Day 17
These days my focus is all over the place because the money issue keeps delivering itself into my mental mailbox. At any time, I could become available to work the catering jobs again but my morality/ethical issues with alcohol are holding me back. Alcohol ruins peoples lives and I have never felt good about bartending even though it has helped me to pay my bills (sort of). I have zero desire to be a good Bartender but people keep offering me jobs doing it even though I still refuse to learn the exact differences between an Old Fashioned and a Manhattan. Despite my lack of knowledge about cocktails, I’ve still become a pretty good bartender. The gig economy of the music industry has forced me into doing so many things at once to stay afloat that I haven’t had the chance to master anything. If you’ve worked with me in the past or was paying attention to my five year journey through the music industry, you already know how much I (and the rest of the world) would benefit if I were able to focus on getting good at one thing that could actually help people. I know that it is up to me to decide what I want to master but money MUST come from somewhere.
@TheRingOfDOOM in Brooklyn w/ Squad Last Month
I found out today that I have another job interview on Tuesday. This is a job in which I would actually be able to utilize my music industry knowledge, my decades of customer service, and learn from people who’ve successfully worked their way through the startup world. Looking forward to meeting the team and seeing if they’re smart enough to see my infinite potential and aren’t intimidated by it.
The only goal I did not complete yesterday (only got four work blocks again because I spent too much time actively loving the new music I’ve found) was looking through my bin of items I failed to sell on Ebay and re-listing it all. What’s with this aversion to tasks that actually could make me money? I already know the answer (I just want to make art, eye roll) but this video that YouTube wanted me to watch explained it to me further.
I am 100% aware that my anxiety over reaching out to those who could help me the most has halted my progress towards getting to Europe completely. Knowing that I’ll keep getting better at making art every day makes it too easy to put off reaching out until tomorrow… every day. I have already learned that the best things happen when I leap out of my comfort zone but here I sit, alone in my tiny studio, writing about how I’m scared to ask for help instead of figuring out exactly what to ask for. I think too often about a Melinda Gates quote I’ve seen on a wall that claims we all have the same dreams. It would be nice if it were true but if you’re homeless you dream of things like a solid meal, a long term place to live, and regular use of a toilet. Only when all of one’s basic needs are being met can they dream of changing the world with art or being a travel photographer. If I can dream this big as a squatter with a mouthful of cavities and a heap of credit card debt, I can’t wait to see what I come up with when I have a significant balance in my savings account. I know I already have all the pieces of the puzzle, now I just need to put them together.
Above video created last summer while solo road tripping for over a month with a brand new credit card.
My favorite thing I did yesterday was spend just over an hour reorganizing and cleaning my studio. It’s like a whole new room. Deleting the Facebook app from my phone also felt pretty damn good (DEATH TO THE SCROLL!). Every time I write these I wonder if I’m releasing too much of myself into the world but then I remember that the people who inspire me the most have not only shared their truths publicly but also embraced them in awe-inspiring ways. Only by being 100% myself will I find those who will also embrace my weirdness. One of my favorite people I haven’t met reminded me yesterday that since I’m still unclear about what I hope to accomplish in this world, the rest of the world has nothing to invest in. Thanks to this wise man, I’ll be turning the homepage of my website into a declaration of what I would do if all of the sudden I had the funding to hit the ground running. Cue Arcade Fire’s “Keep The Car Running.” Stay tuned…
TODAY’S GOALS
1. Drink 64 oz. water
2. Stretch at least 10 minutes
3. Go For A Walk
4. Two Posts On Website… Shared (post on all blogs on Medium also) – 2-3 blocks
5. 2-3 Instagram Posts Per Account @206liz @TheRingOfDOOM @MyDefOfCool
6. Add layers to resin projects.
7. Work on photoshop images for upcoming playlists.
8. Spotify Block – Loving the slow build of using Reddit to promote playlists.
9. Spend time getting to know my new metal file and 2000 grit sandpaper while polishing up the over-resined edges of my recent artwork.
SONG OF THE DAY
Elements Of Music feat. Anderson .Paak + Blu – “Get Along” 2015
DID YOU KNOW
Did you know that I put together a Street Art music video last year? I made it with photos from my Europe trip (and a few US shots) and a song by Paces Lift & Ben Bounce called “Sol Walk.” I’m still amazed at how well the photos match the song but in the year plus since I made the video, I learned about disabling Ken Burns effect (brushes shoulder like a dumbass). The constant zooming throughout the video actually adds to the uncomfortable feeling you’re supposed to have when thinking about the state of our world today (DELUSIONAL OPTIMISM). The only stupid reason I haven’t made more of these is that I’d really love to be able to pay artists to use their music. It would be nice if I could pay the Street Artists too but I’m too busy arting to make enough money to do that.