Day 22 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 22

Even though I only worked a half day, yesterday was my intro to the empty feeling one has after working 9-5. Needless to say, my original goals were pushed aside. I had previously forgotten I had added yoga to my to do list but I still have only just stretched. I didn’t drink enough water, or work on T-ROD movie, or work on a Spotify list, or post twice on Instagram. Lame. My first work block of the day is gonna be a little wonky for a bit. My goal will be to post my daily blog before I go to work so that when I get back to the studio, all I’ll have to do is work on my craft.

Today is already my Friday so after work today, I’ll be experiencing my first “weekend” in years that I’ll work all the way through. At this time, I’m realizing that I need to fine tune what my new plan is. Still gonna dream of a cash windfall (and take steps toward) so I can photograph the art Indian Giver is blessing Paris with as we speak and utilize the French I’ve been learning on the Duolingo app but in the meantime, I’m going to keep slowly building my foundation. Knowing that all my bills will be paid with one job (if I remain in this “living” situation) feels mostly good but I can almost visualize the photos I’d get to take in London/Paris/Copenhagen/Rotterdam and my heart hurts for everyone who would’ve seen them. Technically, I still have two years to accomplish my five year goal of getting paid to go to Europe.

Looking forward to developing a routine but it may not be time for that just yet. My favorite thing I DID do yesterday was to sign up to potentially make money with Medium and post a few of my best pieces on Reddit. It was super easy to make the change so we’ll see what happens with that.

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     30 Minute Yoga YouTube Video

3.     Go For A Walk

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.    Finalize plan of footage to capture in Seattle, gather props, pack bag

7.    90 Minute Collage Block

SONG OF THE DAY

Ama Lou “Wire” 2018  The video Ama Lou released for this song is a three pack with "Wire" as the last song. 

Day 18 Of Delusional Optimist's Guide To Achieving The I'mPossible

Day 18

Looking back over the previous days goals and seeing what I did or didn’t do is always a little uncomfortable when you have a strange aversion to finishing stuff. It’s a little too easy to finish the first five goals and feel like I’ve done something when that stuff is supposed to merely promote the rest of my endeavors. The truth is that it is extremely difficult to see the vision I had when blissfully rewriting fables for my yet-to-launch new fictional character at McCarran Park in Brooklyn a little over a month ago. Inevitably, what people want for themselves will evolve as they learn, grow, and get over their own bullshit but this fog is caused by my lack of money, all the reasons why I don’t have any money, and my unwillingness to face my social anxieties head on.

One of the biggest lessons I learned about myself over the last few years is that as much as I love touring with musicians, the ups and downs of tour life are extremely difficult to deal with. The camaraderie and love vibes of tour are so beautiful and amazing but then I get back to Seattle and remember that I have been working too much to be present in the lives of the people I hoped to be in the position to help. Then comes the realization that even though I’ve been studying how to best develop, promote, and support artists over the last five years, many of the artists I love the most do not want my help because I haven’t been part of their lives over the last few years. Going out on tour with such high quality individuals changed me more than I could have predicted and it immersed me into a world I want to be part of for the rest of my life but I need to learn how to make it sustainable.

I won’t be going into the details of what is happening with my job search for a bit but I did say NO yesterday to an opportunity to jump into a Tour Manager position that would have started today and lasted until mid-September. As much as I know I would have loved every minute of it, Underground Hip Hop tours don’t correlate with making actual money. There are exceptions (mostly where merch cuts and Square tips are involved) but it is time for me to figure out how to make a living so I can continue to work with artists who are focused on building a legacy instead of a bank account. Me being too broke to go to the dentist or have a permanent residence helps no one and this tour would have merely put off the inevitable. Typically, toward the end of the tours, panic about what will happen after the tour rules my thoughts and I’m not as nice of a human as I was at the beginning of the tour. Starting this debt relief program is definitely a step in the right direction but there are many more steps I need to take to be a healthy, financially stable human being. As I stumble to write this paragraph, I wonder if this decision will be added to my list of regrets. We shall see…

Detail of hand cut 3D paper collage waiting for its 7th layer of resin.

I could write about my internal debates all day long but it would get me nowhere. That said, now seems the best time to tell you that I only completed four work blocks yesterday because I went to my sister’s place to re-watch Encino Man for the 111th time and spent too much time checking in to see how many people are looking at what I’m creating. I must try to care less but all three of my Instagram accounts have gone up an average of 50 followers since I started writing about my journey 17 days ago. The two work blocks not spent on my website consisted of gluing yet another layer of water onto my collages. They’re finally getting close to being finished and I am simultaneously excited/nervous to see what I’ll choose to finish next.

Since Seattle is no longer smoked in, it’s not way too hot outside, and because I need it, shortly after I send this blog out into the world, I’m heading out on a ridiculously long photo walk. So many photos I haven’t taken yet…

TODAY’S GOALS

1.     Drink 64 oz. water

2.     Stretch at least 10 minutes

3.     Go For A Long Walk and take tons of amazing photos

4.     Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks

5.     2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool

6.     Apply last layer of water to large collage and pour resin.

7.     Make final preparations for cardboard box movie so I can film it TOMORROW

SONG OF THE DAY

Charlotte Day Wilson – “Work” 2016 Cuz it's gonna take a bit of work...

DID YOU KNOW

I didn’t know this so I’m pretty sure you didn’t either but writing stories about beings becoming friends who love snacks is not new to me. While looking through my collage paper collection, I found this story I probably wrote in elementary story about a rabbit that makes friends with his neighbors. My favorite part is that Hoot The Owl brought custard and Ted The Bear brought popcorn; I was so not into custard.