Day 52 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 52

So much can change in a day if you make it so. In two months my HEALTH AND DENTAL INSURANCE will kick in at my new job delivering pizza at a locally owned spot that does business the right way. Jobs with free food are wicked awesome… especially when you just drop it off and don’t have to wipe up the spills at their feet. Of course it would have been cooler to write a story on dental tourism in Spain but this feels very Sofia Amoruso/Girlboss at this time and I’m more than ready to work my ass off. I already filled out the paperwork and get to start tomorrow; I love it when the hiring process goes so quickly. One of the best things about this job is that the harder I work, the more money I make. So many jobs do not reward efficiency so the slackers I was working alongside would make the same as my overachieving self. My new schedule leaves me with many hours in the day to find a midday job as well so I’m adding researching/applying for dog walking jobs to today’s to do list. This means I’ll be keeping my car until further notice and staying with generous family in the greater Seattle area until I have enough fundage to move into a sublet… which will be sooner than later. I realize this goes back on three of my declarations; wanted to leave Seattle, using my car to make money, working a job just for the $; but I need money like years ago so that’s just the way its gotta be. My support system is here. I used to deliver pizza in the late 90s at a spot in North Lake Tahoe before I had a cell phone and loved it; I’ll make the most of it and get to listen to tons of great music while I’m driving.

I finally sold some boots on eBay that have been sitting in a box unworn for years so today I get to go on a treasure hunt in my storage unit which is currently a hot mess like the rest of me. I’ll still be living out of my suitcase and small backpack for awhile but I will have access to all the rest of my random stuff if I need it. As much as I love making my collages, I’m going to backburner it for a while because I need to take the time to get good at the thing I want to do the most; video. The gig economy makes it tricky to get good at one thing because I’ve had to wear so many hats over the years but I want to be good at creating videos so I’ll put in the work. I’m hesitant to make it a #100DayProject (it would be my fourth) because I know how much work it will be and I’m already hoping to work at least two jobs for a bit. It would be wise to just start that project right now because it really only takes a few minutes to make a video these days… I’ve just talked myself into it. YouTube presence is clutch and exactly where I want to go. The path of happy people I’ve been following AND my long-term obsession with music videos/film have led me right here. I want to set myself up for a balanced life where I have ample time to work my job(s), make art, get enough sleep, eat healthy, and actually have a social life but Seattle doesn’t really work that way if you’re on a delivering pizza level. This job will allow me to make the money I need every month to pay my bills/debts and all the rest can go to setting myself up for the future I most want.

Last night I started working on my shelved Washington DC video again. I had to put it down for a while because DC’s vibe left a horrible taste in my mouth and it hurt my soul to spend too much time thinking about our evil government. One of my career heroes has said that it is bad for business to talk about politics because you can alienate your potential customers but I’ve decided to completely reject that idea to be a good person. This same man also preaches kindness and finding your niche so it seems backwards for him not to openly denounce our sexual predator president and our country’s racist terrorism, especially because he and his family are immigrants and he has women he loves in his life. I won’t name him here because I’d rather have this conversation with him in real life someday and otherwise he seems a great person to have on your team who truly means well. I understand that he is trying to maximize his profits like a good businessman should but if he’s afraid to pick a side in the battle of good vs. evil, then he probably isn’t as good of a person as I hoped he was. If he truly wants to build his business the right way, he would take a stand even if it took him longer to reach his goal. Not speaking up about the wrongs in our society makes him an enabler of the established racist/sexist system and it’s sad that he’s encouraging others to keep their political beliefs to themselves to make money.

@acodd art as seen the night of his show with @leo.shallat & @claude206

I’d much rather work to educate those who are on the wrong team so they can understand that having a president who has openly admitted to grabbing women by the pussy and is a NAZI (among many other evil traits) is the worst possible thing for our country. In no way do I plan on being a political activist but I do have a couple videos on deck that Cheeto-fans will hate me for… including this DC video. I’ve vowed that the next time I see a MAGA hat, I’ll start a conversation with the person about what that means to them and try to remain calm while we talk through how they ended up wearing the symbol of a terrorist on their head and why it hurts my soul and many others to see it...  instead of just scowl at them. I want my life to be about seeking out positivity but so do all the black people that are being terrorized and murdered by police, the children and their parents being detained separately by our government, all the homeless people everywhere that fell victim to capitalism, and all the women who have been mistreated by men (including myself). I still plan to focus on making people smile and shining light on artists making the world a better place but it ALWAYS makes me smile to see people standing up to the evil in our society and we need heroes more than ever. Facing our demons head on is important for survival.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Eat three meals

3.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

4.     Finish this blog

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Go to storage unit to get sold eBay boots, work pants, etc.

7.     Finish my hire packet for tomorrow’s orientation

8.     Get Direct Deposit form ready from BECU to bring to tomorrow’s orientation

9.     Reprove I’m broke w/ tax return info I find in storage unit so I can pay low payments on my student loans for another year.

10.  Post 1 video on YouTube & promote

11.  Mail boots I sold on eBay

12.  Apply for dog walker jobs

13.  Take at least one new @TheRingOfDOOM photo, his new body has yet to be photographed outside.

SONG OF THE DAY

Florence + The Machine “Dog Days Are Over” 2009   I have tons of respect for Florence, her Machine, and her art but I hated seeing corporate advertisements for her latest album wheatpasted all over New York. This song remains beautiful no matter how I feel about corporate Street Art.

Day 42 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 42

After typing Day 42 just now, I’m reminded about The Meaning Of Life as written by Douglas Adams that I must either put in a box, sell, or bring with me to Europe. On this 42nd day of writing about pulling the courage to live my best life out of the large steaming pile of bullshit I’ve been peeking from under, I must finally open all the doors around me and experience life on the other side. I must make the damn videos to sell my car and truly launch my Patreon today. As with most, I’m worried that I won’t make a good video so I’m procrastinating. No one starts out as Michel Gondry, even Michel Gondry didn’t start out being good at what he does. If we’re not afraid to grow and learn new skills, we will be stuck doing the same thing forever. It’s easy to find excuses not to do but that only serves to prevent us from living.

I did not take a load of anything to my storage unit because I wanted one more day to take deep breaths before I begin this adventure. That is the truth. I am terrible at relaxing because for as long as I can remember I’ve had such a long way to go to reach financial security that it seems irresponsible to relax. Throughout my music career people would ask me why I wasn’t content where I was. If I was content to pay my bills with a credit card indefinitely so that I could work in the music industry, I’d be a fool. Yes, change is difficult and yes, there will be those who make fun of me for being a 40 year old woman who wears rap shirts and travels with a fictional character but I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this for me and the brand new @TheRingOfDOOM figure I made last night.

Those who are paying attention may have noticed that in addition to documenting the steps I’m taking towards my biggest dreams, this blog is evidence of the great battle going on inside my head and how on a daily basis, I must convince myself to keep going. I’m getting a mental picture of myself up to my neck in my own bullshit, attempting to pull myself out using the vines surrounding me that are actually the power cords of all my devices. I have the entire universe to gain if I wrangle this technology and turn these power cord vines into the Intergalactic Art Bridge I know it can be (cue animation team I hope to be in a position to hire someday). Of course it would be easier to allow myself to stay in this Amazonian jungle of media and scroll through others lives forever but I haven’t been able to find what I want to watch. I want to watch a show where a tiny alien travels the world and talks to artists and helps transmit their messages to the universe. It will be hilarious and inspiring while also showing people beautiful places and alternate ways to live their lives; it will be the best show I have ever seen.

I always wanted my life to be a good story and it already is but I have been letting others write my script for me. Waiting for someone to hand you an opportunity, like an offer to work 40 hours a week to not make enough money to live alone or go to the dentist, will keep us exactly where we are. If we work as hard for ourselves as we do for others, the possibilities are truly endless but I must stop writing about what I’m going to do and JUST DOOM IT. So today on this 42nd day of writing about wading through my own bullshit, I recognize that the meaning of my life is to stop allowing other people to let me feel small and to see that I’ve already built the bridge I must find the courage to cross. It’s easy, I just need to use my brain and my phone to its maximum potential; today.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.     Take load to storage unit and film footage for car sale video

8.     Stop at Everyday Music to sell CDs

9.      Just keep swimming

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller x Prodigy x Alchemist Freestyle On Toca Tuesdays 2013  In the spirit of letting artists know how much we appreciate them while they’re still here, I want Alchemist to know that I think he is one of the greatest musicians of our time and I want to give him a big hug because he probably needs it right now. We do have mutual friends and acquaintances but I probably won’t get to hug him anytime soon. If you’re reading this and you have a chance to hug Alchemist, will you please hug him one more time for me? If you could pick him up and swing him around in a circle too, that would be perfect.

Day 26 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 26

I couldn’t be more excited about my renewed decision to make this trip to Europe happen. One of the things that changed my mind was the realization that the credit cards I wanted to take to Europe were maxxed out anyway so it shouldn’t have affected my decision in the first place. The credit union card I still have will work just fine once I pay it off with funds I’ve earned selling my art and surplus stuff. One of the jobs I didn’t get would have me working for the dark side of the music industry again so not getting that job is a blessing in disguise. The job I did work for a day and a half was at a weed store. Part of me was excited to have my foot in the door when vape lounge/music venues eventually come to fruition but mostly I realized that I do not want to be high enough to be good at that job or stay in Seattle at this time. While I do enjoy weed, I’m not enough of a smoker to be helpful to people searching out expertise. I did love the idea of serving marijuana instead of drinks because weed can cure cancer and alcohol causes whole lives to be ruined but I still don’t think its for me. The bottom line is that I did not like waking up knowing that I was part of the fixed system of minimum wage jobs even if it would eventually get me where I want to go. In the end, I just can’t see myself doing anything but getting on that plane in 23 days.

Clay utensils and cups/bowls for TheRingOfDOOM and Eddie, his eight headed roommate. 

 On Monday, I plan on actually getting out into the world in person to speak with people who can help me sell my art and guide me in the right direction. I’m very much looking forward to getting feedback on my creations (good or bad) and can’t wait to see the look on people’s faces when they look into the water.

Thanks to yesterday’s visit to my storage unit, my studio is now filled with stuff I’m ready to exit my life. A lot of it is sentimental but owning it will not help me get to Europe. Yes I love my DVD collection but if it has been in a box in a storage unit for a year and a half, do I really need it? Will I even miss my copy of Romancing The Stone when I’m photographing castles in France? I really don’t think so. Those of you that know me well, know that I’ve been talking about getting rid of my car for years. Owning the car helped me to get a ton of great jobs that led to the best opportunities of my life so far but they never paid me enough to actually own the car. I even went so far as to live in it so that I could afford to keep it. Knowing that some of the most famous people in the world have been in my car does not help me make the payments. Even if it ends up costing me money to get rid of the car, it’ll be worth it. Of course I love it but the places I want to go these days are not reachable by car. My current plans for that are to research the pay off amount and then email the Subaru dealership and tell them my story to see if they want the car. If only some of the people who had been in the car could be used as selling points, it would be gone in an instant. An example of who has been in my car… Ariana Grande, Mac Miller, Logic, at least half of the Rhymesayers roster, Tour Managers of your favorite rappers, etc. This close proximity to fame is part of the reason I am unable to settle for a normal life. Would you want to get a 9-5 if the last jobs you had were touring the country spreading love and driving around the team of one of the most famous rappers in the world at a music festival? I’m more than willing to give up my Earthly possessions to grant myself the opportunity to follow my internal compass to Bristol and beyond. 

Owning Heathers on DVD won’t help me get anywhere in life. 

Once I start setting up my life to depart the country, there will be no other option than to go. I do not want the things that most people want and I am in a position to do things and go places other people can’t because I lack roots at this time. My pursuit of enough money to stay in Seattle has distanced me from the community so it feels like I have no reason to stay even if that’s not true. At this time, I’m feeling the irresistible pull of the world and freeing myself of stuff to make it happen feels awesome… even though I have literally sold nothing yet, not even art. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be facing my biggest fears to set myself up for success and I know it will be a much better story than if I had gone to work at a weed store five days a week.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     At least three work blocks of listing items for sale on Ebay

7.     Collage clean up session

SONG OF THE DAY

Ibeyi - “Transmission/Michaelion” 2018   It takes me awhile to know what songs are about because I’m too busy loving the sound of it. Only later once I know all the words and find myself singing them aloud do I finally realize what it’s about. This song is just so damn beautiful, I had to share.