Day 46 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 46

The car is clean and all of my stuff is in storage less the items I’ll be taking with me to Europe. Unfortunately, I was unable to find backup for my mission to sell my car so I’ll be enlisting the help of the people at BECU today by way of politely asking them to watch me like a TV while the transaction goes down. Those warning me to ask for more money so I could negotiate were right but I am not a haggler, even if I should be. There we go with the shoulds again; I don’t really want to be good at haggling because I know firsthand that it is hard to ask for what you’re worth and even harder to not accept less when you need the money… cough, job search.

Me in the year 2000 with the ski doctor who helped me one of he many times I hurt myself snowboarding.

I’ve already let the potential buyers know where they can find me today if they’re interested in the car and I’ll be heading out after I write this to post up outside BECU and push buttons on my phone until it is gone. BECU closes at 1pm so after I sell the car, I’ll have time to tackle the repainting/cleaning of my studio. When all goes well, I’ll have all my ducks in a row to leave by the end of the day… aside from money of course. I should be getting my Bumbershoot check before I leave so all my bills will be covered for the month… when I no longer have to pay for the car. The money will show up, I believe!

I am not looking at this Europe trip as a vacation. Of course it will be fun but jobs should be fun. It is truly an attempt at the one thing I want to do the most. You don’t wake up a 40 year old divorcee and decide to settle on anything less than what you want the most. I’m confident that once I’m able to focus on the mission ahead, I’ll be able to fine-tune my vision so others can see it too. I know what I want to make but I’ve been prioritizing making money the slowest way possible instead… like a dumbass. Even though the man in the video below has worked with Donald Trump, he still knows how to money better than I.

I did sell my first piece of art from my website yesterday to someone who reached for her dreams and it worked out wonderfully. So happy she was the first buyer for my art! I must go make my life happen right now… the clock is ticking.

One of my creations that is hibernating in my storage unit.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.   Sell my car!

7. Repaint my art studio so I will never need to go back again.

8.  Remember to eat. (way too easy to just keep working when you know what you’re working toward.

SONG OF THE DAY

Wax Tailor feat. Aloe Blacc – “Time To Go”2012  No really, it’s time to go. I have to go make my life happen… now.

Day 42 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 42

After typing Day 42 just now, I’m reminded about The Meaning Of Life as written by Douglas Adams that I must either put in a box, sell, or bring with me to Europe. On this 42nd day of writing about pulling the courage to live my best life out of the large steaming pile of bullshit I’ve been peeking from under, I must finally open all the doors around me and experience life on the other side. I must make the damn videos to sell my car and truly launch my Patreon today. As with most, I’m worried that I won’t make a good video so I’m procrastinating. No one starts out as Michel Gondry, even Michel Gondry didn’t start out being good at what he does. If we’re not afraid to grow and learn new skills, we will be stuck doing the same thing forever. It’s easy to find excuses not to do but that only serves to prevent us from living.

I did not take a load of anything to my storage unit because I wanted one more day to take deep breaths before I begin this adventure. That is the truth. I am terrible at relaxing because for as long as I can remember I’ve had such a long way to go to reach financial security that it seems irresponsible to relax. Throughout my music career people would ask me why I wasn’t content where I was. If I was content to pay my bills with a credit card indefinitely so that I could work in the music industry, I’d be a fool. Yes, change is difficult and yes, there will be those who make fun of me for being a 40 year old woman who wears rap shirts and travels with a fictional character but I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this for me and the brand new @TheRingOfDOOM figure I made last night.

Those who are paying attention may have noticed that in addition to documenting the steps I’m taking towards my biggest dreams, this blog is evidence of the great battle going on inside my head and how on a daily basis, I must convince myself to keep going. I’m getting a mental picture of myself up to my neck in my own bullshit, attempting to pull myself out using the vines surrounding me that are actually the power cords of all my devices. I have the entire universe to gain if I wrangle this technology and turn these power cord vines into the Intergalactic Art Bridge I know it can be (cue animation team I hope to be in a position to hire someday). Of course it would be easier to allow myself to stay in this Amazonian jungle of media and scroll through others lives forever but I haven’t been able to find what I want to watch. I want to watch a show where a tiny alien travels the world and talks to artists and helps transmit their messages to the universe. It will be hilarious and inspiring while also showing people beautiful places and alternate ways to live their lives; it will be the best show I have ever seen.

I always wanted my life to be a good story and it already is but I have been letting others write my script for me. Waiting for someone to hand you an opportunity, like an offer to work 40 hours a week to not make enough money to live alone or go to the dentist, will keep us exactly where we are. If we work as hard for ourselves as we do for others, the possibilities are truly endless but I must stop writing about what I’m going to do and JUST DOOM IT. So today on this 42nd day of writing about wading through my own bullshit, I recognize that the meaning of my life is to stop allowing other people to let me feel small and to see that I’ve already built the bridge I must find the courage to cross. It’s easy, I just need to use my brain and my phone to its maximum potential; today.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.     Take load to storage unit and film footage for car sale video

8.     Stop at Everyday Music to sell CDs

9.      Just keep swimming

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller x Prodigy x Alchemist Freestyle On Toca Tuesdays 2013  In the spirit of letting artists know how much we appreciate them while they’re still here, I want Alchemist to know that I think he is one of the greatest musicians of our time and I want to give him a big hug because he probably needs it right now. We do have mutual friends and acquaintances but I probably won’t get to hug him anytime soon. If you’re reading this and you have a chance to hug Alchemist, will you please hug him one more time for me? If you could pick him up and swing him around in a circle too, that would be perfect.

Day 28 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 28

I feel like I got a lot done yesterday even though it didn’t fall exactly in line with my goal list. I didn’t go for a walk, drink enough water, or stretch because I was too excited about finishing up my travel video for Lisbon. I ended up spending four 90 minute work blocks editing, uploading, and fine-tuning the video. I had no intention of making the footage into a travel video so it ended up looking like a fan video sandwiched in between the only footage of myself speaking to the camera. I did not grind away at my finished collages with the metal file or work on any new collages. I did list one item for sale on eBay but I’m gonna have to kick way more ass to make this happen.

Detail of my Giant’s Causeway collage, can’t wait to see it in person soon.

Three weeks left until I depart and I have so much to do. Most of it isn’t that fun but it’ll be worth it when I’m getting on that plane. Now that I’ve opened up my world on a global level, Seattle seems way too small for what I have in mind for myself. I feel so strongly about making this adventure happen, I’m willing to give up everything I have to see it through. I hope to have everything I own contained in one storage unit by the time I leave. This includes letting go of my car… the big one. The blue book value is the closest it’s ever been to not being an upside down car loan so the time is now. Even if I end up coming back to the US, I hope to live somewhere in a city where I don’t need a car… like New York, somewhere along the light rail in Seattle, or somewhere else I haven’t considered yet. If/when I decide to get another car, it will have tinted windows and most likely it will be a van so I can better use it to go on adventures.

I’ll be creating a Patreon account over the next week or so and I can’t wait to share all the rewards I’ve come up with. One of the rewards will be access to watching my vlog, a big step for me because I’m camera shy but facing my fears has worked out well every single time so far. Documenting my daily excuses has proven to be very eye opening and I would recommend the threat of public humiliation as a motivator to anyone (may not work if you’ve stopped giving too many fucks).

One of my favorite things I learned yesterday is that once I get to 400 followers on a Spotify playlist, I can apply to get paid to be a curator that filters through new music via Playlist Push. At 68 followers on my Hip Hop playlist, I still have a long way to go but since most of those appeared overnight, I have faith I can make that happen slowly but surely if I focus my efforts. I fell asleep halfway through my sixth work block yesterday while adding new songs to playlists. My favorite thing about making playlists is that it makes my life better so I’m scratching my own itch (something my heroes say will get me everywhere).

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     At least two blocks of listing items on ebay first before I work on fun stuff

7.     Collage cleanup

8.     Lisbon post...

SONG OF THE DAY

Alex Da Kid, H.E.R., Rapsody – “Go” 2018  This is one of my most overplayed tracks so far from my upcoming September playlist still under construction. 

Day 14 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 14

I did complete eight 90 minute work blocks yesterday! That is 12 hours of working towards my biggest life goals in one day. I spent at least six of those hours finalizing the music video post I released into the world earlier today. Photoshopping the promo image complete with a handdrawn logo and figuring out what I want to say about each video are what took most of the time. Now I’ve got a psd file with a completed logo to use whenever. I didn’t add any more items to my webstore or work on any props for the series because I’m not actually a superhero… yet. The resin collage projects are looking great but I’ll need to focus on small art for awhile so I can keep my resin costs down.

What I did do since I last wrote is something that I believe actually saved me $15000 in interest on credit cards. If everyone I spoke to on the Americor team for the last two hours was on the level and they haven’t just stolen my identity, I’ve just signed up for a debt relief program that will help me to actually get ahead of this debt. When all goes as planned, I will have paid off my credit card debts in 18 months. (I will let you know how that works out, it would have taken 15 years at the rate I was going). In case my Instagram gave anyone the wrong idea, I have been subsidizing my income with credit cards for the last four years and have not actually been able to make enough money to live in Seattle OR travel anywhere. In the last year, I have both lived in my car and have officially been a squatter for over 8 months. My goal of getting paid to travel was a thinly veiled attempt to not need a place to live and hopefully make enough money to chip away at the debt while seeing the world. I have been paid to travel for four months over the last 18 months but that did nothing for my debt. I honestly figured it would be easier to pay for a two month trip to Europe than to make enough money to settle into a life I’m not sure I want in Seattle… which still may work out to be true. My dreams to achieve the I’mPossible are so lofty because if I even get close to achieving them, I will likely have already earned myself the things I actually need to live a healthy life… like a stable living situation and health/dental. While 100% relevant in Seattle at this time, this blog would not be even the smallest bit interesting if my goal was to save myself from homelessness and go to the dentist. The lessons I have learned this process are uncountable, uncomfortable, and priceless.

One of the conditions of my debt relief are that I no longer use the credit cards on which I have acquired this much debt. This makes my trip to Europe officially even more I’mPossible as of today. Since I’ve been using credit cards to pay for food over the last few years, the feeling of having my safety net removed is uncomfortable to say the least. There are still ways to make the trip happen but I’ll need to start earning actual money like three yesterdays ago and/or being much more aggressive with reaching out to those who can actually help me with my cause. Do not be surprised if I retreat to the woods for a few years, the Alaskan job opportunities with employee housing are calling to me again… anything is possible at this point. I remain optimistic that I'm somewhere along my own rocky path to achieving the I'mPossible.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

3.     Go For A Walk To Contemplate If Strategies Have Changed

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     At least one 90 Minute Work Block Of Actually Putting Items Up For Sale On The Internet

7.     More work on resin collages.

SONG OF THE DAY

R+R=NOW – “Reflect Reprise”2018   I was blessed to find this song while researching Taylor McFerrin of Brainfeeder. It was instantly added to the August playlist coming your way tomorrow.

DID YOU KNOW

Did you know that I’m selling @TheRingOfDOOM patches on my webstore? I’ll likely be moving away from using DOOM’s likeness in the near future so these patches made locally in Seattle by Knotty Fox are LIMITED EDITION so they’ll be worth $$$ when all goes well.