Day 46 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 46

The car is clean and all of my stuff is in storage less the items I’ll be taking with me to Europe. Unfortunately, I was unable to find backup for my mission to sell my car so I’ll be enlisting the help of the people at BECU today by way of politely asking them to watch me like a TV while the transaction goes down. Those warning me to ask for more money so I could negotiate were right but I am not a haggler, even if I should be. There we go with the shoulds again; I don’t really want to be good at haggling because I know firsthand that it is hard to ask for what you’re worth and even harder to not accept less when you need the money… cough, job search.

Me in the year 2000 with the ski doctor who helped me one of he many times I hurt myself snowboarding.

Me in the year 2000 with the ski doctor who helped me one of he many times I hurt myself snowboarding.

I’ve already let the potential buyers know where they can find me today if they’re interested in the car and I’ll be heading out after I write this to post up outside BECU and push buttons on my phone until it is gone. BECU closes at 1pm so after I sell the car, I’ll have time to tackle the repainting/cleaning of my studio. When all goes well, I’ll have all my ducks in a row to leave by the end of the day… aside from money of course. I should be getting my Bumbershoot check before I leave so all my bills will be covered for the month… when I no longer have to pay for the car. The money will show up, I believe!

I am not looking at this Europe trip as a vacation. Of course it will be fun but jobs should be fun. It is truly an attempt at the one thing I want to do the most. You don’t wake up a 40 year old divorcee and decide to settle on anything less than what you want the most. I’m confident that once I’m able to focus on the mission ahead, I’ll be able to fine-tune my vision so others can see it too. I know what I want to make but I’ve been prioritizing making money the slowest way possible instead… like a dumbass. Even though the man in the video below has worked with Donald Trump, he still knows how to money better than I.

I did sell my first piece of art from my website yesterday to someone who reached for her dreams and it worked out wonderfully. So happy she was the first buyer for my art! I must go make my life happen right now… the clock is ticking.

One of my creations that is hibernating in my storage unit.

One of my creations that is hibernating in my storage unit.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.   Sell my car!

7. Repaint my art studio so I will never need to go back again.

8.  Remember to eat. (way too easy to just keep working when you know what you’re working toward.

SONG OF THE DAY

Wax Tailor feat. Aloe Blacc – “Time To Go”2012  No really, it’s time to go. I have to go make my life happen… now.

Day 45 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 45

Yesterday was extremely productive but my biggest challenges are still ahead. At this moment, my art studio is empty aside from the stuff I’ll use to clean the place up. After I write this, I’ll take my last load of stuff to my storage unit and be left with only the suitcase and small backpack I’ll take with me to Europe. The final carload is mostly art I believe will raise in value the further I run with this adventure. I did receive an offer to buy one of my pieces but it worked out to approximately $1/hour so I’ll be holding onto that until further notice. I love making art but it is not yet my greatest skill. This adventure is about betting on my talents and creating the best job for me.

Approximately 19 years ago, I spilled Newcastle beer all over this jacket and have left it in storage ever since. I finally tackled the stain on my past and will be wearing it t proudly soon. Yes, this is a metaphor for life.

Approximately 19 years ago, I spilled Newcastle beer all over this jacket and have left it in storage ever since. I finally tackled the stain on my past and will be wearing it t proudly soon. Yes, this is a metaphor for life.

I could not be more aware that there are many things I SHOULD be doing but all of those things would serve only to keep me broke for years and living a life that someone else controls. We all know that having one job in Seattle (especially in the music industry) will not earn someone enough money to live a healthy life. I’d need to work three jobs for multiple years to get where I know this project could be next week if I’m able to effectively share my vision with those in a position to help. While of course there are examples of people who have accomplished great feats by taking the long route, I believe most of them would agree that the best move in any situation is to work smarter, not harder. It has already been proven that it is 100% possible for people to create careers for themselves in which they’re able to work remotely and travel at the same time. This is the most direct route to success; this exact road that I’m on right now will lead me directly to the people that inspire me the most and put me in a position in which I can create opportunities for artists all over the world. If I follow the route I SHOULD take, I will inspire no one and not be in a position to help the people I admire in the ways I know I can for many years… in addition to being super depressed because I succumbed to the pressures of conformity again.  

That said, I am 100% willing to be proven wrong on this. I will happily consider any full time job offers almost anywhere in the world if that one job would pay me enough to live in that city. I’m qualified to do 1111 things in the music industry, have a UW History Degree, excel in customer service, and have been creating content for my own website for nine years so far. In a perfect world, I SHOULD be able to find a job like this easily but America is broken. Those paying attention know it’s not actually broken, it is fixed in favor of white rich men in suits. I intend to seek out all the ways that artists can make money outside of the hourly wage system that has kept all of us in struggle mode for too long. If I have ever shown an interest in you or your art, I’m doing this for you. In 2018, there are people who make millions of dollars a year playing video games, many professional travel vloggers, and millions of online businesses. Following a traditional route with all this technology is not only stupid but also a means to stay exactly where we are. So of course I SHOULD get a job in the system with health, dental, and a 401K but if I did that the only person that would win is the company I worked for. Thanks to the wisdom of Elle Luna who wrote a book called, The Crossroads Between Should And Must, I’ve spent a ton of time figuring out what I MUST do. I MUST go directly to Bristol in a few days and start being the change I want to see in the world because it is the best way to help everyone I love the most… myself included. I MUST continue to jump over the obstacles I’ve created for myself to reach the life I know is possible because life is too short not to. I believe so strongly in myself and that there are people out there who will recognize my infinite potential and help me make this happen that I’m going for it right now without a safety net. The ROI on Liz Rowe is off the charts and someone in a position to help will soon realize it. Five years ago, I cashed in my 401K at Whole Foods so I could dive directly into the music industry and it worked so well that within three years I was hiring people to work alongside me at giant music venues. I’ve been on the direct payroll of some of the most successful musician in the world since I quit the corporate music industry at the end of 2016 and I’m just getting going.

An example of the random ish in my storage unit.

An example of the random ish in my storage unit.

After I write this, take my final carload to my storage unit, and clean out the car that has been my best friend for six years. I’ll be facing the challenge of reaching out to someone who can be with me during the car sale transaction. I am so resistant to asking for help that I only own items that I can lift myself AND fit in my Subaru. When I went to BECU yesterday, the person was awesome and let me know that it is totally possible to complete the transaction in the bank so I feel a lot better about attacking this mission solo but it’s still a bad idea. I’d love for the buyer to be able to test drive the car but the thought of getting in any car with a Craigslist stranger alone makes me wince. While I try to live my life unafraid of bad people, they do exist and I’d be a fool to tackle this mission alone.  

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool ; I’ve been slacking on this because my mind is on all of the logistics for at least one or two more days.

6.     Take final car load to storage unit.

7.     Clean car inside and out.

8.     Reach out to someone who can advise on this car selling matter.

9.     Respond to the five people who have expressed interest in my car and try to sell it TODAY.

10.    Just DOOM it.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Carly Simon – “You’re So Vain” 1972   I know I’m not the only one that reads random posts on the internet and spends too much time thinking about whether the vague comment is a direct attack on their life mission OR a sign of support from those who haven’t told you to your face that they believe in your mission. I am 100% guilty of doing both of these things. If there actually are people out there who don’t want me to succeed, they’re rooting against someone whose whole goal in life is to create opportunities for underground artists and they might be an asshole. Every second we waste thinking about those who are telling us what we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do is a second we could have spent working towards our goals. I’ve been listening to the advice of people who are living the kind of life I want to live and extracting what applies to my situation and it has led me right here… on my way to put all my stuff in a storage unit, releasing the financial ties that have bound me to a life I don’t want, and ready to go all in on my strengths. Carly Simon is a number 1 boss lady and it’s a classic but this song is kinda weak.

Day 44 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 44

When I woke up I knew that today was the day that would truly begin my next adventure… or it could be the day that I gave up on my dreams. So I posted the video I worked on for at least eight hours yesterday and shared it on Craigslist, Facebook, and Twitter. In the ten minutes that has passed since I posted it, I already have a buyer who is offering cash; I haven’t responded yet for many reasons but mostly I am terrified to meet a stranger and exchange over $10,433 and then try to walk somewhere with all that money… alone. I’ll need some backup on that for sure. I also still need the car until at least tomorrow so I can finish moving out of my studio. This will work and I’m so excited to be free of the car but I still need it for a few more days. I’ve given myself a deadline and it is now.

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I learned so much about myself AND iMovie while recording the footage and editing this video. It feels 100% like I’ve just hit the ground running and that I have so much work to do right now… because I do. It is not time for me to write about what I hope to do with the rest of my day; it is time for me to do it… right now.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Take final items out of art studio so I can be finished using my car forever.

7.     Visit a BECU location to ask what paperwork I’ll need with me to sell the car.

8.     Mail off sold eBay item.

9.     Figure out how to respond to the people who already want to buy my car and find someone willing to be there when the transaction goes down.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Télépopmusik – “Breathe” 2001  I discovered this song way too late but we’re living happily ever after together from here on out.


Day 43 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 43

Today was the last day I wake up in this 10x10 box; I’ll be housesitting until I leave next Monday. I am so lucky to have found a place to create and gather my thoughts for $295/month but this is a terrible way to live life and I couldn’t be happier to be moving on to my next adventure. When you wake up in a place you’re not supposed to be, you start off the day trying to be invisible. I’ve been trying to go unnoticed for as long as I can recall so even though this living situation seems (sort of) ideal for someone who is hoping to spend all their money on travel; the cheap rent and isolation ultimately served to steer me further from those I admire the most. As the late, great Mac Miller said in this Fader Documentary, spending too much time alone can be toxic and I feel like walking proof of this statement most of the time. Because I am the Delusional Optimist that I am, I can easily perceive this era as me taking the time to figure out exactly what I wanted to do without letting others influence me and staying away from a vice that could easily overtake me if I allowed it to. It is okay that I am terrible at drinking; I do not want to get better at it even if it means I get to hang out with the cool kids. I’m too old for that shit and my stomach has already told me that whiskey is the devil. I have not quit drinking forever because I plan on drinking wine in Italy, delicious beer in Belgium, and Guinness in Ireland (etc.) but spending money I didn’t have on a beverage that hurts my stomach and risking DUIs is dumb.

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Yesterday, I filmed more than sixty minutes of footage of myself addressing the camera. I learned a ton about myself in this hour and also in the multiple hours I’ve spent since editing the video (like sixty minutes of footage for a three minute car commercial might be too much). The most valuable thing I’ve learned so far is that when I’m holding back or thinking about how I look, it shows. Reading the script for the video I had written looked and sounded like it was scripted but I will still use some of it. I MUST FINISH EDITING THIS VIDEO TODAY! Time is running out fast but I believe so strongly that selling this car and going to Europe is what I am supposed to do at this time that I must keep going. I also got some footage of what will be my new Patreon video and the video I’ll send to DOOM and his team to ask again if they’d like me to stop using his mask in my videos. After about ten minutes into editing the footage last night, I realized that I’m going to be really good at this once I get going. Every fear I face along my way will make a better story while also helping me grow as a person. There are wins at every turn of this path.

I learned a lot my last solo trip to Europe and I can’t wait to do it better this time. I mostly overextended myself last time and stayed in hotels but this trip (until my yet-to-be-formed crew and budget arrives and we stay in Air Bnbs; delusional optimism at its finest) I’ll be staying in hostels to save a ridiculous amount of money and to meet people from all over the world. Sadly, even though I feel younger than I did ten years ago, I’m too old to stay at a lot of the cheapest European hostels ($8/night) but the lowest priced situations have truly terrible reviews anyway. Even if I ended up paying $35/night for a hostel room, it would still only cost me just over $1000 a month on lodging. Most of the hostels I’m looking at are around $25 so I’ll likely spend even less. The lodging costs for this trip strangely equal the price of my storage unit, my car payment, car insurance, and the art studio I’ve been squatting in. When everything goes as planned, while in Europe I’ll only have to pay for my storage unit, phone bill, Squarespace & Spotify fees, student loan, and the large payments on the credit card debt I acquired while attempting to maintain a solo residence in Seattle while owning a car (approximately $875 total). This trip is 100% doable when I figure out how to make money remotely. I already know HOW to do it, I just need to choose a few of them and JUST DOOM IT. Finishing and posting this car video is a step in exactly the right direction and I will be posting it today.

After I complete this blog and post my soon to be finished video I know will help me sell my car, I’ll be taking another load of stuff to my storage unit. Without traffic, I can be there in 20 minutes but Seattle isn’t really rolling like that these days. My Smart TV has been in my trunk for almost a week because I want to sell it but I’m still hesitant to meet a stranger from the internet to actually sell the TV. It is now in the way and it must go so I can move the large items. Keeping the television so that I can come back to the US and watch it goes against everything I’m working towards at this time. We’ve reached the time on my daily blog when I must finish it so I can do all the things I’ve just told you I’m going to do. Stay tuned…

 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also)

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.    Finish car sale video and post!

7.    Take at least one load to my storage unit and rearrange it so more stuff can fit.

8.    Actually go to Everyday Music so I can take the box of mediocre CDs out of my car for good.

9.   Eat a healthy dinner with vegetables involved; bean burritos are good and cheap but they’ve been my last four meals.

10.   Work on Patreon and DOOM videos.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

B. Cool-Aid – “Cocoa (MNDSGN RMX)” 2017  I have no idea what this song is about yet but I love it and it will be on my upcoming September playlist. When everything goes as planned, I’ll get to see my first Hip Hop show in another country, Mndsgn and Kiefer in London, in a few weeks (if I don’t find one in Bristol sooner). I’ll be reaching out to local musicians to see if they want to show @TheRingOfDOOM around their city but it would be totally awesome to have a chance to talk to two of my favorite Stones Throw artists also.

Day 42 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 42

After typing Day 42 just now, I’m reminded about The Meaning Of Life as written by Douglas Adams that I must either put in a box, sell, or bring with me to Europe. On this 42nd day of writing about pulling the courage to live my best life out of the large steaming pile of bullshit I’ve been peeking from under, I must finally open all the doors around me and experience life on the other side. I must make the damn videos to sell my car and truly launch my Patreon today. As with most, I’m worried that I won’t make a good video so I’m procrastinating. No one starts out as Michel Gondry, even Michel Gondry didn’t start out being good at what he does. If we’re not afraid to grow and learn new skills, we will be stuck doing the same thing forever. It’s easy to find excuses not to do but that only serves to prevent us from living.

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I did not take a load of anything to my storage unit because I wanted one more day to take deep breaths before I begin this adventure. That is the truth. I am terrible at relaxing because for as long as I can remember I’ve had such a long way to go to reach financial security that it seems irresponsible to relax. Throughout my music career people would ask me why I wasn’t content where I was. If I was content to pay my bills with a credit card indefinitely so that I could work in the music industry, I’d be a fool. Yes, change is difficult and yes, there will be those who make fun of me for being a 40 year old woman who wears rap shirts and travels with a fictional character but I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this for me and the brand new @TheRingOfDOOM figure I made last night.

Those who are paying attention may have noticed that in addition to documenting the steps I’m taking towards my biggest dreams, this blog is evidence of the great battle going on inside my head and how on a daily basis, I must convince myself to keep going. I’m getting a mental picture of myself up to my neck in my own bullshit, attempting to pull myself out using the vines surrounding me that are actually the power cords of all my devices. I have the entire universe to gain if I wrangle this technology and turn these power cord vines into the Intergalactic Art Bridge I know it can be (cue animation team I hope to be in a position to hire someday). Of course it would be easier to allow myself to stay in this Amazonian jungle of media and scroll through others lives forever but I haven’t been able to find what I want to watch. I want to watch a show where a tiny alien travels the world and talks to artists and helps transmit their messages to the universe. It will be hilarious and inspiring while also showing people beautiful places and alternate ways to live their lives; it will be the best show I have ever seen.

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I always wanted my life to be a good story and it already is but I have been letting others write my script for me. Waiting for someone to hand you an opportunity, like an offer to work 40 hours a week to not make enough money to live alone or go to the dentist, will keep us exactly where we are. If we work as hard for ourselves as we do for others, the possibilities are truly endless but I must stop writing about what I’m going to do and JUST DOOM IT. So today on this 42nd day of writing about wading through my own bullshit, I recognize that the meaning of my life is to stop allowing other people to let me feel small and to see that I’ve already built the bridge I must find the courage to cross. It’s easy, I just need to use my brain and my phone to its maximum potential; today.

 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.     Take load to storage unit and film footage for car sale video

8.     Stop at Everyday Music to sell CDs

9.      Just keep swimming

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller x Prodigy x Alchemist Freestyle On Toca Tuesdays 2013  In the spirit of letting artists know how much we appreciate them while they’re still here, I want Alchemist to know that I think he is one of the greatest musicians of our time and I want to give him a big hug because he probably needs it right now. We do have mutual friends and acquaintances but I probably won’t get to hug him anytime soon. If you’re reading this and you have a chance to hug Alchemist, will you please hug him one more time for me? If you could pick him up and swing him around in a circle too, that would be perfect.

Day 41 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 41

The best thing I could have done yesterday was listen to my brain and I couldn’t be happier that I took the time to do so. Over the next few days, I will be moving out of the 10x10 foot box I’ve created some of my best art in and releasing many of the material possessions that have been difficult to both keep and let go of. One week from today, my life will have changed dramatically because I took many steps to not only figure out what I believe will help me live my best life but to also take steps directly towards it. In 2018, there are opportunities that our 1998 selves would perceive as unfathomable and impossible. We now live in a time where we can literally reach people all over the world in seconds by just tapping our fingers on a screen. Those who have studied this technology as it has emerged have figured out how to wrangle social media into a means to break themselves out of hourly pay struggle mode and create careers based around the things they love the most. Since 2009, I’ve been utilizing social media and the rest of the internet to show the world the music, art, and people that inspire me the most. My internet footprint led to experiences light years beyond what I once felt was possible for me and changed my life 1000%.

Me on the day I tied myself to this beautiful Subaru six years ago. I'm a completely different person now. 

Me on the day I tied myself to this beautiful Subaru six years ago. I'm a completely different person now. 

You can believe whatever you want but yesterday’s New Moon brought great change to all of our lives, myself included. One of the lessons I’ve had to keep relearning my 40 years on this Earth is that the first and easiest option that presents itself is usually not the best choice. Three great examples for you; 1) It would have been very easy to stay working at Whole Foods as a cashier and move my way up to financial stability slowly with health insurance and a 401K but I chose to cash in that 401K and start working in the music industry instead. It was the best move I could have ever made. 2) The first guy that wanted to be my boyfriend was a total douche and it would have been easy to remain stuck in his bullshit but I chose to move back to Alaska by myself and take my life in a completely new direction. 3) I married the first person that asked me because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and say no. Saying yes was the easiest option but I could have made both of us happier by taking the hard road and saying no. Happy to have this message cemented in my brain because it has helped me to choose to take @TheRingOfDOOM to London to film a miniseries on my iPhone. There is no path directly toward this goal but I’m going to make one because every step I take on this path will bring me closer to the people I admire the most. It took me 40 years to figure out that I think I can help both myself and millions of others by taking my clay fictional character around the world to highlight artists who are changing the world for the better with their art. It is because I’m sure that no one else has this exact goal that I will succeed. When I finally stopped being a follower and started to lead myself toward my own interests, I ended up right here… packing up all my art supplies and heading to Europe to change the world in the way that only I can.

I won't be packing up @TheRingOfDOOM's cardboard box apartment today so I can get some more footage before it sits in a storage unit for months.

I won't be packing up @TheRingOfDOOM's cardboard box apartment today so I can get some more footage before it sits in a storage unit for months.

The easiest thing I could do right now would be to keep the car that has been choking me with convenience for the last six years. I could figure out how to earn the $800 I’d need to pay for it while I am away and return to where it has inconvenience people by being in their way in two months; that would be the easiest option. To me, the beautiful car is the last relic of a life that I allowed someone else to choose for me. Last night, I wrote a script for the video I’ll make in the next couple days to sell my car. In the video, I’ll tell both the story of the car and all the opportunities it has provided me and also why it is time for me to let it go. My goal is to travel around Europe for as long as possible and I’d really love to live in New York (or in a Sprinter van en route all the places I have yet to see) when it is time to return to the US. I will not need a car in either of these places and continuing to pay for a car I don’t need will not help me get anywhere. When I worked at an Alaskan resort in the late nineties, most of the senior citizen tourists that came through would tell us that they wished they had traveled when they were younger. My time to travel is now, I’m leaving a week from today and I cannot drive to the places I want to go.

After I move all the belongings I love enough to keep in a storage unit indefinitely (LOL), I won’t need the car anymore. I will film the video that will both highlight the car’s value AND introduce people to the direction I am taking with my life. To do this, I will face one of my greatest fears and get on the otherside of the camera. Getting over this hurdle I’ve created to prevent myself from reaching my infinite potential will lead me directly toward the long journey that is my destination. I created this timeline for myself because I always perform my best when there is a deadline. The time is right now for me to move all this stuff to my storage unit and live out of a suitcase and a backpack for months; it will be the most excellent adventure I will have had so far. If I continue to hide, my progress will stop right here and this blog would need a new name. There is no more time for procrastination, it is time to do.. right now. I'm leaving a week from today. 

 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – LISBON!!

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Mail off the recently sold eBay items

7.    Take a load of stuff to my storage unit so I can show the world where I’ve been living while I figured out my life’s mission with a car load less clutter.

8.    Prep my car for a goodbye and start making it pretty for whoever buys it.

9.   Finally release my Lisbon post into the world so I can move onto Barcelona.

10.  Take the box of CD’s I’ve prepped to sell to Everyday Music

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Paul Simon – “Kodachrome” 1973  I cannot wait to share the photos I take in Europe and to see how my crazy project develops. There are at least a dozen Paul Simon songs that send me directly down memory lane when the first notes play. All of these memories became more vibrant after working with Paul Simon’s team a few months ago. Whenever I begin to doubt my vision or feel that my dreams are too big, I remind myself that by following my own path, I have evolved into someone who has disappointed Lauryn Hill by having the audacity to smile at her when driving her around, shown Dave Navarro where his makeup table is, driven world famous rappers around the country, headnodded Eddie Vedder and didn’t look back after I realized who he was, worked for Tom Petty’s documentary team, made some of my favorite musicians laugh, had Robin Williams yell “Hi Liz” to me from across a parking lot, turned my music blog into a roster of artists I’ve worked with, and had some of the most famous people in the world in the backseat of my car. If I was meant to work a regular job and follow a more traditional path, I would not have had these experiences… but I did choose to run towards my biggest dreams, and the opportunities keep getting bigger. Contemplating what may happen next has all the hairs on my arms standing at attention and the only way I will find out is to keep moving forward. It's time to pack.

Day 40 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 40

Here we are eight days away from my departure and I’m still reeling in my thoughts about how I actually plan to make this happen. I greatly aspire to earn some sort of grant or large chunk of money (in addition to my Bumbershoot check & deposit return on my studio) but for the most part I MUST learn how to make money remotely very soon. There are infinite ways to do this in 2018 but the key to all of them is either reaching out to those creating these opportunities or kicking so much ass that they come to me. Both of these require immediate action that I am ready to take.

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Last November while en route back to Seattle from Minneapolis after the second leg of Brother Ali’s The #OwnLightTour I felt the call to find a place to make art. I found that place, made the art, and learned infinite things about myself in the process. I had spent six weeks before the tour exploring the US in my Subaru (sleeping in my car 90% of the time) and found the hardest part was finding a place to just be and create. My world changed drastically with the first leg of the tour and I now find myself unable to settle for anything remotely normal again because I have experienced the pure joy of a rap tour. I love the art I made over the last nine months more than I thought I would but I discovered that if I chose to go all in on this particular talent, I’d be spending most of my time alone sorting, cutting, and gluing tiny pieces of paper. I will make art until my last day on this planet but that is not the path that will make me the happiest.

The happiest moments of my life have all been related to my love of music and art. Every opportunity I’ve created for myself was rooted in me showing the world the things I love the most. My interest in the Seattle Hip Hop scene inspired me to start my own music blog back in 2009 that would later serve to be my resume and continue to show the world what I’m all about. By showing the website I had curated to the right person, I was able to immerse myself in the music world and work my way through the ranks at a shocking speed. My (not) secret goal was always to learn exactly how the music industry is working and who the key players are so I could create a path around the mainstream. Seattle is too small for me to tell the story of my music career fully at this time, but, I will say that the white men in power in the music industry are worse than I originally thought and that jumping off the corporate music ladder headfirst into poverty was one of the best decisions I ever made. It is 1000% times better to get hired by the artist’s team directly even if the job offers only show up sporadically. The best thing I can do for both myself and the artists I hope to help reach their maximum potential is to create opportunities for all of us to shine on a global level. One more show at a small bar that is solely attended by other musicians will not help them to get out of struggle mode. I’m sure we can all agree that music is art; so why is it that visual artists can make millions off one piece of art when musicians can inspire millions with one song art and receive very little or no compensation? The answer to that question if fairly obvious to those who are paying attention, but, what is important is what I hope to do about it.

THE TIMELAPSE VIDEO I POSTED ON YOUTUBE YESTERDAY 

Seattle is a wonderful city but all the signs are telling me that it is time to move on. Every step I take above my own bullshit shows me that the only thing holding me back is me; this is obvious to everyone to knows me. I believe so strongly that I MUST go to Europe right now that I’m abandoning all stability and ridding myself of most of my material possessions to make it happen. Yes it is kind of crazy but this is the perfect time to quote Seal, “we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”

After an epic hour and a half conversation with my youngest sister (who just got an MPC!!!) just now, I’ve resolved to make it a priority to try to sell my car before I go and to ask for help doing so. Releasing this vehicle will free me from more than just financial burden, it will close the door on the residual effects of my marriage. I could not be happier to have learned the lessons I did being married to the wrong person but the lessons I learned by being brave enough to get divorced are much more valuable. Letting someone else choose what I prioritized was stupid and six years after my happy divorce, it’s time to slam the door on all that bullshit and take my life in the direction I want to go. Before I met my ex my goal was to figure out how to move to London and it has taken me sixteen years to get back on track. It’s time to go.

I’ll be figuring out how to formally get rid of my car in the coming days but the pricetag is $10,741 to break even on my beautiful 2012 Subaru Outback. Still trying to figure out how to monetize the fact that Ariana Grande (and too many rappers to name) has been in my car but not really. (Side note: sending all my love her way, anyone who blames her for the death of Mac Miller is an asshole.) I cannot wait to see how I take action towards my best life in the next week. I plan on ripping my shell off and showing myself and the rest of the world what I can do when I’m no longer afraid and it’s going to be fucking awesome.

 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Tidy up my sister and brother-in-law’s place and pick them up from the airport

7.      Start packing up my studio so I can move most of it to my storage unit tomorrow.

8.       Listen to my own brain and take notes

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Nas – “I Can” 2002  This is a perfect example of how a song can be a banger while also having an excellent message.

Day 39 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 39

As the day of my departure gets closer, I’m getting even more confident it will all work out. It must. Being on this side of the art community makes me realize why people appreciated me so much when I was in a direct position to create opportunities for them in the music industry. It surprised me that people were shocked that I responded to their emails but now I see why. So many people don’t even reply when you reach out directly even when it is a good business practice to do so. Artists appreciate honest feedback even if it is letting them know they’re not yet on the level they need to be. I know I’ll forgive those who have yet to respond like I have forgiven those who did not tip me but when faced between choosing to shine light on people who have helped create opportunities for me and those who haven’t, the choice will be easy. Seattle is really damn small and rarely does being Seattle-famous add up to anything but I am actively working on changing that… which is why I know I will succeed.

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It can be tricky to not dwell on the reasons one believes they are not succeeding. Every second spent thinking about who/what we believe is holding us back is a second not spent thinking about how to achieve our goals. I have not succeeded yet because I have not been able to communicate my ideas to the right people even with my white privilege working for me. It is because I am simultaneously trying to hide and change the world at the same time that my progress seems to have stalled out (not true, progressing every day). It is also because I have been afraid to put myself back in a position in which people reach out on a daily basis for help that my calls to the world are still ringing. Only by fine-tuning the messages I want the world will receive will I get closer to achieving my goals. My goal is to make the world a better place by highlighting the artists intent on creating art that unites us and gives us a reason to smile on a global level… including myself.

Yesterday’s adventure to the woods was exactly what I needed but did very little to suppress my desire to wander. I often forget that before I bound myself to another that I was a very happy seasonal worker. I worked at ski resorts in the winter and spent my summers employed at resorts in Alaska and summer camps/marinas in Lake Tahoe. From the moment I first went to Alaska at the age of eighteen, I knew that I was not meant to sit at a desk and that I would seek out adventures until my last days on this Earth. The music scenes are not that crackin’ in these remote locations so that can either be seen as an opportunity or a barrier depending on one’s attitude. Depending on what opportunities I create for myself while in Europe, I will most likely return to the mountains after/if I head back to the states. Wandering around the Alpental ski resort yesterday brought back tons of great memories from my era as a snowboard instructor and I finally recalled that the only reason I left was because my ex wanted to. 

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’ve spent at least six hours over the last few days doing things that must be done but that aren’t that fun… like talking with the people at Americor about my debt relief program (even though everyone I’ve spoken with is a truly awesome human), freeing up space on my computer because it was like nah, and attempting to organize my photos and videos. Technical difficulties have held me back from so many things (#1 example is making music) and at this very moment, I’m successfully moving videos from my newish phone to my laptop for the first time. Good things happen when you try.

Over the next week I will finish my Patreon video and send it out into the world. I will sum up my plans to change the universe in under two minutes and motivate people to rally behind me because I must. I want to work my ass off for people who acknowledge my efforts and are classy enough to compensate me for all that I bring to the table. That person could be me if I make it so but I know that with the right team, this project could be much bigger than myself and @TheRingOfDOOM and the sooner I figure out how to draw that team to me, the better.

 

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Further research on successful Patreon videos and storyboarding my own.

7.     Post a video on YouTube because I need practice!!!

SONG OF THE DAY

Mac Miller feat. Anderson.Paak – “Dang” 2016  I’ve had a soft spot for Mac Miller in my heart since the day I drove him and Ariana around in my Subaru a few years back (shortly after this song came out). My favorite thing about our short time together is that he was convinced we had met before; so much so that he stayed in the car for over a minute after his friends got out to investigate where we could have met. Sadly, I could not remember if we had because at that time in my career, I was driving so many artists around that I did not recall. We’ve lost some of our greatest heroes because we could not see that they needed help through our admiration and awe even when they were telling us with their art. Sending all my love to those who feel the pain of this loss, love you Mac. 

Day 38 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 38

Today I was surprised to wake up and think, “ooo, what can I do tomorrow?” This could only be the procrastinator in me who is just afraid to start filming myself, or, the fact that I stayed up til 5:30am watching videos from two of my new favorite heroes, Casey Neistat and Peter McKinnon. If you’re paying attention to the YouTube nation, you have likely already heard of these two but I was blessed to find them while researching the Patreon videos of those who have successfully utilized the platform. I realized that I’ve been doing the world a disservice by NOT filming my adventures. I make it a point to do the most interesting stuff possible and always have more fun if I’m making something too. Great examples… the day I went to North Bend/Snoqualmie to film a Twin Peaks tribute with @TheRingOfDOOM and going on rap tours. Since I grew up in this area and we were always into free entertainment, I visited Snoqualmie Falls and the surrounding areas more times than I can count but the process of making the video made it a whole new experience.  

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One of the best things I learned from two of my new favorite YouTubers is the beauty of B-Roll footage. Without really knowing what it means, I’ve acquired quite a bit of amazing B-Roll because I like filming weird stuff. Watching Casey’s videos in particular, helped me to realize that there is much to be gained by being brave enough to just film it all and that wearing sunglasses is more than okay. The life I will be living on this Europe trip will be both inspiring, beautiful, hilarious, and will show the world places they don’t often see. By showing them what I’m seeing and allowing them into my weird world, I may get closer to being able to afford food on the trip… so I must. Visiting Porto showed me the joys and financial benefits of exploring the smaller cities in a country so while I will be heading to London and Paris, I plan to spend most of my time in the cities that have gotten less press over the years. It may be the galleries and artists from the city that somehow found my Instagram but I’m feeling the call to Rotterdam and I can’t wait to figure out why. Other cities I have on my list are Bristol, Manchester, Liverpool, Edinburgh, Belfast, Stavanger, Copenhagen, Oslo, Madrid, Marseilles, Bordeaux, Florence, Naples, and everywhere else really. I couldn’t be more confident that my adventures will be weirder, and therefore way more interesting, than those who have gone before me only IF I’m brave enough to be myself in front of the camera. A 40 year old woman traveling with an MF DOOM based fictional character will probably make a very different video than a twenty-something influencer-type who wants to hit the clubs. Until I’m able to firmly grasp the assistance of a team, I get to explore myself as a filmmaker and continue to make the weirdest stuff possible on my own terms.

In the past, my creativity ran out almost exactly the moment I realized I’d be out of money in a few days and my @TheRingOfDOOM US TOUR stopped dead in its tracks approximately twelve hours into Texas as I was heading further south into areas where sleeping in my car at night would be way too sweaty to become a reality. Looking back on the still unused footage I’m realizing that the missing link is the B-Roll footage. I was so caught up on getting shots with @TheRingOfDOOM in it that I neglected to capture the scenery for the most part. Had I been vlogging at the time, my story would be so much different and it likely would have helped me stay on top of the depression that held me back at the time. Watching the sizzle reels of the videographers I worked with at Bumbershoot and the videos of Casey Neistat and Rob McKinnon showed me how far I have to go on this journey but as long as I can stay on top of my mindstate, I’m going to have a blast learning how to make better videos and my progression will be wicked awesome.

Last night at approximately 4:30am was when I decided I must go to the woods today for further reflection and to see what kind of footage I’m called to create today. After I finish this post and promote it, I’m heading to the woods for the first time in way too long to gather both my thoughts and also footage to set the scene of Washington as a whole for my Patreon video. It is not a new concept that the pursuit of money can halt artists in their tracks and that struggle mode prevents artists from maximizing their potential on a daily basis. I began to seek out financial stability outside of the music industry so I can afford to keep working with musicians and have every intention of using the platform I create to highlight the artists that inspire me. For the most part, the money issue has been why I’m a Delusional Optimist and not just an Optimist. I wholeheartedly believe that the universe will provide me with everything I need once I figure out what that is and to this day it has proven to be true. While there are many things at this time that would make my life easier and/or healthier; I have more than what I need to survive and am in a better position than most of the people on this planet in spite of my lack of health insurance, a stable income, food money, and a permanent home. We get to prioritize whatever we want in our lives and by choosing travel as my main priority, I’ve abandoned what normal people feel they need to survive in search of adventure and this is why I must show people my story and bring them along with me. The only way I will make this work is by allowing myself the headspace to develop this idea to its fullest.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk In The Woods and get some great footage

4.     Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.      Further work on Lisbon post.

7.    Further work on freeing up space on my laptop and phone for new adventures. (I’ve spent many hours of the last few days on this boring but vital task).

8.   Make plan for exit of studio space and of the final footage I’ll get in the space for my Patreon video.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Chris Whitley – “Big Sky Country” 1991  This song has remained a constant in my life since listening to the song on cassette in the family Suburban on road trips through big sky country in the early nineties. I know from experience how many places in the middle of the US that are the perfect spot to play this song and am headed there today.

Day 37 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 37

Today I woke up and made my plan for the day before I looked at my phone like all the best people recommend. I already went to my studio, the post office, and I’ve eaten breakfast like a boss. These days, the only urgent business I typically have is to make a few bucks on eBay but I know that is temporary. There was a time in my music career in which I could fill an eight-hour workday answering emails and promoting music and events that wouldn’t earn me any money so this is great progress actually. As the day for my departure creeps closer (11 DAYS!), I’m realizing that I’ll need to narrow my focus and prioritize what really needs to happen before I leave. Even if I do all the small stuff to make money before I go like sell my unneeded belongings and work hourly jobs, it still wouldn’t be enough to fund my Europe trip so for the most part it seems like a waste. I must figure out how to earn money while I’m traveling to make this adventure work. Thus lies the I’mPossible. I’ve already let the catering company know that I’ll no longer be working for them because while the money does add up, it’s only enough to keep me squatting in Seattle and the mindstate of those who work there poisons my soul. There are many examples of people who have made a living while traveling and I WILL be one of those people.

@TheRingOfDOOM at the site of the Banksy/Robbo feud in Camden, London in January 2017.

@TheRingOfDOOM at the site of the Banksy/Robbo feud in Camden, London in January 2017.

Signs that I am on the right path are coming from all directions. I still am reveling in my good fortune about the random opportunity to work alongside some of the most successful videographers and producers in the world in the weeks before I head off to make my own video series on my iPhone. It was a déjà vu from when I was blessed to work on Tom Petty’s documentary team last summer about a week before I left to drive solo across the country to make tour documentaries about @TheRingOfDOOM. The most encouraging out of all the messages heading my way from the universe are the people whose attention I’ve been able to capture in the last few months. I am the first to admit that overanalyzing Instagram likes could be a pretty silly hobby but when the Creative Director for VICE shows up in your notifications (as he did yesterday), you know you’re getting somewhere. Beyond that, I still smile in wonder when I remember that the Security Guard at Beyond The Streets in LA already knew my travel itinerary before I even said a word to her. The seeds I have been planting on a global scale are 100% intentional and it is working. By photographing @TheRingOfDOOM alongside some of the most famous and talented Street Art AND inside some of the most prestigious museums and galleries in the world, I have placed myself on the radar of all these people and it feels like they’re all waiting to see what I do next. I plan to go to all the galleries in France and the UK that follow me to ensure they’ll keep watching and it is only a matter of time before it all comes together. Rewatching Jack Conte (CEO of Patreon etc.) share his advice about sticking with it has become a daily ritual and I couldn’t be more confident that this trip will change the lives of everyone I know. If I’ve ever shown an interest in your art, know that I’m knowing this to create opportunities for you.

I’ve always known that when I narrow my focus and work directly towards one goal, I’ll make it happen faster than anyone thought possible. As of today, I will make the creation of @TheRingOfDOOM series and all it’s promotion my number one goal and create my own visual art as my after hours hobby if I have time for it. I love making collages and I can’t wait to make art with found items all over Europe but the long term reality of me going all in on being a visual artist is spending thousands of hours alone gluing tiny pieces of paper. By going all in for my fictional character who is intent on saving Earth by way of inspiring its artist community, I’ll be out in the world on a daily basis and also potentially change millions of lives for the better. Knowing that I am so close to making this happen that the Creative Director from VICE would show even the tiniest bit of interest in my work helped me sharpen my focus and put this all into perspective. To be clear, I’m flying to London for a two month trip in 11 days and at this moment, I’ll run out of money by the end of the month. I believe so strongly that it will all work out that I’m going anyway and will have no place of my own to come back to (unless you count my car).

People that take risks like I am about to take are the ones that win. One of the best parts about this is that my idea is truly unique and no one has attempted it… at least I believe it is. That said, if you know someone else who is trying to start a Street Art/History Joke travel show hosted by an alien fictional character made of clay who wears an MF DOOM ring as a mask and is intent on saving the world via art, please send them my way. They’re likely my soul mate. It has taken me forty years to focus in on the thing I believe will help me make my best mark on the world and I couldn’t be happier to realize that I’m already this far along my path. As I write this, the hairs on my arms started reaching for the ceiling. This is it. I finally found my thing and it is as weird and awesome as I am… now I just need to focus my energies on communicating my idea with the masses.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     2 Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.      Finish collaging purple coaster set.

7.       Study 4Culture site and other grant options

8.      Watch too many Patreon videos so I can learn how to make mine better

9.      Work on Lisbon post.

10.    Go to Art Walk and talk to at least two people.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Madvillain – “Accordion” 2004   It is time for me to reach out to DOOM’s team again to check in about continuing to use his likeness. If he’d like me to stop, @TheRingOfDOOM may transform into something else once he drinks the water in Bristol. If DOOM and his team want to be part of the story, we all win.

Day 36 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 36

Yesterday was my first day of housesitting and I was not even close to being as productive as I hoped I would be less than two weeks away from departure for Europe. When I wake up in my tiny studio, there are limited options for what to do with myself so working hard to escape the box is always the obvious option. Now I sit here typing at a table that would take up half my studio, thinking about making hash browns from scratch because I can. Normally I would just eat almonds, toast, or something else super fast. That said, being around all this free food since the beginning of Bumbershoot weekend has shown me how hungry I’ve been over the last month or so. Eating the bare minimum to stay functional so you don’t have to pay for more food is not that tight; food is so good (understatement of the forever). Even though I’ve been broke for years, I’ve never applied for food stamps because I feel so lucky to live the life that I do. I usually make too much money to qualify for assistance on paper but because my bills are so high, the food money is not there and/or I’ve just been prioritizing good credit instead.

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Basically, the summary of yesterday was that I ate all the delicious leftovers in the place and now I want to spend all day cooking because I haven’t been able to for so long. It has been over a year and a half since I had daily access to a real kitchen so it is not surprising that all I want to do today is eat. As I write this I hear GaryVee telling us all that sometimes we have to eat shit for a few years so we can eat caviar for the rest of our lives. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not into caviar so for me it’s more like… eat shit for a few years so I can eat enchiladas, vermicelli bowls, and sushi for the rest of my life but the same principle applies. [2 paragraphs in, I’m realizing I should have eaten breakfast before writing this, LOL]

My favorite thing that I did do yesterday was put together my photo portfolio. The bright blue photo album from the 70s is one of the best things I found during my short stint as someone who dug through the by-the-pound bins at the Goodwill Outlet; so good I couldn’t sell it. I have yet to print a few of my best photos but overall, every page in the portfolio is whoa and I cannot wait to see my photos in an oversized coffee table book or framed on a wall… here’s hoping someone else will feel the same way.

Today I will tackle laundry, watching Patreon videos, finish the first layers on my purple coaster set, study 4Culture website, and work on writing my Lisbon travel blog. I’ll also eat tons of delicious food courtesy of my generous sister and brother-in-law; love you guys. Some of it I will do while watching the giant television but I will be more productive if I listen to music instead… as always.

Not everyone can relate to my tunnel vision for my goal and the things I’ve abandoned to make it happen. Ultimately, we have no need for most of the luxuries we currently feel are necessary for life and I have chosen differently than most. Of course it would be nice to have a big fully stocked house but as a single person, I don’t need that much space or that much of a financial burden. As a happily divorced person, I know that same house and the jobs one must work to keep them can feel like a cage if not cohabitating with the right person. Life really is a Choose Your Own Adventure book and mine reads differently than most, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     10 Minute Stretch

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     2 Blog Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) - LISBON

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.      Finish collaging purple coaster set.

7.       Study 4Culture site and other grant options

8.      Watch too many Patreon videos so I can learn how to make mine better

9.      Do laundry in this house and not in a Laundromat, wooooo!

10.    Work on Lisbon post.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

Frank Ocean – “Nikes” 2016  I don’t believe I have ever owned Nikes (I know it’s weird but so am I) but now I would buy all Nike everything if I could. Football means nothing to me but Colin Kaepernick is still one of my heroes and I could not support his actions more. In addition to being the best branding move I’ve seen in a minute, the actual photographs of Mr. Kaepernick and Serena Williams used for the ads are beautiful. Shoutout to Nike, Serena, and Colin for inspiring all the best people and reinforcing our crazy dreams to make the world a better place. You amaze me, thank you.