAY! Time is running out fast but I believe so strongly that selling this car and going to Europe is what I am supposed to do at this time that I must keep going. I also got some footage of what will be my new Patreon video and the video I’ll send to DOOM and his team to ask again if they’d like me to stop using his mask in my videos. After about ten minutes into editing the footage last night, I realized that I’m going to be really good at this once I get going. Every fear I face along my way will make a better story while also helping me grow as a person. There are wins at every turn of this path.

I learned a lot my last solo trip to Europe and I can’t wait to do it better this time. I mostly overextended myself last time and stayed in hotels but this trip (until my yet-to-be-formed crew and budget arrives and we stay in Air Bnbs; delusional optimism at its finest) I’ll be staying in hostels to save a ridiculous amount of money and to meet people from all over the world. Sadly, even though I feel younger than I did ten years ago, I’m too old to stay at a lot of the cheapest European hostels ($8/night) but the lowest priced situations have truly terrible reviews anyway. Even if I ended up paying $35/night for a hostel room, it would still only cost me just over $1000 a month on lodging. Most of the hostels I’m looking at are around $25 so I’ll likely spend even less. The lodging costs for this trip strangely equal the price of my storage unit, my car payment, car insurance, and the art studio I’ve been squatting in. When everything goes as planned, while in Europe I’ll only have to pay for my storage unit, phone bill, Squarespace & Spotify fees, student loan, and the large payments on the credit card debt I acquired while attempting to maintain a solo residence in Seattle while owning a car (approximately $875 total). This trip is 100% doable when I figure out how to make money remotely. I already know HOW to do it, I just need to choose a few of them and JUST DOOM IT. Finishing and posting this car video is a step in exactly the right direction and I will be posting it today.

I've just never done anything that's turned out to be valuable that I wasn't just scared shitless to do it. -@BreneBrown pic.twitter.com/WaEdKuUk1u

— Chase Jarvis (@chasejarvis) September 12, 2018

After I complete this blog and post my soon to be finished video I know will help me sell my car, I’ll be taking another load of stuff to my storage unit. Without traffic, I can be there in 20 minutes but Seattle isn’t really rolling like that these days. My Smart TV has been in my trunk for almost a week because I want to sell it but I’m still hesitant to meet a stranger from the internet to actually sell the TV. It is now in the way and it must go so I can move the large items. Keeping the television so that I can come back to the US and watch it goes against everything I’m working towards at this time. We’ve reached the time on my daily blog when I must finish it so I can do all the things I’ve just told you I’m going to do. Stay tuned…

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.    Finish car sale video and post!

7.    Take at least one load to my storage unit and rearrange it so more stuff can fit.

8.    Actually go to Everyday Music so I can take the box of mediocre CDs out of my car for good.

9.   Eat a healthy dinner with vegetables involved; bean burritos are good and cheap but they’ve been my last four meals.

10.   Work on Patreon and DOOM videos.

SONG OF THE DAY

B. Cool-Aid – “Cocoa (MNDSGN RMX)” 2017  I have no idea what this song is about yet but I love it and it will be on my upcoming September playlist. When everything goes as planned, I’ll get to see my first Hip Hop show in another country, Mndsgn and Kiefer in London, in a few weeks (if I don’t find one in Bristol sooner). I’ll be reaching out to local musicians to see if they want to show @TheRingOfDOOM around their city but it would be totally awesome to have a chance to talk to two of my favorite Stones Throw artists also.

Day 42 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 42

After typing Day 42 just now, I’m reminded about The Meaning Of Life as written by Douglas Adams that I must either put in a box, sell, or bring with me to Europe. On this 42nd day of writing about pulling the courage to live my best life out of the large steaming pile of bullshit I’ve been peeking from under, I must finally open all the doors around me and experience life on the other side. I must make the damn videos to sell my car and truly launch my Patreon today. As with most, I’m worried that I won’t make a good video so I’m procrastinating. No one starts out as Michel Gondry, even Michel Gondry didn’t start out being good at what he does. If we’re not afraid to grow and learn new skills, we will be stuck doing the same thing forever. It’s easy to find excuses not to do but that only serves to prevent us from living.

I did not take a load of anything to my storage unit because I wanted one more day to take deep breaths before I begin this adventure. That is the truth. I am terrible at relaxing because for as long as I can remember I’ve had such a long way to go to reach financial security that it seems irresponsible to relax. Throughout my music career people would ask me why I wasn’t content where I was. If I was content to pay my bills with a credit card indefinitely so that I could work in the music industry, I’d be a fool. Yes, change is difficult and yes, there will be those who make fun of me for being a 40 year old woman who wears rap shirts and travels with a fictional character but I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this for me and the brand new @TheRingOfDOOM figure I made last night.

Those who are paying attention may have noticed that in addition to documenting the steps I’m taking towards my biggest dreams, this blog is evidence of the great battle going on inside my head and how on a daily basis, I must convince myself to keep going. I’m getting a mental picture of myself up to my neck in my own bullshit, attempting to pull myself out using the vines surrounding me that are actually the power cords of all my devices. I have the entire universe to gain if I wrangle this technology and turn these power cord vines into the Intergalactic Art Bridge I know it can be (cue animation team I hope to be in a position to hire someday). Of course it would be easier to allow myself to stay in this Amazonian jungle of media and scroll through others lives forever but I haven’t been able to find what I want to watch. I want to watch a show where a tiny alien travels the world and talks to artists and helps transmit their messages to the universe. It will be hilarious and inspiring while also showing people beautiful places and alternate ways to live their lives; it will be the best show I have ever seen.

I always wanted my life to be a good story and it already is but I have been letting others write my script for me. Waiting for someone to hand you an opportunity, like an offer to work 40 hours a week to not make enough money to live alone or go to the dentist, will keep us exactly where we are. If we work as hard for ourselves as we do for others, the possibilities are truly endless but I must stop writing about what I’m going to do and JUST DOOM IT. So today on this 42nd day of writing about wading through my own bullshit, I recognize that the meaning of my life is to stop allowing other people to let me feel small and to see that I’ve already built the bridge I must find the courage to cross. It’s easy, I just need to use my brain and my phone to its maximum potential; today.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.     Take load to storage unit and film footage for car sale video

8.     Stop at Everyday Music to sell CDs

9.      Just keep swimming

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller x Prodigy x Alchemist Freestyle On Toca Tuesdays 2013  In the spirit of letting artists know how much we appreciate them while they’re still here, I want Alchemist to know that I think he is one of the greatest musicians of our time and I want to give him a big hug because he probably needs it right now. We do have mutual friends and acquaintances but I probably won’t get to hug him anytime soon. If you’re reading this and you have a chance to hug Alchemist, will you please hug him one more time for me? If you could pick him up and swing him around in a circle too, that would be perfect.

Day 41 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 41

The best thing I could have done yesterday was listen to my brain and I couldn’t be happier that I took the time to do so. Over the next few days, I will be moving out of the 10x10 foot box I’ve created some of my best art in and releasing many of the material possessions that have been difficult to both keep and let go of. One week from today, my life will have changed dramatically because I took many steps to not only figure out what I believe will help me live my best life but to also take steps directly towards it. In 2018, there are opportunities that our 1998 selves would perceive as unfathomable and impossible. We now live in a time where we can literally reach people all over the world in seconds by just tapping our fingers on a screen. Those who have studied this technology as it has emerged have figured out how to wrangle social media into a means to break themselves out of hourly pay struggle mode and create careers based around the things they love the most. Since 2009, I’ve been utilizing social media and the rest of the internet to show the world the music, art, and people that inspire me the most. My internet footprint led to experiences light years beyond what I once felt was possible for me and changed my life 1000%.

Me on the day I tied myself to this beautiful Subaru six years ago. I'm a completely different person now. 

You can believe whatever you want but yesterday’s New Moon brought great change to all of our lives, myself included. One of the lessons I’ve had to keep relearning my 40 years on this Earth is that the first and easiest option that presents itself is usually not the best choice. Three great examples for you; 1) It would have been very easy to stay working at Whole Foods as a cashier and move my way up to financial stability slowly with health insurance and a 401K but I chose to cash in that 401K and start working in the music industry instead. It was the best move I could have ever made. 2) The first guy that wanted to be my boyfriend was a total douche and it would have been easy to remain stuck in his bullshit but I chose to move back to Alaska by myself and take my life in a completely new direction. 3) I married the first person that asked me because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and say no. Saying yes was the easiest option but I could have made both of us happier by taking the hard road and saying no. Happy to have this message cemented in my brain because it has helped me to choose to take @TheRingOfDOOM to London to film a miniseries on my iPhone. There is no path directly toward this goal but I’m going to make one because every step I take on this path will bring me closer to the people I admire the most. It took me 40 years to figure out that I think I can help both myself and millions of others by taking my clay fictional character around the world to highlight artists who are changing the world for the better with their art. It is because I’m sure that no one else has this exact goal that I will succeed. When I finally stopped being a follower and started to lead myself toward my own interests, I ended up right here… packing up all my art supplies and heading to Europe to change the world in the way that only I can.

I won't be packing up @TheRingOfDOOM's cardboard box apartment today so I can get some more footage before it sits in a storage unit for months.

The easiest thing I could do right now would be to keep the car that has been choking me with convenience for the last six years. I could figure out how to earn the $800 I’d need to pay for it while I am away and return to where it has inconvenience people by being in their way in two months; that would be the easiest option. To me, the beautiful car is the last relic of a life that I allowed someone else to choose for me. Last night, I wrote a script for the video I’ll make in the next couple days to sell my car. In the video, I’ll tell both the story of the car and all the opportunities it has provided me and also why it is time for me to let it go. My goal is to travel around Europe for as long as possible and I’d really love to live in New York (or in a Sprinter van en route all the places I have yet to see) when it is time to return to the US. I will not need a car in either of these places and continuing to pay for a car I don’t need will not help me get anywhere. When I worked at an Alaskan resort in the late nineties, most of the senior citizen tourists that came through would tell us that they wished they had traveled when they were younger. My time to travel is now, I’m leaving a week from today and I cannot drive to the places I want to go.

After I move all the belongings I love enough to keep in a storage unit indefinitely (LOL), I won’t need the car anymore. I will film the video that will both highlight the car’s value AND introduce people to the direction I am taking with my life. To do this, I will face one of my greatest fears and get on the otherside of the camera. Getting over this hurdle I’ve created to prevent myself from reaching my infinite potential will lead me directly toward the long journey that is my destination. I created this timeline for myself because I always perform my best when there is a deadline. The time is right now for me to move all this stuff to my storage unit and live out of a suitcase and a backpack for months; it will be the most excellent adventure I will have had so far. If I continue to hide, my progress will stop right here and this blog would need a new name. There is no more time for procrastination, it is time to do.. right now. I'm leaving a week from today. 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.    Take a load of stuff to my storage unit so I can show the world where I’ve been living while I figured out my life’s mission with a car load less clutter.

8.    Prep my car for a goodbye and start making it pretty for whoever buys it.

9.   Finally release my Lisbon post into the world so I can move onto Barcelona.

10.  Take the box of CD’s I’ve prepped to sell to Everyday Music

SONG OF THE DAY

Paul Simon – “Kodachrome” 1973  I cannot wait to share the photos I take in Europe and to see how my crazy project develops. There are at least a dozen Paul Simon songs that send me directly down memory lane when the first notes play. All of these memories became more vibrant after working with Paul Simon’s team a few months ago. Whenever I begin to doubt my vision or feel that my dreams are too big, I remind myself that by following my own path, I have evolved into someone who has disappointed Lauryn Hill by having the audacity to smile at her when driving her around, shown Dave Navarro where his makeup table is, driven world famous rappers around the country, headnodded Eddie Vedder and didn’t look back after I realized who he was, worked for Tom Petty’s documentary team, made some of my favorite musicians laugh, had Robin Williams yell “Hi Liz” to me from across a parking lot, turned my music blog into a roster of artists I’ve worked with, and had some of the most famous people in the world in the backseat of my car. If I was meant to work a regular job and follow a more traditional path, I would not have had these experiences… but I did choose to run towards my biggest dreams, and the opportunities keep getting bigger. Contemplating what may happen next has all the hairs on my arms standing at attention and the only way I will find out is to keep moving forward. It's time to pack.

Day 40 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 40

Here we are eight days away from my departure and I’m still reeling in my thoughts about how I actually plan to make this happen. I greatly aspire to earn some sort of grant or large chunk of money (in addition to my Bumbershoot check & deposit return on my studio) but for the most part I MUST learn how to make money remotely very soon. There are infinite ways to do this in 2018 but the key to all of them is either reaching out to those creating these opportunities or kicking so much ass that they come to me. Both of these require immediate action that I am ready to take.

Last November while en route back to Seattle from Minneapolis after the second leg of Brother Ali’s The #OwnLightTour I felt the call to find a place to make art. I found that place, made the art, and learned infinite things about myself in the process. I had spent six weeks before the tour exploring the US in my Subaru (sleeping in my car 90% of the time) and found the hardest part was finding a place to just be and create. My world changed drastically with the first leg of the tour and I now find myself unable to settle for anything remotely normal again because I have experienced the pure joy of a rap tour. I love the art I made over the last nine months more than I thought I would but I discovered that if I chose to go all in on this particular talent, I’d be spending most of my time alone sorting, cutting, and gluing tiny pieces of paper. I will make art until my last day on this planet but that is not the path that will make me the happiest.

The happiest moments of my life have all been related to my love of music and art. Every opportunity I’ve created for myself was rooted in me showing the world the things I love the most. My interest in the Seattle Hip Hop scene inspired me to start my own music blog back in 2009 that would later serve to be my resume and continue to show the world what I’m all about. By showing the website I had curated to the right person, I was able to immerse myself in the music world and work my way through the ranks at a shocking speed. My (not) secret goal was always to learn exactly how the music industry is working and who the key players are so I could create a path around the mainstream. Seattle is too small for me to tell the story of my music career fully at this time, but, I will say that the white men in power in the music industry are worse than I originally thought and that jumping off the corporate music ladder headfirst into poverty was one of the best decisions I ever made. It is 1000% times better to get hired by the artist’s team directly even if the job offers only show up sporadically. The best thing I can do for both myself and the artists I hope to help reach their maximum potential is to create opportunities for all of us to shine on a global level. One more show at a small bar that is solely attended by other musicians will not help them to get out of struggle mode. I’m sure we can all agree that music is art; so why is it that visual artists can make millions off one piece of art when musicians can inspire millions with one song art and receive very little or no compensation? The answer to that question if fairly obvious to those who are paying attention, but, what is important is what I hope to do about it.

THE TIMELAPSE VIDEO I POSTED ON YOUTUBE YESTERDAY 

Seattle is a wonderful city but all the signs are telling me that it is time to move on. Every step I take above my own bullshit shows me that the only thing holding me back is me; this is obvious to everyone to knows me. I believe so strongly that I MUST go to Europe right now that I’m abandoning all stability and ridding myself of most of my material possessions to make it happen. Yes it is kind of crazy but this is the perfect time to quote Seal, “we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”

After an epic hour and a half conversation with my youngest sister (who just got an MPC!!!) just now, I’ve resolved to make it a priority to try to sell my car before I go and to ask for help doing so. Releasing this vehicle will free me from more than just financial burden, it will close the door on the residual effects of my marriage. I could not be happier to have learned the lessons I did being married to the wrong person but the lessons I learned by being brave enough to get divorced are much more valuable. Letting someone else choose what I prioritized was stupid and six years after my happy divorce, it’s time to slam the door on all that bullshit and take my life in the direction I want to go. Before I met my ex my goal was to figure out how to move to London and it has taken me sixteen years to get back on track. It’s time to go.

I’ll be figuring out how to formally get rid of my car in the coming days but the pricetag is $10,741 to break even on my beautiful 2012 Subaru Outback. Still trying to figure out how to monetize the fact that Ariana Grande (and too many rappers to name) has been in my car but not really. (Side note: sending all my love her way, anyone who blames her for the death of Mac Miller is an asshole.) I cannot wait to see how I take action towards my best life in the next week. I plan on ripping my shell off and showing myself and the rest of the world what I can do when I’m no longer afraid and it’s going to be fucking awesome.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Tidy up my sister and brother-in-law’s place and pick them up from the airport

7.      Start packing up my studio so I can move most of it to my storage unit tomorrow.

8.       Listen to my own brain and take notes

SONG OF THE DAY

Nas – “I Can” 2002  This is a perfect example of how a song can be a banger while also having an excellent message.

Day 39 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 39

As the day of my departure gets closer, I’m getting even more confident it will all work out. It must. Being on this side of the art community makes me realize why people appreciated me so much when I was in a direct position to create opportunities for them in the music industry. It surprised me that people were shocked that I responded to their emails but now I see why. So many people don’t even reply when you reach out directly even when it is a good business practice to do so. Artists appreciate honest feedback even if it is letting them know they’re not yet on the level they need to be. I know I’ll forgive those who have yet to respond like I have forgiven those who did not tip me but when faced between choosing to shine light on people who have helped create opportunities for me and those who haven’t, the choice will be easy. Seattle is really damn small and rarely does being Seattle-famous add up to anything but I am actively working on changing that… which is why I know I will succeed.

It can be tricky to not dwell on the reasons one believes they are not succeeding. Every second spent thinking about who/what we believe is holding us back is a second not spent thinking about how to achieve our goals. I have not succeeded yet because I have not been able to communicate my ideas to the right people even with my white privilege working for me. It is because I am simultaneously trying to hide and change the world at the same time that my progress seems to have stalled out (not true, progressing every day). It is also because I have been afraid to put myself back in a position in which people reach out on a daily basis for help that my calls to the world are still ringing. Only by fine-tuning the messages I want the world will receive will I get closer to achieving my goals. My goal is to make the world a better place by highlighting the artists intent on creating art that unites us and gives us a reason to smile on a global level… including myself.

Yesterday’s adventure to the woods was exactly what I needed but did very little to suppress my desire to wander. I often forget that before I bound myself to another that I was a very happy seasonal worker. I worked at ski resorts in the winter and spent my summers employed at resorts in Alaska and summer camps/marinas in Lake Tahoe. From the moment I first went to Alaska at the age of eighteen, I knew that I was not meant to sit at a desk and that I would seek out adventures until my last days on this Earth. The music scenes are not that crackin’ in these remote locations so that can either be seen as an opportunity or a barrier depending on one’s attitude. Depending on what opportunities I create for myself while in Europe, I will most likely return to the mountains after/if I head back to the states. Wandering around the Alpental ski resort yesterday brought back tons of great memories from my era as a snowboard instructor and I finally recalled that the only reason I left was because my ex wanted to. 

’ve spent at least six hours over the last few days doing things that must be done but that aren’t that fun… like talking with the people at Americor about my debt relief program (even though everyone I’ve spoken with is a truly awesome human), freeing up space on my computer because it was like nah, and attempting to organize my photos and videos. Technical difficulties have held me back from so many things (#1 example is making music) and at this very moment, I’m successfully moving videos from my newish phone to my laptop for the first time. Good things happen when you try.

Over the next week I will finish my Patreon video and send it out into the world. I will sum up my plans to change the universe in under two minutes and motivate people to rally behind me because I must. I want to work my ass off for people who acknowledge my efforts and are classy enough to compensate me for all that I bring to the table. That person could be me if I make it so but I know that with the right team, this project could be much bigger than myself and @TheRingOfDOOM and the sooner I figure out how to draw that team to me, the better.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Further research on successful Patreon videos and storyboarding my own.

7.     Post a video on YouTube because I need practice!!!

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller feat. Anderson.Paak – “Dang” 2016  I’ve had a soft spot for Mac Miller in my heart since the day I drove him and Ariana around in my Subaru a few years back (shortly after this song came out). My favorite thing about our short time together is that he was convinced we had met before; so much so that he stayed in the car for over a minute after his friends got out to investigate where we could have met. Sadly, I could not remember if we had because at that time in my career, I was driving so many artists around that I did not recall. We’ve lost some of our greatest heroes because we could not see that they needed help through our admiration and awe even when they were telling us with their art. Sending all my love to those who feel the pain of this loss, love you Mac. 

Day 37 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 37

Today I woke up and made my plan for the day before I looked at my phone like all the best people recommend. I already went to my studio, the post office, and I’ve eaten breakfast like a boss. These days, the only urgent business I typically have is to make a few bucks on eBay but I know that is temporary. There was a time in my music career in which I could fill an eight-hour workday answering emails and promoting music and events that wouldn’t earn me any money so this is great progress actually. As the day for my departure creeps closer (11 DAYS!), I’m realizing that I’ll need to narrow my focus and prioritize what really needs to happen before I leave. Even if I do all the small stuff to make money before I go like sell my unneeded belongings and work hourly jobs, it still wouldn’t be enough to fund my Europe trip so for the most part it seems like a waste. I must figure out how to earn money while I’m traveling to make this adventure work. Thus lies the I’mPossible. I’ve already let the catering company know that I’ll no longer be working for them because while the money does add up, it’s only enough to keep me squatting in Seattle and the mindstate of those who work there poisons my soul. There are many examples of people who have made a living while traveling and I WILL be one of those people.

@TheRingOfDOOM at the site of the Banksy/Robbo feud in Camden, London in January 2017.

Signs that I am on the right path are coming from all directions. I still am reveling in my good fortune about the random opportunity to work alongside some of the most successful videographers and producers in the world in the weeks before I head off to make my own video series on my iPhone. It was a déjà vu from when I was blessed to work on Tom Petty’s documentary team last summer about a week before I left to drive solo across the country to make tour documentaries about @TheRingOfDOOM. The most encouraging out of all the messages heading my way from the universe are the people whose attention I’ve been able to capture in the last few months. I am the first to admit that overanalyzing Instagram likes could be a pretty silly hobby but when the Creative Director for VICE shows up in your notifications (as he did yesterday), you know you’re getting somewhere. Beyond that, I still smile in wonder when I remember that the Security Guard at Beyond The Streets in LA already knew my travel itinerary before I even said a word to her. The seeds I have been planting on a global scale are 100% intentional and it is working. By photographing @TheRingOfDOOM alongside some of the most famous and talented Street Art AND inside some of the most prestigious museums and galleries in the world, I have placed myself on the radar of all these people and it feels like they’re all waiting to see what I do next. I plan to go to all the galleries in France and the UK that follow me to ensure they’ll keep watching and it is only a matter of time before it all comes together. Rewatching Jack Conte (CEO of Patreon etc.) share his advice about sticking with it has become a daily ritual and I couldn’t be more confident that this trip will change the lives of everyone I know. If I’ve ever shown an interest in your art, know that I’m knowing this to create opportunities for you.

A little pick-me-up from @JackConte 🌟🌟🌟. The full episode is gold. https://t.co/ClJch8aa86 pic.twitter.com/vZo7dA1q9X

— Chase Jarvis (@chasejarvis) September 3, 2018

I’ve always known that when I narrow my focus and work directly towards one goal, I’ll make it happen faster than anyone thought possible. As of today, I will make the creation of @TheRingOfDOOM series and all it’s promotion my number one goal and create my own visual art as my after hours hobby if I have time for it. I love making collages and I can’t wait to make art with found items all over Europe but the long term reality of me going all in on being a visual artist is spending thousands of hours alone gluing tiny pieces of paper. By going all in for my fictional character who is intent on saving Earth by way of inspiring its artist community, I’ll be out in the world on a daily basis and also potentially change millions of lives for the better. Knowing that I am so close to making this happen that the Creative Director from VICE would show even the tiniest bit of interest in my work helped me sharpen my focus and put this all into perspective. To be clear, I’m flying to London for a two month trip in 11 days and at this moment, I’ll run out of money by the end of the month. I believe so strongly that it will all work out that I’m going anyway and will have no place of my own to come back to (unless you count my car).

People that take risks like I am about to take are the ones that win. One of the best parts about this is that my idea is truly unique and no one has attempted it… at least I believe it is. That said, if you know someone else who is trying to start a Street Art/History Joke travel show hosted by an alien fictional character made of clay who wears an MF DOOM ring as a mask and is intent on saving the world via art, please send them my way. They’re likely my soul mate. It has taken me forty years to focus in on the thing I believe will help me make my best mark on the world and I couldn’t be happier to realize that I’m already this far along my path. As I write this, the hairs on my arms started reaching for the ceiling. This is it. I finally found my thing and it is as weird and awesome as I am… now I just need to focus my energies on communicating my idea with the masses.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     2 Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.      Finish collaging purple coaster set.

7.       Study 4Culture site and other grant options

8.      Watch too many Patreon videos so I can learn how to make mine better

9.      Work on Lisbon post.

10.    Go to Art Walk and talk to at least two people.

SONG OF THE DAY

Madvillain – “Accordion” 2004   It is time for me to reach out to DOOM’s team again to check in about continuing to use his likeness. If he’d like me to stop, @TheRingOfDOOM may transform into something else once he drinks the water in Bristol. If DOOM and his team want to be part of the story, we all win.

Day 34 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 34

Last night when I got home from working the last day of Bumbershoot at 3am I drafted what would be today’s blog if it wasn’t so viciously honest. Instead I will summarize the 760 word passion filled rant by saying that the people in my work history who know they’re not following Spiderman’s uncle’s advice are visibly shook when they see me. The ones who are genuinely good people who just happen to work for the corporation had nice things to say and I think they're awesome. My greatest discovery since I double backflipped off the corporate ladder into credit card poverty is that when you work for well-intended leaders who are truly good at what they do, they’ll literally starve if you don’t have what you need to do your job well…  in addition to paying a livable wage and providing you with ample tools to reach your infinite potential.

SZA's image in the fountain at Seattle Center.

Thankfully, the fact that I was working at the festival helped me to rise above my social anxiety and meet some people I’ve been too intimidated by to speak to. I got to spend time with an artist I’ve been inspired by yesterday because I simply said hi and told him how much I admired his work. The half an hour or so we spent walking around the festival woke me the fuck up and I realized that I’ve been neglecting my superpowers. As always seems to be the case, the universe brings people into my life when I need them the most… and I needed to speak with a lot of people to feel the way I do today. Spending so much time in solitude over the last year and a half was exactly what I needed at the time but some of the people I met this weekend reminded me that I have already proven my ability to change people’s lives for the better in a 10 minute conversation or less because I see only their infinite potential. This is why I must wield my superpower on a global level and pursue this trip to Europe as if it is my only option for survival.

Terrible image of the amazing SZA onstage at Bumbershoot. 

On that note, I have seven sold eBay items to ship out today if the post office is actually open for the holiday (Google isn’t sure). I am releasing sixteen of my favorite DVDs so that I can ensure my own life will be movie-worthy. Unfortunately, most of the items I own are only important to me and don’t have much value in a seller’s market so the money I’m earning is not adding up to much. I now have TWO WEEKS until I leave for Europe and still lack the fundage to even pay for my monthly bills because I’m so optimistic that this will work out, I’ve mostly abandoned hourly wages. I have accepted four shifts for a catering company next week purely for the money; it will add up to very little but every dollar counts (as I write this I’m remembering that if I think hourly, I’ll get hourly; if I think large chunk of money, I’ll get a large chunk of money… shit, LOL).

Sadly, @TheRingOfDOOM has not been photographed in more than a week and The Vulcan Of Amazonia project has been procrastinated for over a month. I do have some footage of he and Eddie’s cardboard box apartment under Bezos’ Balls but I realized that I’ve likely been neglecting it because my whole schtick is to shine light on the good things. It could not be more important to raise awareness about the damage Amazon and Vulcan have done to the city but it hurts my heart to spend my time seeking out and highlighting the effects of villainous capitalists; they get enough press (because they own it). I have more than a few photos to make of the best parts of Seattle before I leave and it is a beautiful day outside (and inside).

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Post On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.    Prep and attempt to mail eBay items.

7.    Brainstorm new Patreon video

8.    Take at least one photo of @TheRingOfDOOM with some Seattle Street Art

9.    Collage clean up session

SONG OF THE DAY

Tom Petty – “You Got Lucky” 1982   Following the trail of the happiest people in the music industry has repeatedly united me with the video team. My last day as a Runner when I met the blissed out traveling videographer of a famous rapper, my shifts with the documentary team at the Tom Petty show last summer, and working with the LiveXLive team this weekend has been a triple message from the universe that I have loved the combination of music and video since I first as exposed to MTV (in it’s actual music video era) as a child. This Tom Petty music video was the impetus of my long-running themed music video list addiction. While watching these visuals, I realized how many music videos I’d seen that take place in the desert; this led to hundreds of music video lists on my old Blogger site grouped together by random thing instead of genre. The thousands of videos I posted on my website were my foot in the door of the music industry that got lucky when I found it. My goal continues to be to create a path around the mainstream corporate vultures for truly talented, socially aware artists that make music I love listening to. Upon further reflection, I’ll say that it is the musicians/artists that got lucky when I found them; the music industry’s luck is running out.

Day 30 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 30

The days that I go to my storage unit usually feel like a big waste of time. It can be tricky to get down to business and just put stuff on eBay when you’ve just been reunited with your long lost CD collection or music machine you thought was broken. The question that keeps making me actually list the items is, “if I end up finding a way to stay in Europe for a year or so via Patreon (or however it works out), will I be glad I’ve got this CD in a box across the world?” Or ”in what situation would I actually ever use this”  (works great for old CDs). Some of the CDs I actually kept because (the opposite of delusional optimism) after the apocalypse, streaming music services may be dead but we can rig up bicycles or rivers to make energy to power CD players. I actually pictured myself smiling next to a fire listening to a Jenny Lewis CD in a post-apocalyptic setting yesterday, so I’m keeping that one (among many others).

Taking these Pez dispensers and paper cutout Of Gandalf to Europe to use as props in @TheRingOfDOOM’s movie about returning the ring to MF DOOM cuz if I don't do it, no one else will.

 Yesterday I mailed my first order of this round to someone I realized I already knew. I love that it’s not surprising to me that I would know someone who would buy 90s rap cassettes on the internet. I seem to have used up my free auction listings so I started listing CDs at a Buy It Now price to see if they moved faster. I sold Kanye’s College Dropout for $2.99 just a few hours after it was listed and will be mailing that off today. I am raising some money slowly but I’m thinking pennies so that’s what I’m getting. When you start using the apps that pay you two cents for watching 20 minutes of videos, you know you’re on the wrong track. Most of us wouldn’t even take two seconds to bend over and pick up a penny but I still made $1 on Swagbucks yesterday without really trying. Upon further reflection, since most of the things I sell on eBay will likely only sell for a few dollars (if at all), it is a much better use of my time to see if the bookstores, music stores, and clothing stores want to buy my items, get rid of the rest, and get back to making art. I haven’t made any new art in over a week because I’ve been so focused on raising money a few dollars at a time. This is how poor people stay poor. My time would have been much better spent marching around Seattle’s artsiest areas with my creations asking galleries if I could put one of my pieces in the next Art Walk (way too late on that one but may still try). Yesterday’s efforts (including my one eBay sale) totaled $74 AND I relieved myself of three boxes of books I’ll never have to carry again.

All that said, since I have yet to sell any art (because I haven’t really showed it to any one), the best way for me to make money right now is to work. So I said yes to the random job offer that floated my way yesterday via email. While I resisted working Bumbershoot at first because I vowed to never help make the evil corporate music empire look good again, I said yes to the offer yesterday to be a PA for the team doing the video at Bumbershoot. Since I’m being paid by someone who is being paid by AEG, I’ve justified it morally but the truth is that I’d be in a way better situation financially if I wasn’t so romantic about how I make my money. It is important how we make our money and I have chosen to vote with my dollar AND my labor against corporations (steps off podium). That said, I’m sure I will have a fabulous time and learn a lot. I love that I get to learn from a professional video team again in the weeks before I head to Europe to make movies on my iPhone. The only other time I’ve worked for the video team at an event was when I was randomly offered to work the Tom Petty Show last summer a few days before taking @TheRingOfDOOM on a credit card funded video tour of the US (one of my duties that day was to stand next to someone in case they needed something while filming Tom Petty in the hallway/blessed). Still amazed by the people that pop into my life and when they choose to appear. Shoutout to a former boss lady for the recommendation.

Ultimately, it will be great to see the hundreds of people I expect to see again at Bumbershoot this weekend and the paycheck will take some pressure off. I always have fun working festivals and love to see how many miles I walk throughout the weekend. Sometimes I forget how good I am at this sort of work and how flattered I used to be when asked to work alongside my heroes. It still hurts sometimes when I see the show calendar of people I won’t be working with but then I remember that the best people will hire me directly if it was meant to be. Nothing felt better than being hired directly by Tyler, The Creator’s team at Sasquatch and those are the jobs I love to say yes to. All inner turmoil about morality aside, my favorite memory from the last time I worked Bumbershoot was when El-P did a double take when he saw my Quasimoto shirt (it’s the little things, still never met him even though we have mutual friends).

A few of the too many imperfect belt buckles I’ve made.

 The only goal I did NOT complete yesterday was working on setting up my Patreon, likely the one thing that will help me the most. I have been studying the art of Patreon and believe I have come up with some great rewards people may actually want. The video portion, as expected, is the part I’m slacking on the most. As of now my rewards are looking to be…

$1  - Access to photo feed of images not on Instagram

$5  - Access to vlog (I’ll be seeing too many beautiful things to not do it)

$10- Included in the polls about photos to be printed, destinations, zine themes etc

$25- Collaged Postcard mailed from wherever I am at that time

$50- 6 photo prints mailed

$250- Original handmade collage photo zine mailed

$500- Local snack pack of 12 items – one of a kind analog collage

$1000- photo book of city/theme of your choice

$5000- large framed collage shipped to you

The higher priced tiers would include all the items of the lower tiers. I love this idea of a collaged postcard so much and would really love to get something like this from a traveling artist. When I market it in the right way to the right people, it will work. Any feedback on this is welcomed! I thrive in situations where people are expecting things from me and would genuinely love to be a working artist traveling in Europe. And so it will be…

My daily blogs will be shorter and my goals will be limited for the next three days while I work the festival but they’ll probably include some great photos and interesting stories. Then on Monday, I'll get to mail off whatever has sold from this round of eBay sales. 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to Sonic Boom, Buffalo Exchange to relieve myself of more stuff I don’t need.

7.      Email two favorite Seattle gallery owners about showing them my work for feedback and to Museum Crash with TheRingOfDOOM

8.     Find out if I can pro-rate my last month in my studio so I can pay less if possible.

9.     Tidy up studio so I can move around well again.

10.    Make some art dammit!

SONG OF THE DAY

Gerry Rafferty – “Right Down The Line” 1978  I’m having a revival with this song after doing the final edit on my Adult Contemporary playlist. I see the ideal scenario for playing this song is with the windows down in the desert (this may have actually happened). Haven’t listened to this song enough yet to notice what it’s about, I’m usually too busy swaying my head and holding my heart.

Day 27 Of Delusional Optimist’s Guide To Achieving The I’mPossible

Day 27

Waking up knowing it’s time to prep to leave the country feels good. I know there is a lot of work to do but I love that stuff. Every time I go through the many items in my storage unit, I look at it through new eyes. Like most of us, I have tons of stuff just sitting in boxes in storage because I like them just enough to keep them. For me this is mostly media; aside from kitchen stuff, the bulk of my belongings are boxes of CDs, DVDs, books, and magazines. Previously, I made a rule for myself that I must either use it or get rid of it. This is how I ended up starting to collage so it has been working out well. I do love my book collection but I’ve already read all those books. They make me smile when I look at them but when everything goes as planned, I will not have a bookshelf in the US to put my books on. When you move as often as I have, it really makes you question why you’re keeping all this stuff. I still need a few more days to consider letting go of my CDs even though those have been boxed up since before I moved most of my belongings to a storage unit. The books and CDs remain in my storage unit for now but I have started to put cassettes and DVDs up for sale. I’ll be bringing them somewhere local to try and sell them if eBay doesn’t work. If you're interested in seeing what I have for sale, HERE's the link to my shop.

I'm selling a 5x7 canvas print of @TheRingOfDOOM's first photo on eBay. I've posted over 700 photos since this was taken. 

Speaking of moving, I’m the type of person that only owns items that fit inside my Subaru that I can carry myself. I did this on purpose so I could move from place to place without the assistance of others. This is a metaphor for my whole life which is why my plans for the next few weeks are so scary. I’m hoping to sell some of my large pieces of art to help fund my Europe trip but I also have plans to start a Patreon. I’ve been researching what works and what doesn’t and I think I have some ideas on how to make it work for me. It’ll be an interesting process throughout which I will learn a lot about myself, but I will get that going in a few more days.

It’s looking like I’ll be moving out of my studio in the days before I leave for Europe so I don’t have to pay for it while I’m gone. If I do that AND release my car, I’ll be in a much better position to not only pay for my trip to Europe but to potentially stay for longer. The more things I let go, the freer I feel.

R&B cassingle six pack for sale on eBay.

Yesterday, I completed 7 ninety minute work blocks. I did not go for a walk because I felt inclined to just keep going. Three of the blocks were spent listing items for sale on eBay, two on website/Instagram, half a work block on sanding resin collages, and the rest on Spotify. I quickly learned that grinding epoxy resin down isn’t something I’m yet able to do for 90 minutes in a row. Right now it’s basically sawing at resin with a metal file for long periods of time. Here’s hoping that by the time I get buff enough to do that for 90 minutes straight, that I’ll have already finished cleaning up all my collages. The tape method I learned from Reddit will save me too many hours to count. I’d like to polish up my big collages before I bring them somewhere for evaluation so I won’t be heading into town until that is completed.

Since I turned off the Instagram notifications and deleted the Facebook app from my phone a few weeks back, I’ve been better at using my time wisely. Now that I have items for sale on eBay, it’s hard to stop myself from looking at what is selling. Out of the 40 items I have listed, two have bids so far. If they don’t cancel their bids, I will have made $6 so I’m totally crushing it.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     At least two work blocks of listing items for sale on Ebay

7.     Collage clean up session x 2

8.     Block of Lisbon travel write-up

9.     New collage work block on ugly striped canvas

SONG OF THE DAY

Everything Is Recorded, Sampha, Ibeyi, Wiki, Kamasi Washington – “Mountains Of Gold” 2017  This combo of artists amazes me.

Day 15 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 15

After 14 days of writing about and working towards making my biggest dreams a reality, I have completed 79 ninety minute work blocks. That works out to 118.5 hours and almost eight and a half hours every day. Sure would be nice if I got paid for those hours but that is sadly not the world I have created for myself yet. Yesterday served as the get real portion of the blog (and my year); in addition to enrolling in a debt relief program, I also applied for 10-12 jobs. I now have two phone interviews lined up for today and one in person interview tomorrow. One of these jobs perfectly aligns with my long term goals and the rest would help me to fund my journey to achieving my goals. It will be interesting to see how that works out… stay tuned.

 @TheRingOfDOOM Collage For Sale In My Shop

The reality of attempting a trip to Europe without credit cards has slapped me upside the head. Now that I’ve set myself on a course to be out of debt in 18 months, I’m feeling more inspired to spend the next year and a half building a strong foundation of self-sufficiency instead of photographing Europe from a metaphorical broken ladder hoping it works out. I have one remaining credit card issued by a credit union that I plan on using to buy food and finish planting the seeds I’ve already sprouted. For example, I’ve already purchased 20 black organic cotton reusable bags ready for printing whatever design I eventually settle on. I also plan on getting some stickers made for @TheRingOfDOOM because my Mom said she wanted to put one on her car. I’ve been wanting to print out some of my Street Art zines and leave them around the city for others to find but I should probably pay my bills first. Even though I haven’t brought any money in for over a month now (yikes), it feels good to know that I’m not multiplying my debt today for the first time in 3-4 years.

In yesterday’s four completed work blocks (I didn’t count applying for jobs or my long conversation with the debt specialist), I finalized two posts for my website, added more items to my webstore, and spent 90 minutes working on my resin art. I failed on both drinking enough water and Instagram posts; today is another day. I’ll be sending my August playlist out into the universe today, pouring resin, and also hopefully finalizing a Best Of Museum Crashing post for @TheRingOfDOOM to be released shortly. I’ll also send my Adult Swim series proposal on its way without the pilot because I have to at least try. I already have a twelve episode series I can send them, this pilot could be so much better if I could pay my talented Seattle friends to do their magic on it. My plan was to bring my cardboard box full of props to the foot of Bezos’ balls for filming but I’m scared of 147 things that probably won’t happen.  

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Send series proposal to Adult Swim as is with links to work I’ve already completed.

7.     Pour resin on current projects and work on sunset piece.

8.     Have two successful phone job interviews in one day.

SONG OF THE DAY

The The – “This Is The Day” 1983   Every single time I hear this song, I get all explodey inside knowing that it could become true if I finally just go for it... but I'm still mostly just writing about finding the courage to just go for it. I was blessed to work at Tower Records in the years following the release of Empire Records, most of us felt this was pretty damn close to our reality. There are so many days of my music career that seemed like Rex Manning Day.

DID YOU KNOW

Did you know that the first large collage I made back in 2012 is 30”x38” is made from thousands of tiny pieces of paper on a piece of a broken IKEA shelf? This was where I first came up with the idea to use handcut photos of water to make large bodies of water etc. The sand is made of photos of sand, the tree trunks are made of wood photos, and the mountains are made of photos of snowy mountains. I do not like the end result of the piece and have treated it like shit over the last few years but I love that I experimented with so many unique collage styles while making it. While making this I was working full time at Whole Foods and was posting daily on the music blog that would soon change my life in the best way.