Day 7 Of The Long Game: Imagimanian Adventures

I remain more delusionally optimistic than ever even though I changed the name of my blog to The Long Game. The delusional is still attached to optimistic because I’ve been attempting to become successful at too many things at once and still have a long way to go to profitability with all of them (or I’m just one click away). Since my work experience over the last eight years has been in the multi-tasking gig economy, it’s hard to feel like there are other options besides option Z (all of the above). My new favorite metaphor is that I'm attempting to dig my way out of debt and build a foundation for my metaphorical sand home with a plastic Doordash/Postmates spork but the tides of my own emotions keep ruining my progress.

8.75”x17” on paper

My life can now be split into two halves… much like Earth itself. Earth has BC and AD or BCE and CE; (Before Common Era and Common Era for those who do not wish to include organized religion in their history) I now have BF and AF, Before Fairfax and After Fairfax. There, I’ve officially used my UW History Degree for something; hair toss. The rest of the world has BC and AC… Before Coronavirus and After Coronavirus. I’m guessing there are many of us who struggled with their mental health throughout the force that must not be named but most of us are choosing not to talk about it. Instead, many are losing their battles with mental illness via suicide and overdosing on whatever vices they may have. The stigma for asking for help is so strong that people who bravely ask for help making their dreams come true are demonized and Go Fund Me campaigns for memorial services have instead become the norm. 

8.5”x17” on paper

Before Fairfax (a mental health facility I stayed at circa May 2020), I had what some call a spiritual awakening and what others call a psychotic break due to staying up for over three days in a row fueled on pint glasses of coffee with too much honey and an eighth of a strain of weed called Jesus OG. I am blessed to have written my way through most of the Imagimania but most of it is in the form of stream of consciousness and doesn’t make much sense. I hope it becomes the notes for my autobiography but it is up to me solely if I see that project through. It has officially been added to my life’s creative To Do list alongside the thousands of other ideas rolling around in my now (hopefully temporarily) medicated brain. I’m guessing the reptilian conspiracy theories about Earth are due to the side effect of skin dryness that accompanies bipolar medication. It was actually one of the most fun experiences I’ve had “alone” in my apartment (and later my car) because I was feeling like all the musicians I’ve ever admired and/or wrote about/promoted/worked with were by my side helping me to write my Imagimania book and teach me new skills. In the recent past my Imagimania tried to guide me to LA to play Method Man and Mary J Blige’s “You’re All I Need To Get By” (the remix of course) on a 2020 style boombox (iphone) outside of my biggest crush’s house like in Say Anything. I made it to Lake Tahoe where I was made to go to a hospital and get back on meds. Aside from the four day hospital visit, it was a truly epic adventure in which I felt like I was making an iPhone movie with David Lynch, Rashida Jones, and Jason Goldwatch (among many others). Thankfully, I did not end up at his house even though I will always wonder what would have happened if I did. Side note, if I had enough money to afford this mini-vacation, I would not have ended up in a hospital. Thank you again to one of my oldest friends for helping me through my epic Imagimanian adventure financially. 

11”x11” on paper

At this moment, I wholly believe that my “psychosis” was due to the fact that I’ve been in debt for so long and it makes me depressed to dig my way out of it with my metaphorical plastic spork. I’ve not been diagnosed with anything officially but after researching Olanzapine, I’ve discovered the two psychiatrists who I’ve talked to less than 8 minutes total are leaning toward bipolar. I believe that I get very happy when I’m doing awesome stuff and depressed when I must return home to my 164 square foot apartment without a kitchen (before this I was squatting in my art studio). I know I’m luckier than most and have seen 3 of my former Fairfaxian roommates wandering the streets muttering to themselves looking homeless in the last couple months; the system is truly broken. The PTSD of my own traumas (recent and distant past) has affected me more than I originally thought but I’m grateful to finally have weekly therapy appointments like we all should these days. Shout out to Medicaid for that! That said, all the men that are contributors to my PTSD still walk the streets of Seattle, their reputations untarnished awaiting their karmic returns.

11”x11” on paper

My social media is 1000% a highlight reel. The bulk of my life over the last few years is spent paying for my financially irresponsible photography trips and gluing tiny pieces of paper in my tiny apartment. That said, if I’d not gone on these trips I would not have received a grant to create a book of Seattle Street Art Photography so I know it was worth it. Once I’ve completed a photography book, I’ll have the skills to make more books in cities all over the planet and the places I’ve created in my imagination via collage. Since we’re not allowed to travel overseas now, I’m especially grateful that I quit my pizza delivery job and bought a last minute plane ticket back in October 2019. It’s the camera roll that keeps on giving with over 20,000 photos/videos so far. It’s so much easier to wander other cities and blissfully take photographs because my own city feels like struggle and PTSD central. 

11”x11” on paper

On the plus side, I’ve made a bunch of great art since I last blogged and even sold two of my 3D resin collages that I made when I was squatting in my art studio (total circa $500 less eBay fees). While this did help immensely, making art all day still feels irresponsible when one is attempting to be a financially stable adult. In an ideal universe, I’d have an art manager to help me with the money and promotion parts but I have yet to write the correct email sent to the right person to get that going… instead I’m medicated and alone in an apartment so small that it is no longer legal to build them; partially paralyzed by the stigma of my own reality. I’ve finally renamed it The Den Of Healing and Infinite Potential (it was previously The Den Of Mental Illness) in hopes to manifest a more positive reality. In spite of all this, I’m actually in great spirits and recognize that I’m closer than ever before to a sustainable art career because I finally asked for help. I’ve abandoned all my vices again aside from sugar so I’m weed free for almost a month now. Alcohol isn’t one of my vices these days but I did drink champagne once when I felt the need for a head change (end result… stomach ache); now when I have the urge to drink I have a Pedialyte mocktail. Thankfully, I do not have any vices that could kill me or I’d surely be dead already.

The biggest MFDALÍ yet at 28”x16” … on thrifted wood panel

I’m delivering Doordash and Postmates to make a living which is a more extreme version of living paycheck to paycheck. I know that it is my art that will help me level up in life and graduate to a new income bracket so I continue to work on my collage art, stop motion animations, interviews, and writing whenever I feel so inspired. Resin projects are tricky in this space but it seems buyers prefer to buy ready to hang pieces; this could also be because I’ve not made commercials at the ocean for any of my paper collages or even said yes when asked if they were for sale. I’m still leaning toward keeping the MF DALÍ collages together for a show at the Florida Dalí Museum when I release the stop motion animation series and concept album. I know I dream extremely big but what are delusions of grandeur for someone who has had Ariana Grande and Mac Miller in the backseat of their car? I can’t wait to see what I make happen next… MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU ALL.

SONG OF THE DAY

Shabazz Palaces “Bad Bitch Walking”

Day 6 Of The Long Game... Moving Into The Light

When I started my first website back in 2009 titled MyDefinitionOfCOOL, I had been a follower for so long that I had yet to discover who I really was. It was important to me at that time to define what I thought was cool because I had never trusted my own taste. If I’d have told that sad married lady that I’d have worked with half of the artists on the site in the decade to follow, I’d never have believed it. In 2012, I graduated from UW with a History degree and reclaimed myself as a Rowe… best moves ever. Circa 2016 I dreamed up the next phase but wasn’t ready to pull the metaphorical trigger on League Of Super Producers until now. It has been the name of my unlucrative-as-yet LLC for a few years but I’ve just fully evolved into LOSP mode with a line of TheRingOfDOOM Has A Posse tote bags (in my shop now). Now that I finally trust and love me more than anyone else, it’s time to take everything to the next level.

I have yet to create official logos for the multi-media roster that is League Of Super Producers but I have unofficially signed myself, TheRingOfDOOM, and my collage character Perstephony to my empire and am ready to keep moving toward my infinite multi-dimensional potential. On my best days I recognize that I am great at interviewing actual humans and that I should continue with the series I started in late 2019. I obviously lean toward projects I can do solo which is why I’ve become they type of artist who glues thousands of tiny pieces of paper alone in her apartment. Integrating humans into my life should be easier now that I’ve received some much overdue assistance with my mental health and that the force that must not be named is releasing its grasp on humanity.

MF DALÍ #46 … I tried to not overthink this one but overthinking is my shit.

The MF DALÍ project is still my main focus and I’ve been gathering the dream stories I’ve already written, creating new stories, and cutting up more Dalí images as I feel inspired. Yesterday I posted my longest one so far, SkyPuppy and the LongArm Twins, and I am looking forward to seeing what else I do with all this ambition. I’m still impressed with myself that I’ve run with this idea all the way to Spain and recognize that I MUST continue to assemble it into book form. I’ve only made 46 collages for the collection so far and am down to the images I’ve deemed too beautiful to cut and those consisting of colors that do not inspire me. Gonna keep cutting and pasting till there’s nothing left of my twelve Dalí books. I’ve been amazed to see how my collaging has leveled up after visiting the grave of the artist himself. Since I keep knocking on the virtual door of the Florida Dalí Museum in hopes I’ll be able to showcase my collages in their special collection room someday, I MUST keep stepping my game up and thinking bigger. 

I’ve finally figured out that my style of collage is to turn almost everything into a landscape and am ready to run with it. Seeking out beautiful landscapes in real life is one of my happy places so it makes a lot of sense. My attempts at abstract collage have not impressed me but I’ll never stop trying to unlearn the methods I’ve taught myself and challenging me to try new things. My belief in myself comes in waves and I have realized that the one thing I fear the most is success. Once I’ve worked all my dreams into fruition, my life will be so much bigger that there will be nowhere for me to hide and relax. I’ll no longer be able to lay in my second cheapest IKEA couch bed thinking about how big my life will be someday. At the moment, I’m grateful for these moments of peace and media consumption that inspire me to take the next steps but I know I can make millions of people smile if I push through further into the light. It’s time yet again to quote the Mr. Kenny Beats who has a neon sign in his studio that says “Don’t Over Think Shit” and keep on swimming.

Thank you once again to the humans putting their bodies on the front line of the wave that has changed the tides of this planet to Good! I’d have never been inspired to create a website in the first place without the art of Black humans. I love you!

Song Of The Day

David Sabastian - “The Light” … Metaphorical hats off to all the artists using their craft to spread positive messages across our healing planet. Question everything.

Day 5 Of The Long Game... Moving Through The Darkness Into Light

After five months of drafts, I've finally decided not to attempt to summarize the extreme ups and downs of my life these last 5-6 months and tell you what I’m doing now. Thanks to Mr. Kenny Beats for reminding me not to overthink shit… anymore. I will say that two months of solitary confinement in my 164 square foot micro studio full of art supplies after six weeks of one of the most magical rap tours of my life led to me finally asking for help getting the much needed mental health care I deserve. I’d surely be dead if I was a dabbler in vices that could kill me. I’m grateful for my family and friends that have helped bring me into My Own Light and keep my un-caffeinated head somewhere in the orbit of the rest of my body. 2020 went nothing like I had planned but the first two and a half months were pure magic. Thanks to Dessa, Sa-Roc, Sol Messiah, Rapsody, Monakr, Khrysis, Face, Heather Victoria, Becky, and the Rhymesayers family for sharing their light with me! I even had my first solo art show in January in a coffee shop in Redmond, Washington.

I remain in love with me and all of my creative pursuits and recognize that if I don’t move forward full heart ahead, I’ll never reach even the lowest peaks of my infinite potential. So today… I blog.

Made with two images of Salvador Dalí’s “The Pearl”

Over the last week, I’ve completed four collages for the MF DALÍ collection and cooked/chopped some delicious food for myself… a remarkable feat for someone without a real kitchen. I remain so grateful for all that I have that I sometimes wonder how I could possibly need anything else… then I remember the joy of a rap tour, the satisfaction of sharing my creative pursuits with others, and that dating someone awesome could be lovely. It is the art of black people that has kept me afloat these 41 years and I know that my role will continue to be shining light on the creative humans that have provided me with so much joy. We all have roles to play in the new era of Earth and mine requires me to share the art of myself and others every single day. We’re not all built for the front lines of this battle but every role is important. I remain grateful for the humans that have been the physical tide of change this planet needed. It’s not over yet but the world is waking up which is the first step in healing. The revolution will be beautiful. 

Made with five images of Salvador Dalí’s portrait of Luis Buñuel.

TheRingOfDOOM did not physically survive the rap tour but he has many former (and future) bodies with which he can continue his Earth mission. The designated TROD pocket of my cargo pants isn’t the safest mode of travel and I ended up losing one of his feet when he broke last. It is possible that I may still find it but I have no shortage of photos of his adventures to tie us all over until he is whole again… likely later today.

Made with two images of Salvador Dalí’s “Unsatisfied Desires”

I’d love to detail my many plans for the close and distant future but we already know that a goal is just a wish if we do not take action. It’s infinitely more powerful to show what we have done already. I am actively working on creating paid opportunities in LA and NY… tell your friends. It’s time to level up.

Made with two images of Dalí’s painting of Cadaques, Spain and bonus Liz water

SONG OF THE DAY

Joey Bada$$ x Capital STEEZ - “Survival Tactics” 2012 Shoutout to Mr. Joey Bada$$ for showing us that asking for help is a good thing. We love you Joey!

Day 4 of The Long Game... Moving Out

Even though I’ve officially retitled my blog as The Long Game, I remain as delusionally optimistic as ever. The Long Game of working soul-less hourly jobs to pay for a tiny box to live in and keep unnecessary objects feels like poison these days now that I’ve had a taste of a more fulfilling life. I’ve already rented a storage unit and started moving my belongings to their new padlocked home. I am leaving for my next adventure with my travel buddy on New Year’s Eve. Before I lock all my art away for the winter, I’ll be having an end of the year sale for a couple days in case anyone failed to get rad local art gifted to them this holiday season. I plan on making a video commercial for this sale as one of the many ways I’ll get over my phobia of appearing on video.

A few days ago, I was able to do my first TheRingOfDOOM wheatpaste at the Pike Place Market Art Wall with the assistance of a new friend… after finding out that this was 100% legal, I just HAD to do it. There’s so much potential with pasteup art, I seriously can’t wait to see what I do next. It was rad to learn how to create the art that has inspired me so much and to see it photographed by others. At some point I WILL get to create a collage that will be scanned, turned into giant sticker form, and permanently attached to the side of a huge building… tell your friends.

Another one of my favorite things that happened recently is that I left TheRingOfDOOM collage art at Pike Place Market and posted a short video about it on my Instagram story and TikTok. The Instagram story went mostly under the radar as usual but as I write this, the TikTok video of leaving my TheRingOfDOOM collage with him on garlic toast surfing through asparagus has already reached 28,300 pairs of eyes, has 4,775 likes, and has earned me 300+ followers. I realize that this is a very BS 2019 statement but it is another piece of proof that GaryVee knows exactly what he’s talking about. TikTok is NOT just for the children.

I’ve completed a couple MFDALI pieces in the last few weeks but I’ve been more focused on creating art that is fully mine. The first of which was a pink/purple 11”x17” analog collage made with my extensive collection of magazine cutouts. I even completed a time lapse video of the creation process and shared it on my IGTV and YouTube channel. I really love being able to look back on how I made something because it comes together in my mind like a predestined puzzle I’m assembling one piece at a time. The response for this collage was so great that I’ve already granted permission for a Seattle-based musician to use the image as album art and completed five more color based 11”x17” collages to make a set of six (pink/purple, green, orange, blue, red, and black/white). 

The inspiration for the color pool project came shortly after I completed an analog collage using multiple images of Raphael’s School Of Athens painting. After staring at the mild colors of classic art for so long, I wanted to drown in hot pink paper for a few hours. The School Of Athens collage time lapse video was the first time I used iPhone’s iMovie app’s voiceover feature and it was way easier than I thought it would be. The completed video can be found on my IGTV, YouTube, and below. 

Looking forward to sharing more details about my upcoming adventure when the time is right… stay tuned.

Day 3 of The Long Game... Progress

I’ve been focusing all my intentions over the last few years on discovering exactly what my thing was so that I could build the tools I’d need to run right towards it. Once I fully committed to my long-deliberated goals and started actually setting up my life for a lengthy adventure, I met one of the people that inspired me to be the light in my own life... and now we get to go on this adventure together. There are so many more synchronicities in play with our upcoming collaboration... I won’t go into them here but 2020 is looking to be the most excellent year of my life so far because I’ve exited my cocoon and have started to meet people that believe in me and my creations. Two art nights in and I’ve already set this epic journey into motion… I’m a little intimidated to go back tonight because life happens so fast when it’s not happening solely contained inside one’s own brain. 

Currently selling my latest creation on eBay at a very low price as an experiment… guessing I won’t get to look at it for much longer.

One of the best things about attending the art night (and recently on my #MFDALI trip) is that I discovered I’m able to make my collage art in the presence of others. It has always been a solo journey but now that I’m seeing the reactions of people when I start with 2-3 images and turn them into one right in front of them… I’m realizing more people would enjoy seeing my art in action. Tons of places have live painting or drawing events but live collaging could work too! There’s so many things to cut up and/or create with in this life, it feels irresponsible to do anything else with my days. My vision for TheRingOfDOOM and my own creativity is huge and will create opportunities for millions of people when I get it all together. 

I hope to inspire everyone I meet (or sees my content) to seek out what their own Plan A is. Most of us stop daydreaming when we reach some form of stability because we’re afraid to not have what everyone around us has but once you start releasing the bullshit, the rest starts falling into place. In order to gift myself the opportunity to create while traveling, I’m leaping into leaseless freedom again. I’ve been extremely grateful to have the time to get back to me (and conquer my debt) while in this 164 square foot apartment but I’ve allowed being rent poor to feel like a cage long enough. Even though this micro studio has felt huge at times (knee injury optimism), when my lease renewal arrived… I just couldn’t sign up for more time in this place. Since I moved in, I’ve had a list of cities I will be visiting soon on my wall as a reminder of why I’m alienating myself in this tiny apartment… I’m so close to the end of my debt relief program, I can already feel my foot on the gas pedal of my life and honestly, I’ve already left the metaphoric garage. 

I’ve decided to grant myself the opportunity to move forward with my big ideas and have already made great progress over the last week with my endeavors as a full time artist. I stopped timing my daily endeavors once I realized that the things in this life that will fulfill me the most (human interaction) may not be officially classified as art “work” and I’m grateful to have arrived at this realization yet again. Thanks to my experimentation with many productivity techniques, I’ve been finishing more things than usual on a daily basis and it feels awesome. This past Saturday, I even completed the #GaryVeeChallenge by creating well over 64 pieces of unique social media content in one day. I actually doubled it and completed closer to 128 because once you get going, it’s hard to stop (I lost official count at 100 but kept going for 3 more hours).

I’m currently making daily Wunderlists to track my water and food intake, art promo posts, and all the tiny things that must be done in a day if one is adulting their way to a career as a healthy full time artist. When this blog is posted, it will be my 19th completed task of the day. Most of the items on my list are easy like finishing a glass of water but I also already did laundry today and now that it’s over, it’s a win. In the past couple days, I’ve completed the first seven parts of my art timelapse video for my School Of Athens (Raphael painting) remix. I’ll likely be finishing the collage in part 8 and then I’ll be turning it into a longer form YouTube video and sharing the f*** out of it. I’ve posted the first 7 parts on TikTok already to my tiny audience of bots and have gotten a small but encouraging reaction.

Looking forward to sharing with you what I do next…

SONG OF THE DAY

Snoh Aalegra - “Peace” 2019 So much of this life is a mind game. Our perspective and gratitude has the power to transform every single day into beauty if we’ve found peace in our minds. I’m grateful to have found my own peace so I can save my own life from stagnancy and move forward.

Day 2 of The Long Game

Since I wrote last, many things in my life have changed… as they should when one is actively working toward creating their best life. The first big change is that I quit my pizza delivery job because the overwhelming negativity of some of my coworkers had made the job unbearable. Once I found the clarity that I have a choice of how to spend my days and that I was not trapped in the job, I made the easy decision to walk away. While there were definitely a few people there who encouraged me at every step in the building, the infinite potential of being surrounded by people who challenge me to think even bigger is truly mind-blowing and it’s worth it to me to take the time to seek out these people on a global scale. I’m still physically and mentally able and willing to work hourly jobs but since the goal is to work smarter, not harder… getting a new job that would serve only to keep me treading water in Seattle seems like a foolish move. Now that I know what I want to do, it physically and mentally hurts to do anything else. 

Mural by D*Face in London

The second big change is that instead of finding another job that will distract me from my art journey, I’m taking another shot at being a full time artist. So here we are at yet another deadline I’ve created for myself with the help of the universe. My current lease in Capitol Hill, Seattle is up at the end of the year and it feels like the perfect time to make a big change. The only thing I want to do for the next few years is to travel the globe making art and photographing the art of others and I know it is possible. Now that I’ve experienced the joy of taking one’s art on tour (music and otherwise) and sharing your art and light with the world, I’m completely addicted and I believe that it is the way I can best be of service to this planet. As I write this, I still have yet to earn any art money but I’m actively taking steps toward changing that every day.... My webstore is linked here if you’d like to see how that’s going.

A recently made #MFDALÍ diorama.

While I’m definitely aware that the opportunities I create and manifest for myself may end up looking very different than what I’ve imagined, I envision my 2020 living out of a suitcase making art every day in a beautiful place, following the trail of opportunities I’ve manifested. I realize this is only possible if I continue to work toward my goals daily and to press the eject button from my comfort zone. People have already been paid to do most of the things I hope to do (artist residencies, full time working artist, published Street Art Photographer, creator of graphic novel series +, creating and marketing a character, get paid to travel with my art, more stuff I haven’t thought of yet and/or are so big I won’t mention them yet) so I know everything is possible if I work hard every day, try new things, and continue to think bigger.

TheRingOfDOOM and an #MFDALÍ collage on Dalí’s grave in Museu Dalí in Figueres, Spain.

The third big change is that about a week after I quit this job, I assessed my finances and discovered that I could make the Europe trip happen that I’d attempted a little over a year before. Of course I should have stayed home and worked at creating reliable streams of income but I must follow my internal compass and reach for true happiness at every opportunity. A last minute ticket was purchased and I went to Figueres and Cadaques in Spain to photograph my #MFDALÍ art in the Dali museums. MF mission accomplished… working on developing this whirlwind experience into more digestable social media content as I write this. I also was able to take TheRingOfDOOM to Bristol for his long-awaited transformation. Instead of merely drinking the water of Bristol, both my fictional character and I were soaked through with Bristol rain multiple times during our stay. Neither of us will ever be the same and the trip was truly the transformation I was seeking. I spent the last chunk of my trip in the Shoreditch area of London which is most definitely one of my favorite places on the planet… so far.

Stik mural as seen in Shoreditch, London

My current system for maximizing the potential of every day is to have a stopwatch running every time I’m doing something that would be considered work if I was doing it for another. It makes a ton of sense to me to spend at least one month working 8 hours a day/40 hours a week (plus way more) at creating a sustainable art career for myself before giving up and getting another job (I do realize there are more options here). I’m on my third day of tracking my art hours and it’s going great so far. I’m wholeheartedly convinced that the ROI of investing this time in myself is infinite and that every minute I spend working on my art is worth it… even if it has yet to pay off financially, I know it will. If I work half as hard for myself as I do for others, my endeavors will have no choice but to succeed. I’m grateful that I’ve gifted myself the opportunity to reach for this goal.

My latest MFDALÍ collage.

As usual, I have A LOT more to say about all these things but it’s time to take action instead of overthinking and continuing to strategize. I’m currently actively working on creating a collaged set for a stop motion music video, a new sellable 12”x12” space collage, making timelapse videos of my art process, adding old art to my webstore to open doors to art money, creating new daily habits to maximize health, productivity, and happiness, plus creating a whole buffet of new content highlighting me and my art journey. Looking forward to seeing what I make happen next…

SONG OF THE DAY

Heart “Straight On” 1978 (the year I was born) Never underestimate the infinite power of a 41 year old woman who is actively wrangling her personal demons and turning them into art.

Day 1 of The Long Game... Still Optimistic, Much Less Delusional

Last year when I began my blog, The Delusional Optimist’s Guide To Achieving The I’mPossible, I felt the only quick way out of my five figure pit of debt was to make something truly epic happen. That remains true which is why I am still in debt a year later. Had I been at the top of my game, it may have been possible to simply swing from one adventure to the next and find money on the way but I was operating in survival mode and was unable to make the trip (or life) happen. Instead, when it came time to leave for my three month trip to Europe, I had only $50 and was a few weeks from developing pneumonia due to substituting coffee for food to save money (anxiety sandwich). Today I am still in five figure debt but since I started The Long Game of repayment last year, I’ve paid off almost $10K in combined credit card and car debt, happily live alone in a 164 square foot apartment, and recently purchased another ticket to London for May 2020.

Took this MF DALÍ collage for a walk.

It is true that squatting in my $300/month art studio for nine months had allowed me the perceived financial freedom to go on tours with rappers and follow my internal compass to NY and LA but ultimately, the extreme highs and lows of coming home from a rap tour to a place I wasn’t supposed to sleep was rough on my soul (that said, I would do it all again in an instant). On the plus side, my damaged soul helped me to step my art up immensely during the time I lived in the 100 square foot art studio. I will forever be grateful for the art journey but am well aware that I was unable to make the most of the opportunities I encountered while living there and I’m still in the process of letting that go.

Finally cut up this checkered floor I found in an 80’s photography magazine.

For the nine months I lived there, I didn’t really reach out to anyone to network new music opportunities and was making most of my money working a super part-time catering job because I wanted to be able to go on last minute tours when asked. ALL of my attempts to make money flipping stuff on eBay at this time were a fail because my tastes are so obscure that no one wanted the weird stuff I had acquired… example, the eight headed mink stole I recently threw away because I was afraid to open the bag and look at it after it had been in storage for a year. On the plus side, I did make some truly weird TheRingOfDOOM videos with Eddie The Eight Headed Mink Snake before I threw him out and even made $35 profit off of a box of human teeth I found at a Goodwill Outlet. Even though I was in dire straits financially, I still paid all my bills on time until the debt relief program advised me to do otherwise. My credit remains intact even though I was not.

Tried to make this MF DALÍ collage move with stop motion but technical difficulties halted me in my tracks.

 I had initially thought that the roots of my financial despair were my ridiculously expensive car, capitalism, and overextending myself so that I could live alone. In hindsight, I now know that the real roots of ALL my despair are that I had yet to tackle my own traumas. It is true that the initial cause of my childhood trauma is not my fault but neglecting to investigate how the shame affected my life for so long is on me. After only a year of extracting lessons and examining my own behavior under my overthinking microscope, I’m already infinitely better at standing up for myself, recognizing when I’m being disrespected, and walking away.

Having once miserably settled for a life that other people thought I should live, I’m unwilling to settle ever again. One of the most surprising things about working toward one’s goals is realizing how many people are threatened by the thought of you succeeding. When you aspire to go beyond what they’ve settled for, it makes them uncomfortable and it comes out in weird ways. I once had a guy tell me that my ambition is off-putting to men and that it was likely why I was single. This is laughable for so many reasons but mostly because it is true. I’ve yet to have a relationship in which my partner does not try to discourage me from my living my best life. Being single for the bulk of seven years has helped me to shed most of the layers of bullshit the weak men of my past have burdened me with and to actually have the clarity to discover what my best life is. Now that I know what I want to do with my life, I’m avoiding real human connection so I can focus on me for the first time… I will find a balance eventually.

My latest non MF DALÍ collage.

Now that I’ve found financial stability (still in debt but the end is in sight) and am emerging from survival mode, I believe that a delusional optimist makes a better story than it does a life and I’ve activated the patience required to accomplish something huge. I’m still happy that I documented my journey because I hope it can help others to tackle what is holding them back and move forward. Working in the music industry was one of the most rewarding experiences of my entire life and I do hope to work with musicians ‘til the end of my days but stepping away from the gig economy into the glamorous world of pizza delivery saved my life. Now instead of working 5-7 different part time gigs and coming up short every month, I’m able to make a living (and a savings account) at one job working less than 40 hours a week at a locally owned company that respects their employees. My work day consists of consuming art podcasts, audiobooks, and music in my own little mobile universe while driving around Seattle looking for more places to photograph. Working with younger people who do not yet feel trapped by the lives they’ve created for themselves is magical; they are not uncomfortable by the thought of me succeeding and encourage me every step of the way. I truly love seeing my stickers on their skateboards, water bottles, guitars, printers etc. It’s an ideal scenario in which I’d still be able to go on tour and have a job to come back to when the right offer presents itself. I could not be more grateful for this job and the opportunity to focus on my creative projects.

 Financial stability and health are step one; neither are a destination one can reach but if one never starts the journey, they’ll never even get close. Step two is now to maximize the potential of every day by utilizing my time as efficiently as possible. I’m not yet comfortable immortalizing my life goals on the internet because they are so lofty and I’m not yet working hard enough to make them happen. As many have shown us in the past, the quick route to success is usually unstable, short-lived, immoral, and undesirable. The most admirable and inspiring individuals have put in some serious time to master their crafts and are in a position to say no to money coming from unsavory people/organizations. This is why I couldn’t be happier to have put myself in the position to succeed the right way. The road to success and personal fulfillment is a long game but it’s the only game worth playing.

SONG OF THE DAY

Rapsody “Cleo” (Produced by 9th Wonder) The way these two remade a classic is inspiring to say the least. Eve is already one of my favorite albums of the year and I know Rapsody is just getting going. When an artist finds a way to give art that has already made it’s mark on the world a new life, the results can be truly magical. I know I’m not the only one that felt this song pierced their soul in the best way the first time they heard it. As I’ve mentioned before, the connection between Hip Hop and collage is alive and well. Both mediums of expression provide an alternate contemporary reality for the art it is based on and helps us to see the world in a new way. I’ve only just begun cutting up Salvador Dalí’s art and I’m already stockpiling images from other legendary artists to cut up next.

DISCLAIMER: Many of my favorite people also use the phrase “The Long Game” but since I’ve been using it for decades myself, I decided to run with it.

Day 72 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

As happens with life when one neglects to document events on a regular basis, so much has happened since I wrote last. Yesterday was my first physical therapy appointment after a meniscus injury that left me unable to walk for two and a half weeks. I’m happy to report that I’m almost walking normally again and that I’ll be returning back to my glamorous pizza delivery job tomorrow. This knee injury blessed me with the opportunity to clock out from my apartment manager job for the first time since October and help me to realize that even though it puts me in a good place financially, remaining on call 24/7 for part time wages is a total racket. There are infinite other ways to make money and I will seek them out while delivering the fuck out of delicious locally sourced pizza. As someone who has already declared that they’ll never again be a cog in another corporate machine again, working for the real estate industry was never going to last long.

This is the paragraph where I reveal my excuses for slacking the last few months…  I recently spent six weeks in the first relationship I’ve had since I got divorced seven years ago, procrastinated too much, lacked focus, and temporarily lost total hope of my creative endeavors (multiple times) so I have not completed as many of ninety minute work blocks as I hoped I would by July 10, 2019. I’m currently working through my 170th ninety minute work block of the year and have unearthed renewed motivation to barrel forth with this now likely impossible mission to complete 1111 ninety minute work blocks by the end of December 31. The plus side of falling behind is that every single work block gets me closer to the financial and creative freedom I’m working toward even if I don’t make it to my lofty goal.

Last night during a 90 minute block of internal/external organization, I came up with a plan to help me take action when I’m unsure of which creative endeavor to pursue at that moment. I wholeheartedly believe that all of my artistic pursuits are worthy (on most days anyway) and that if I move forward on them, I will feel like I’m making dramatic progress toward my goals and be even more inspired. I’ve split my work blocks into four different groups that I will (try) to take action on every day for the rest of the year. The categories are Analog Collage, Loud Daytime Art/Organization Projects, Photoshop/Computer Projects, and Writing Projects. If I wake up and already know which of my endeavors I want to work on, then I’ll jump into action but if I’m unsure of which project to move forward with, I can pull one of my ideas randomly out of its envelope and start on it immediately. If I feel like I don’t want to work on that project, it may be time to abandon it completely. Getting my Mary Poppins on and turning my daily routine into a game has already proven its efficiency at inspiring me to stay on task. Almost ALL of my big art ideas are in these envelopes so I’m looking forward to seeing which of my procrastinated projects I unearth next. I started this updated version of my life game just last night and already completed two collages and put in some work on a picture frame I’m collaging to look like it is made of wood.

Since the writing work blocks have been neglected the longest and have the potential take me directly where I want to go, I’ll be doing that block first thing after I chug a bunch of water, eat breakfast, do my physical therapy, get dressed, and take my vitamins. If I feel so inspired, I’m allowing myself the opportunity to do an analog collage block first thing instead because the goal is to start flexing my creative muscles first thing on a daily basis (writing or visual art). A few of the writing projects I’ll be drawing for are completing a blog post, updating my MusicVideoPedia bio, finalizing a music post, rewriting the About page on my website, rewriting another Aesop Fable so it is wholesome and inspiring, writing about one of my Alaska or Tahoeadventures, writing the story of a dream from an MF DALÍ project, artist interview research or action, work on TheRingOfDOOM series plan, complete a travel blog post, storyboard a TheRingOfDOOM episode featuring mini Galaxian game, and updating the home page on my website (and many more… hopefully soon on channel 444). I see no reason that my Netflix account should continue to be getting more action than my website; I’m not getting any younger.

The Loud Daytime Art/Organization projects include stuff like completing a resin pour, recycling/donating something from my storage unit, a ninety minute apartment organization/cleaning block, making a new clay character, new TheRingOfDOOM diorama, prepping more stickers to be mailed to magazines, fellow weirdos, and galleries, decorating my bathroom, painting something, going to put WD4D on my squeaky trunk, and repairing old art so it is show ready. It’s been a few months since I completed a resin pour so I’m looking forward to making more 3D collage weirdness; I’ll never get where Dustin Yellin is if I don’t glue! These louder projects prove most fruitful when attempted during daytime hours so I’ll be tackling these two before I go to my night job on a daily basis. The Analog Collage and Photoshop/Computer work blocks are much quieter so they’re more ideal for post-pizza shift endeavors.

Of the Photoshop/Computer blocks, I’m most excited to create more Spotify playlist images, update my website’s art gallery, complete a new MusicVideoPedia promo image, make new TheRingOfDOOM logo, continue to add videos to MusicVideoPedia, complete more Spotify work blocks, create an image for NON MusicVideoPedia, update my web shop, and to re-edit my Sun Ra video. When building an empire of weirdness, there is no finale to the computer work To Do list… every minute is worth it!

Of the four envelopes, the one most padded with ideas is the Analog Collage collection. The amount of unfinished but worthy collage projects I’ve left unfinished or are resolved to begin is uncomfortable and moving forward with them just may end up being what life is all about. A few of the collages I’m looking forward to completing are 30 minute landscapes, MF DALÍ images, bejeweled animal characters, aquarium collage, rap collage, random image file pull (examples… pink skies, outer space, blue, lips, water, mascara wands, chairs +++), creating a collage from one of many shelves of magazines/books, complete a tiny framed art piece, work on tiny 4 squared TheRingOfDOOM collage for Pike Place mini art show, more work on giant TheRingOfDOOM photocollage, covering round table top with green pieces to be resin sealed, collage made with one whole comic book, collage with Space Needle, and to start gluing images to my thrifted breadbox. Until I take action on my ideas, they’ll just be another item on an unfinished list… now is the time to just DOOM it dammit!

I’m looking forward to seeing how long this recent birthday will drive and focus my effort; it often has a similar inspiration push to that of New Years. As Douglas Adams (A Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy) revealed to us, the answer to the big life question is 42. Since I’ve just turned 41, this means I’m currently in my 42nd year on the planet which I’ve convinced myself must be the year in which I double down on my efforts to spend every single day working toward creating the life I want for myself. My 41 years on this planet so far have shown me that I will not be content to live a life laid out for me by tradition and that I must curate exactly the life I want to live or settle for a lifetime of suffering in the lower middle class.

SONG OF THE DAY

Loyle Carner feat. Kiko Bun + Rebel Kleff - “You Don’t Know” 2019… rappers with accents for the win; always.

Day 71 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Checking in with the world because I’ve made it to my second checkpoint in the game of artistic achievement I’ve created for myself. I’m writing this in the 46th ninety minute work block of the year (project started 2/13… second checkpoint was 44 work blocks). Since I’m still lacking the creative impulse for the most part, I’ve been focusing my energies on my MusicVideoPedia project. I wholeheartedly recognize that I’m likely the only one who appreciates this incredibly time consuming media project but that is why I’m doing it. I would be a fool (?) if I ignored my unique skill of recognizing if there are things like clowns, moving machinery, video games, zombies, etc. in music videos and I must utilize it in as many ways as possible because I could be the only one that notices these things. Currently, these ninety minute MusicVideoPedia work blocks consist of me extracting info from my old blogger site and consolidating it on my new website and my YouTube channel. Once I have the layout/index created, all I’ll have to do to maintain/build the encyclopedia is keep watching music videos and adding them to the playlists that will likely be under construction until the end of technology. I’ve just completed integrating the Split Screen Music Videos onto a YouTube playlist and will be sorting through Staircase videos next time I dig in.

When I started the project, I had eleven categories of work blocks but I’ve recently added another. I had left Video off of the list because some of my YouTube videos still have zero views. While I do understand that this will be a slow build and that my skills are still developing, zero views is a little disheartening… even though they were very poorly promoted. That said, I’ll never get better if I don’t keep going and since I’m still planning on prioritizing video on my 2020 European adventure, I must practice!

 At this time the scoreboard/tally sheet looks like this…

Website - 16

Collage - 0

@TheRingOfDOOM - 4

Instagram - 2

Interviews - 0

YouTube - 19

Spotify - 1

Resin - 0

Jewelry - 0

Organize - 3

Photoshop - 0

Video - 0

My daunting tentative plans for a @TheRingOfDOOM book series seem more easily attainable now that I’ve started a “Series Bible” (currently brainstorming new names) that will enable me to better sort and plan my ideas for the series. After a YouTube search, I found a great outline from a creator named Brittany Wang. In one work block, I was able to stamp a round of Intergalactic AirBNB stickers (to turn them into business cards of sorts) and spend an hour setting up the Series Bible with info about the characters, goals, back story etc. I’ve revealed hundreds of bits of information about his world via Instagram but reigning the project into a series of books will take feats of organization I am looking forward to mastering. I realize now more than ever that self-discipline and a detailed plan will get me everywhere. It is truly amazing what I can accomplish in ninety minutes if I focus on one thing. Even though the end goal is still a bit hazy, I know that if I keep working on and FINISHING stuff plus finding new ways to share them with you, all will be well in my world.

The thing that dulls my ambition the most is the knowledge that even if I create all the things in my imagination, I will be remain unfulfilled if I have no one to share it with and/or nothing to come back to. I must not be all work and no play. Whether it is true or not, I feel like I’m still digging myself out of a hole and that I have not yet reached the level in which it is time to help others again. So far, my addiction to helping people has proven to be self-destructive (financially) and I have not yet mastered the art of helping myself… still putting on my metaphorical mask. I’m on a well-paved but slowly winding road to financial security but I still have millions of miles to travel to get to where I want to be… but how will I know when I have arrived?

SONG OF THE DAY

Saint Etienne – “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”  1992 I love so many things about this song but I do believe that the government can also break one’s heart.

Day 70 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

A couple days ago, I started drafting what was to be my next blog post. I was in the middle of constructing a paragraph about how I was ashamed to admit that I was currently addicted to phone games when I realized that was not the paragraph I wanted to write. I visited an arcade with some coworkers a few weeks back and it unintentionally kicked off almost two weeks of complete and total time wasting via free game downloads on my phone. Seattle’s Snowpacalypse blessed me with almost a week of time in which my solo duties were to protect my building’s tenants from the snow with my trusty broom and to keep the place as clean as possible (the usual) so I had plenty of time to work on my empire… but instead I couldn’t stop matching virtual mahjong tiles.

TheRingOfDOOM with the Holy Grail and Holy Flatware

 When I was living in my art studio, I managed to stay motivated because I had turned my creative endeavors into a game. That game ended back in September (with 421 work blocks in nine months) and I was in dire need of reshaping my goals and finding inspiration, so I finally created MY new game for life a couple nights ago. Armed with my list of 2019 goals and the knowledge that creating in 90 minute work blocks works very well for me, I crafted my motivation for the year ahead with scissors, paper, thumbtacks, a Sharpie, and a postcard of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. The postcard of Michelangelo’s masterpiece is to remind me what one person can accomplish if they just keep working toward their goals. I’ve already discovered that I’m more productive when I’m gainfully employed so I’ll be more than doubling my creative efforts this year.

The main goal of my game is to complete 1,111 ninety minute work blocks by the end of 2019. This works out in such a way that if I complete four work blocks (six hours) a day, I could still create nothing for almost two months and still reach my goal. I plan on accomplishing this feat while still delivering pizza and managing this micro studio apartment building. I’ve already completed the first ten work blocks since I started my game in the wee hours of the morning on 2/13 and made it to my first checkpoint! My next checkpoint is at 44 work blocks; future checkpoints are at 111, 222, 333, 444, 555, 666, 777, 888, 999, and the final 1111. It’s funny how creating a checkpoint system to reach a lofty goal in the game of life can inspire me to take action; Mary Poppins had it right. The grand prize for completing this game I created for myself will be to be able to look back on what I’ve accomplished in 2019 with amazement. Even if I lose, I still win.

The 11 categories on my board are all activities that I truly enjoy that will enhance my own life and also help to build the empire of curated weirdness that I’m working toward. The categories are Collage, Website, TheRingOfDOOM, Instagram, Spotify, YouTube, Interviews, Photoshop, Resin, Jewelry, and Organizing (Digital or Analog). Throughout 2019, I’m hoping to finish (or build on) a bunch of projects that I’ve already started that fit into these categories. One of these projects is the music video encyclopedia that I started on my website back in 2009. Since I truly love sharing my favorite music with others but I prefer not to classify it by genre, I began curating posts of music videos that had something else in common… like whether or not the videos had desert scenes, special effects, cats, rappers behind fences, reptiles, blue lighting, turtlenecks, etc. This meant I could post old Tom Petty videos next to my new favorite underground rap videos and it would still make sense. It also means that I hold my acquaintance’s music to a higher standard as I’ll be placing it alongside music that has already been deemed classic.

On the new site, I’m sharing only three of my favorite examples from each category PLUS providing a link to a YouTube playlist that contains ALL the videos to be consumed on your SmartTV/laptop/phone/whatever you invent next. For example, the “A” page has lists of music videos featuring Abandoned Buildings, Adidas, Aircraft, All About The Dance Moves, Alter Egos, American Flags, Animals, Animated, and At The Water’s Edge. The B page has 20+ categories so far and I’m still just extracting the music I’ve left dormant on my old site. It often seems like a truly ridiculous endeavor that no one but myself will enjoy but the world stands to gain from this project way more than they would if I beat level 188 of Mahjong City Tours. The many hours I will spend creating this MusicVideoPedia will help shine light on thousands of musicians from all over the world if I promote it right or if it goes unnoticed it will merely add to the girth of my internet footprint. Stand by for more weirdness…

SONG OF THE DAY

James Blake - “I’ll Come To” 2019 My love for this new James Blake album is still blossoming…

Day 69 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Now that I am emerging from deep struggle mode, life’s possibilities are looking much brighter again. On the darkest of days, I forget that this is almost exactly how I hoped my passion for the music industry would play out. Yesterday I finally remembered that I intentionally wanted to learn as much about the industry as I could from the inside so that I could take that knowledge, go independent, and dismantle the gates blocking my favorite artists from getting the shine they deserve. The self doubt that withers my infinite potential at times can be dismantled by simply moving forward. It’s truly amazing what a good Hip Hop show can do to your brain (Clear Soul Forces, Def Dee, Specs Wizard, & Wizdumb at Vermillion). I won’t yet disclose the steps I plan to take down this road until they have already been stepped because as one of my wise mentors once said, “Be about it, don’t just taco bout it.” I would be doing the entire universe a disservice by not using the knowledge I’ve worked my ass off to acquire. I’m the most qualified person on the planet to take on this role and on my best days I can clearly see the path I’m laying out with every post, email, and conversation.

Failed attempt at a desolate skyscrape made with only Dalí’s clouds.

Since I’m not content to work/volunteer for any of the established music entities in Seattle any longer, I’m still hoping to fund my music ventures via my art somehow but I’ll play the long game on that one. It will be worth it to take the long route to fulfill my vision. Until then I will deliver the fuck out of delicious pizza while singing in the car to pay the bills. I am slowly chipping away at my MF DALÍ project but I’m losing steam because I can’t figure out how to make a desolate background with the Dalí images I currently have in my possession. Even the collaged sky I made with Dalí’s clouds looks way too extra for what I have in mind but I haven’t even tackled the clocks yet so I have a ways to go. I’d love to be able to push a button in my brain to initiate creativity but so would everyone. That said, it is amazing what can be accomplished if you just sit down and make something anyway. I did get a couple more stickers made featuring MF DALÍ art (and Ghostface Killah) and it is extremely rewarding to see them out in the world. I’ll likely put some sticker packs for sale soon but I still want more variety. Always wanting more…

My desire to travel has not been quenched and all of my plans to escape for day trips have been foiled by random apartment building shenanigans. I attempted to go to Portland to see the Sun Ra exhibit before it closed but a tenant lost their keys. I was bummed but instead I transferred the money I would have spent to my savings, car payments, and credit card. It has become apparent that I could likely satisfy my craving for adventure by interacting with other humans… truly the biggest adventure of them all. I could explore the entire planet and still be lonely at the rate I’m going but the wait will be worth it when I’ve surrounded myself with those who inspire me. @TheRingOfDOOM is cool and all but he’s a 3” alien fictional character and does not have the flexibility to hug.

Heading into a snowy evening of delivering pizza in Seattle. This should be a wacky adventure…

SONG OF THE DAY

Def Dee feat. Stas THEE Boss & OCnotes – “In The House” Currently overplaying this because this trio amazes me. They all crushed it but this is the best verse from Otis I’ve heard in a minute. The whole EP is fire.

Day 68 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

If you’ve been paying attention, you may have noticed that I haven’t written a blog post in a couple months. Shortly after I wrote my last entry, I found out I had pneumonia which was not that tight to say the least. I had just started a new job that required me to go back on my resolution to never work jobs just for the money again (plus living with family in a temporary situation) and my soul was in pain. I do not recall being that sick… ever. I was so out of commission that I didn’t even go to the Evidence show; if you know me well, you know how I feel about Evidence. I’m in a better place than I was a few months ago mentally and physically but I still have a long way to go to Achieve the I’mPossible. Still firmly stuck in my own way but I’m holding my metaphorical shovel as I write this and I’ve made great progress over the last few months.

Intergalactic AirBNB - 12”x12” Paper Collage and 3”x3” sticker

A few weeks after I was diagnosed with pneumonia, I got a job managing a micro studio apartment building that offered “free” rent as part of the compensation. The job and place to live could not have appeared at a better time. I won’t go into detail about what it is like to manage this building because I’ve had tenants tell me they’ve looked at my website. I will say that on a daily basis, I feel even more inspired to get my shit together art-wise so I can start my next chapter ASAP. This is the first employment I’ve had in which people hate me just for doing my job. I’ve never demanded much from my building managers so the requests I’m getting from people and the messes I’m cleaning up are truly shocking to me. I prefer jobs in which I am able to clock out so I can allow my brain time to embrace creation mode. That said, this job has allowed me to work on my own personal boundaries and to get better at saying no and for that I frickin’ love it.

Paper Collage On Wood (pre-resin)

Jumping back into the two job lifestyle has been a rough transition but for the first time in my adult life, I know that my bills will be paid if I just keep on going to work. Managing this apartment building and delivering pizza throughout 2019 will ensure that I will be out of debt and actually have money in my savings account in just over a year. A year seems like forever at this point but it will give me time to make art and further fine-tune my car singing. Hanging out with someone other than @TheRingOfDOOM might also be a good idea. I’m making myself go out into the world at least once a week this year because it is it’s own reward. Photo walks don’t count because for the most part I remain in my own little universe and have little human interaction. There’s no need to spend so much time alone on this planet with billions of people on it.

I do enjoy writing every day but at this time I’m still learning how to manage my apartment building management duties and have yet to reprioritize daily blogging into my routine. At this point, I prefer to just do the stuff I want to write about because I’ve already been procrastinating too long. For the most part, I’m finally able to work on my own art after I get home from my second job every night. Inspired by not wanting to put holes in the walls of my tiny 164 square foot micro studio, I started a collage project to decorate my place with art that can be taped to the wall. I have a bunch of 12”x12” square pieces of paper that I’m turning into spacescapes for @TheRingOfDOOM so he can tour the neighboring galaxies while I’m at work. I even made one of my favorite landscape squares into a sticker and magically found some of the stickers on the streets of Seattle already. The stickers are for sale on consignment at Statix and in my webstore. I’d really love to create album art so I’m gonna run with the squares idea for a bit.

@TheRingOfDOOM and Ten Hundred At Statix

 These days, I’m all about using what I’ve got instead of getting new stuff. Every time I move, I become hyperaware of how many boxes of art supplies I have and it inspires me to start creating. Since one of my goals is to spend some quality time in Europe, I’m hoping to pare down my stuff drastically over the next year so I don’t have to store too much. Before I go, I hope to pay off ALL my debts less my student loans… including the almost $10K I still owe on my car… so that all I have to pay for while I’m out of the country is my phone bill, car insurance, and storage unit. The crazy part about it is that it is totally possible if I have the inner strength it will take to continue this daily grind. Hoping the photo walks, new favorite songs, collage making, amazing Seattle people, and never-ending supply of art books from the library will distract me from my wanderlust. This year, I’ll do everything in my power to make my 2020 vision come true in the best way possible.

SONG OF THE DAY

Lorine Chia - “I Just Want To Live” 2016 One of the gems on my latest Spotify playlist, Noctember.

Day 66 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 66

So thoroughly disgusted by the state of our government at this time and it is hard to think of anything else. I know taking breaks from social media is wise but men (and WOMEN!) in suits are about to give a rapist a seat on the Supreme Court and it is impossible to ignore. I desperately need to figure out how to earn more money so I can feed myself, get an actual place to live, and figure out how to not be depressed anymore but this is making me trust society even less. Disappointed that so many women bring each other down when men are terrorizing all of us. Worrying about my own shit seems selfish at this time but I still cannot take care of anyone or anything if I cannot take care of myself. As I’ve been writing this, I’ve been reloading news about Kavanaugh and it looks like he will get what he wants even though he is a rapist. I think it is safe to say that mind-altering drugs are real… and they might be made of money. So thoroughly disgusted.

Permanent retreat into my own science fiction universe sounds like the best idea at this time but who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow. Even that option wouldn’t help me find a way to create sustainable income today or make any real connections with actual humans. If we all resort to escapism, we’ll crumble under this reign of terror… and that is exactly what they want.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

7.     Go to work and kick ass

SONG OF THE DAY

DJ Shadow “Dark Days” 2000

Day 65 of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 65

Still over here tryna learn how to be a healthy human. I’ve been coughing so much I feel like I’ve been OD’ing on ab workout videos. My creative ideas are flowing like crazy but I must prioritize hydration, nutrition, and overall health over everything. Still not sure how to put that into action when I’m trying to save every penny to move somewhere as soon as possible but I’ll figure this out. Taking a nap before I head into work in hopes I’ll feel more alive when I wake.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

7.     Go to work and kick ass

SONG OF THE DAY

FKA Twigs “Hide” 2014 This video is amazing when you’re able to ignore that one of the kids looks like he peed his pants.

Day 64 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 64

I finally let my Sister take my temperature and I realized that I’ve had a fever for four days. I do not remember the last time I checked in on my temperature. I’ve never owned a thermometer (that wasn’t for cooking) as an adult. When I checked this morning, the fever was gone but I am not yet functional. I was disappointed to call in sick to work but it would have been irresponsible to deliver food in this state even if it is technically possible. I tried to be good and not watch any screens last night so I’d have a better chance to fall asleep but that turned into anger/sadness/regret/anger/sadness/regret and so on for eight hours. I eventually fell asleep shortly after I heard my nephew waking up this morning. When I woke up a couple hours later my shirt was soaked through. The job is so easy that I still worked two full shifts while dizzy with a fever but that doesn’t make it right. I really don’t want to write too much today because my optimism is temporarily out of order and the things I’m inspired to write would only express my anger, sadness, and regret. At this time I am most grateful that I have two Sisters that I love more than anything else in this entire universe, that I don’t have to pay my student loans for a year because I’m officially too poor, and that I finally watched Coco this morning.

Stars don’t fit in.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

SONG OF THE DAY

Charlotte Day Wilson “Nothing New” 2018

Day 63 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 63

Feeling way better than yesterday and also more ready to tackle my first three goals… for real this time. I have never actually measured how much water I drink but I know it hasn’t been enough. I’m finally hungry again so I’m looking forward to eating all the things, like Kalbi Beef Tacos from Marination. Watching part of Lord Of The Rings did help refill my metaphorical vessel a bit because it was time I did not spend on social media. I wholeheartedly admit that I scroll too much because I like to see what is going on in the world and with the people I’m too in my head to hang out with. The current events with Kavanaugh and Queen Dr. Christine Blasey Ford hit extremely close to home and it hurts too much to see often. Trump and his cronies want us to be divided and sad and it is working too well. Terrified to know what they are distracting us from this time. Anyway, I must take a mini break from Facebook and Twitter (duh Liz) and only use it to promote my own projects for a bit. #justsaynotoscrolling

I’m currently researching how some of our favorite legends/stories began. Specifically, did Tolkien start with a map or a cast of characters or an outline, or did he just start writing? I wonder the same thing about J.K. Rowling, Alan Moore with Watchmen, and pretty much every comic book or series ever. Since Tolkein was an Oxford professor I’m pretty sure he must have already known a ton about the legends he placed in the series and would definitely not have just started writing. At first I wasn’t sure if I would find any useful use for my UW History Degree but some of my favorite authors were History Professors that weaved their historical knowledge in with Fantasy to create incredible results. At some point for school I read a Deborah Harkness (another History Professor) book about London’s Alchemy Community in the 16th Century called The Jewel House that was written so well that I could hardly tell it was a History book. After I graduated, I found the time to read her Fantasy book, A Discovery Of Witches, and I was hooked. I’ve always been curious about the origins of legends and was planning on further researching the topic more while in Europe. I studied King Arthur and I cannot wait to go to Tintagel Castle and Merlin’s Cave even though he is likely a purely fictional character like @TheRingOfDOOM. Fairies, elves, goblins, and other fantastical creatures are also rooted in Europe and I’d love to go take deep breaths in a place where they’re rumored to have existed. History is written by the survivors and sometimes even voted on by the elites of the time (Council Of Nicaea) and we may never know the stories of those who they squashed. The point of all this is I have already created so many elements of @TheRingOfDOOM’s story but haven’t put it all together yet. Over a year ago, I made a list of all the things I had already mentioned on his Instagram and it was six pages long. His story is very visual so it will definitely be a photo-graphic novel (I can’t draw and I want to keep working on my photography skills) and I truly can’t wait to see what I come up with next. Currently daydreaming about the layout of his home planet. It sure will be wicked awesome when I get my shit together enough to actually make this happen. Fortunately, we live in a time when I can publish it myself if I feel so inclined but I’d really love to work with Fantagraphics and/or another publisher with an excellent reputation. Anything is possible if I JUST DOOM IT.

Since I’m still recovering from the sickness and I’m hoping to be closer to full operating mode tomorrow for work, I’m not going to try to do too much today. I’ve never been good at being still and in general the more I do, the better I feel but sleep and relaxation is good, so I’ve heard. All I know for sure is that I drink enough water, eat three meals, and stretch for at least ten minutes, I will feel better tomorrow than I do today. I still have yet to finalize today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video but I have drafted so many over the last few years, these first ones will likely be me clearing out my iMovie to make room for the new stuff. Wonder how long it will take me to ask an actual person to be in one of his movies…

 TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

7.     Go for a walk

SONG OF THE DAY

DEPECHE MODE “The World In My Eyes”1990  Violator remains to be one of my favorite albums and this whole blog is pretty much about me wanting to show you the world in my eyes full time.

Day 62 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 62

Today I’m wondering how to refill the metaphorical vessel once it has run dry. Having fabulous adventures usually does it but I can no longer afford to go anywhere. On this day more than others, I’m counting the days until my health insurance kicks in. I’ve been trying to ignore that I’m sick at the moment and just keep on going but that does not work. Pretty sure I’m so dehydrated and malnutritioned that it warrants whatever tube doctors use to rehydrate you and give you the nutrients you need but I’m not rolling like that. No one at work could even tell I was sick because they don’t know me well enough to see the difference. I’m so used to operating in a deficit, I just keep on going even when my body starts shutting itself down. I know I’ve placed myself in a slingshot of my own creation and that I’m pulling myself back so I can spring forward but this cold has me feeling all the pain (physically and emotionally). Gotta keep this one short because my brain hurts today. If I wasn’t writing this daily blog and doing two 100 Day Projects, I may have been lost in Middle Earth all day… will try refilling my vessel with Lord Of The Rings.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Post today’s @TheRingOfDOOM video

SONG OF THE DAY

Enigma “Sadeness” 1990

Day 61 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 61

I can’t be the only one that has looked up “how to be a healthy grownup.” The Google results do not give me the answers I am looking for. If they did teach us this in school, I buried it under a few decades of ignoring my needs to be a subservient employee/person. What I used to call strategic dehydration so I could work without having to take bathroom breaks and impress my bosses, I now see was prioritizing other’s needs before my own and was self-destructive. A vague memory of a meditation lesson in a junior high portable just emerged but we mostly giggled through it because someone farted or something. I could really use a definitive list of all the things I need to do/eat to be healthy but only I can make that list. I guess it is obvious when I really think about it but putting it into action daily is tricky.  I’ve accomplished the most when I’m on my Mary Poppins, meaning when I turn my to do list into a game. It would be wise if I made a gameboard of how to be a healthy adult sooner than later. I would put stuff on it like vitamins, drinking water, stretching, eating vegetables, brushing/flossing, learning how to relax, etc. My huge 90 minute work block bulletin board (with 421 completed work blocks and only eleven-ish completed 10 minute stretches) remains intact in my storage unit with the rest of my art/life/nostalgia supplies… maybe it’s time for a new travel-size bulletin board as I’m still living out of a suitcase and small backpack. I’m still amazed by the art I made during my blind pursuit of my own creativity but I need to reprioritize my whole shit. We can’t accomplish any of our dreams at all if we’re dehydrated, malnutritioned, and tied in knots (emotionally/physically). 

Last night I dreamed that one of my favorite visual artists was my friend and when I woke up I was bummed that I haven’t even met him yet. He’s been brave enough to share his journey toward sobriety with the world and it made me love him even more. I know I’ll meet him eventually and I hope we get to have some real conversations. Even though I’ve literally given last minute advice to tons of superfans (and have gotten many jobs because I’m so good at being around/helping/driving famous people) about how to be cool when they meet their heroes, I’m still terrible at meeting my own unless we get to work together. The first great example of this is when I met Peanut Butter Wolf at a festival. A photo of him I made at the release of the Stones Throw documentary, Our Vinyl Weighs A Ton, was my phone wallpaper for years because I was working toward being the Peanut Butter Wolf of Seattle in my own weird way. I drove solo all the way to LA from Seattle to go the event and didn’t talk to him; even though he was less than three feet away from me. I still have the same goal to help artists be their best selves but fortunately I’ve gotten even weirder and have expanded my mission to include the entire universe. When I met him, all I could say was, “will you take a picture with my friend” and handed him @TheRingOfDOOM like a dumbass. The time I met Dan The Automator, one of my all-time favorite producers, I may have listed off too many of his projects that I loved and I’m pretty sure I weirded him out. At least he knows I guess? Here’s hoping when I eventually meet Prince Paul, Danger Mouse, Alchemist, and Evidence I’m able to play it a little bit cooler. Ideally, I’ll get a chance to work with these artists so that I can show them I’m not messin around and that I’d be the best possible addition to their team.

I want to write about all the political bullshit but it is still too painful and hits too close to home. Most of the men I have been mistreated by likely do not even realize the damage they have done or that they were doing anything wrong. I have received zero ill treatment (of a sexual harassment nature) from men while on the job in the music industry but I am confident that I have not gotten jobs because I am a woman. I don’t want to go into detail on the specific jobs because my heart remains broken and they may come around eventually. The Underground Hip Hop world is a total sausage fest and while I do know some totally bad ass women in the community, most of the key players I once hoped to work with and learn from are men. To anyone out there who thinks I’m in this to date rappers… if that was my goal, I would not have been single for the last six years and go fuck yourself.

It’s time to put a bow on this so I can finish up Day 2 of #100DaysOfTheRingOfDOOMvideos and head to work. My first payday is tomorrow and it could not have come any sooner. Soon I’ll be able to breathe!

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Work on next @TheRingOfDOOM video

8.     Start November playlist

SONG OF THE DAY

Massive Attack “Paradise Circus” 2010 If you like this song as much as I do, you’ll love the remix by Gui Borrato.

Day 60 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 60

I’m happy to say that I completed all of my goals yesterday aside from the water… the easiest one. The September playlist has already been released and I’ll be posting my latest @TheRingOfDOOM video shortly. I kicked off #100DaysOfStickersWith206LizPartDeux yesterday and today will be the first day of #100DaysOfTheRingOfDOOMvideos. These 100 Day projects help me to stay on track on the days when I wonder why I’m doing all this. I already have 100+ sticker photos so that will be easy but the video one will be my big challenge. Looking forward to seeing how my videos evolve over the next 100 days. I don’t think I’ll be uploading them to Facebook anymore cuz they are d-bags.

Day 2 of #100DaysOfStickersWith206LizPartDeux

Today I’ll be working an extra long shift (Only 8 hours! Usually the shifts are 4 hours.) at the pizza spot so I’ll rake in even more dough. Looking forward to seeing the first direct deposits come through so I can pay my bills weeks before they are due like a boss. The gig economy is rough to say the least and causes all of us to say yes to jobs that aren’t paying us what we’re worth because every penny counts. In the past month, I’ve turned down three great gigs (two of them tours) in favor of health/dental and some form of stability. I’m prioritizing this creative work now so I will have something to come back to when I return from the many tours I plan to go on in the future. The post-tour depression is too real when you’ve worked yourself into solitary confinement and have been returning “home” to squat in your 10x10 art studio for the last 11 months. I’ll figure this shit out eventually as long as I keep on doing, working smarter, working harder, and hanging out with actual people who want to see me succeed.

Someone asked me on Reddit if they could use my flamingo sunset collage as their Soundcloud song image and I’m not sure what to say about it. I know I should get paid if someone wants to use my art but this is my first time in this situation so it’s tricky. At this point, I’m thinking about dropping my PayPal link in the reply and saying yes with the condition that I will use the image myself someday… fuck it, I’m going to say no. This artist only has three songs and no other social media presence so I don’t think I want to open the door to random Reddit messages from this person. If someone did want to use the image in the future (myself included), I’d rather it be someone I know… or would like to know. I’m not going to be that nice anymore. I still have 20 Organic cotton blank black tote bags that are in need of an image and maybe that is the one.

Today I did things in a different order so I’ve already completed a few of my goals. It helps to have some sort of structure to the day when you’re trying to get a lot of things done… duh Liz. I’ve abandoned the 90 minute work blocks for a bit and just keep on working when I feel so inclined. I may get back into it but first I want to see what I accomplish over the next week without the blocks.

The September Spotify Playlist has arrived!

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Work on next @TheRingOfDOOM video

8.     Start November playlist

9.     Fold laundry

10.  Post September playlist and promote

11.  Post Day 1 of #100DaysOfTheRingOfDOOMvideos

SONG OF THE DAY

Jessie Reyez “Apple Juice” 2018  She’s so rad.

Day 59 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 59

Yesterday I worked and spent most of the rest of the day attempting to relax. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to go back to Portland to make more photos. One of my would-be favorite shots from Burnside has my finger in it so my perfectionism won’t let me post it. I’ll be heading downtown to take some photos this afternoon before work because there are some spots I haven’t photographed in too long. I’ve been procrastinating the completion of my video from the beach like a dumbass. If I really want to do myself a service, I’ll start my next two 100 Day Projects today so I can feel like I’m making progress in life. Even though I’ve never made a penny off my websites, they have led to every opportunity in the music industry I’ve ever had so I know it is worth it to keep going.

Favorite photo from my field trip.

Sometimes I think I don’t have the entrepreneur gene but then I remember that my cousin and I created our own newspaper when we were around 10 and had actual subscribers. We hand typed every issue ON TYPEWRITERS and charged 25 cents each; it was called the Market Street Reporter. I believe I have one or two in my storage unit somewhere (I’ve had most of my belongings in storage for almost two years now). The truth is that I haven’t pulled the trigger on most of my ideas because I doubt myself AND because I still feel weird about using DOOM’s likeness and making money from it. I have asked them in the past if they’d like me to stop but they asked if I would send them what I was working on. The zine I had just made was crude and unimpressive but I sent it to them anyway. No response from that but I totally get it. When you know you’re going to be sending whatever you make to your one of your favorite rapper’s teams, the stakes feel higher. I still want to make the photo-graphic novel and videos because it’ll help me to learn new skills and develop the story. At one point a French duo called NowFutur created a DOOM mix called Origins Of The Villain using samples from his songs and his original sources to create a video project that inspired DOOM to have them open for him at some of his European shows. Anything is possible if I make the thing and vice versa.

My trip to Europe feels so far off now because it is. Unless I can get some sponsors, I won’t be able to go until the spring. That would give me time to hopefully earn enough to pay for my dental work (even with my insurance) and raise the funds for the trip itself. Ideally, I’ll also be able to have enough to live somewhere when I get back. I’ve already got the Skyscanner alerts set so I can hopefully get the ticket for under $500 like last time. The trip won’t magically happen in the spring, I will have to make it happen with small steps every day. I’ll be seeking out a sublet situation once I earn the fundage… soon. So excited for the paychecks to start flowing. I don’t plan on living alone so it should be pretty affordable. Usually I just want to hide in my room and make stuff anyway so I’m a great roommate.

The sad photo with a finger in it.

Sometimes writing this blog makes me feel like I’m just talking about the things I want to do instead of just doing them… because it is true. I enjoy the act of writing and would love to keep doing it, I just can’t let it take up so much time that it replaces creating the rest of the art I want to make. Even though I know where I want to go, the route is still blurry. All I know for sure is that I won’t get anywhere if I don’t keep finishing stuff. I didn’t complete any of the things I wanted to yesterday so my goals remain the same but I added a walk.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to work and kick ass

7.     Make a video from the footage I got yesterday at the ocean.

8.     Finish September Spotify playlist

9.     Go for a walk and make some new photos.

SONG OF THE DAY

Gorillaz “Tomorrow Comes Today” 2001  If I keep on putting it off until tomorrow, I’ll be running in place forever.