Day 50
It is hard to know what to do with myself all day. Yesterday I ended up sleeping all day because I had only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before due to coffee abuse/anxiety. I know I’m supposed to be nice to myself right now but it’s hard not to feel that the nicest thing I can do for myself is to seek out ways to earn money all day. My stomach is still jacked up from not eating full meals for so long and anxiety about what I’ll make happen next. I’m on Day 2 of no coffee and because my routine is so off, I almost forgot to write this blog this morning. I lack the ability to relax and feel good about it because it feels irresponsible to do anything other than pursue money when you’re in debt. I do not want my life to be about the pursuit of money so it’s a tricky one.
I’ve been researching work to live opportunities all over the world, national park jobs with employee housing, as well as media jobs in New York. I have never had an office media job before but I would love the opportunity to impress people on a global level even if I need to purchase a whole new wardrobe with money I don’t have to do so. Moving somewhere will not change the contents of my brain but it would separate me from those who have taken advantage of my kindness in the past. I used to work seasonally (ski resorts in winter/marinas, summer camps, Alaskan hotels etc. in the summer) and I’d love to do that again if I can create the right opportunity for myself. It was a great way to learn about a new place from the locals, save money, and to meet tons of like-minded people from all over the world. It would be a completely different experience as a 40 year old but I’m willing to give it a shot. I would work almost any (legal) job anywhere in the world aside from Seattle but I still believe that my @TheRingOfDOOM idea will be the way I help the most people (myself included) once I’m able to focus my energy on it. International work visas cost more than I currently have but there are some rad opportunities out there like working at the hostel near Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland, working for a European festival company that runs events like the Running Of The Bulls and Oktoberfest, infinite freelance travel writing jobs, and tons of opportunities I have yet to research.
I really don’t know what direction to take this blog anymore and I’ve definitely thought about retiring it but then there would be zero chance to help others… still trying to help others even when I’m not sure how to help myself. My creativity is squashed by long-term struggle mode at this time but I must find a way to turn this broken heart into art or something useful. I still want to be a travel blogger but I can’t afford to travel and I have yet to find a way to monetize the music blog I started in 2009 or this website so I have a long ways to go (pun 100% intended). I’d still love to go back on tour with more good-hearted musicians if the pay was a living wage. This workaholic is in serious need of a mentor. I still believe all the things I want to do are possible but I’ll need to be more patient to make them happen in the best way.
TODAY’S GOALS
1. Drink 64 oz. water +
2. Eat three meals
3. Stretch at least 10 minutes
4. Apply for at least three jobs in other states
5. More research on how to use my creativity to make a living
6. Finish this blog.
SONG OF THE DAY
Sevdaliza – “Soul Syncable” 2018